Here I am again...

Old 06-16-2012, 06:58 AM
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Here I am again...

I've finally given up trying to help my cocaine/crack addicted husband. It has been a long 3 years that I have been dealing with his lying, disappearing, and simply not being there for our 2 year old daughter and myself.

He does work very hard... he is functional. But he really has been mentally abusing me pretty much whenever I take even the slightest "stand" against his addiction and it's consequences. He blames me, of course.... if I didn't "give him a hard time" so much (about him disappearing all night, spending money, lying, and being so moody) he would have never done this.

He twists my words, threatens me, calls me the absolute worst names over and over and over... the other day he had been drinking and I was driving him and our daughter home from my nephews birthday party and we had an argument because he had wanted to go to a friends house to continue drinking and I had to work and wanted to go home and that led to him flipping out punching and kicking inside the car, screaming in my ear threats, smashing my GPS, and then spitting on me. I have never been spit on.... he is losing it.

Usually we have a good week and then he gets moody, disappears all night, feels sorry, I forgive him, we have a good week....etc.... endless cycle. I can't get him to leave. I want to get a court order. I want custody of our daughter... not to keep her away from him but just so I can make decisions for her. I am so scared of what's going to happen... He said he will destroy me should I try to take his daughter from him... I just want peace. I want to be happy and work and raise my child... Police came to the house a month ago because he was threatening me and his mother called them. I didn't have him arrested... I just want him to leave but he won't.

Thank you for listening....

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Old 06-16-2012, 07:15 AM
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I pray you take prompt and effective measures to protect you AND your daughter from your addicted husband. I've known people firsthand who've murdered someone else over $30 to buy more of that nasty stuff.
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:16 AM
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I am so sorry that you and your daughter have to deal with his addiction. I grew up with an alcoholic/drug addicted mother and her boyfriends. It was very hard to go through. I understand the isolation, the moods that you are afraid of and I am sure try to avoid, and just trying to deal with it and hoping it will just get better and be in your past. I am now struggling with addiction and I am engaged to be married. I promised myself a long time ago I would not have children until I get my addiciton under control. You need to do what is best for you and your daughter. Addicts will do whatever they need to in order to get high. It is not your husband acting thast way, but his addiction. I am sure you know this. If you are still with him and still have the good guy during the week then maybe try telling him to get some help. Go to rehab or you have to leave. Tell him what it is doing to you and your daughter. I am not in your situation so I am not sure how bad it is exactly. If you still want to fight for him or if you are ready to walk. I wish you the best of luck, be safe and do what you have to do. I was in a very bad accident a few years ago and became addicted to the pain medication that I had to take for three surgeries across a six month period. This is the worst thing I have had to do in my life and it is very hard. I never touched drugs becasue of what my mother went through. I feel foolish. I never thought I would develop a problem. I was only 19 at the time.
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:19 AM
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Cad, Have you been to any meetings yet?
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:24 AM
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First of all I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this hell. It sounds horrible Your poor baby daughter must have been scared out of her wits that night in the car. It's heartbreaking!!! But I am very relieved to hear that you are ready to take action to reclaim your life and protect your daughter at all costs. It sounds as though you MAY be in for a rough ride.....however, as I've often heard about on these boards the addict/dad many times threatens ALL sorts of things but in the end just fade into the night, never claiming visitation rights. It is incredibly sad, but most times it is a blessing.

So where to go from here? If you live anywhere near a decent sized city, PLEASE call a nearby 'women's center' to speak with a counselor. You, my dear, are the victim of domestic abuse and could benefit a great deal from their compassionate counseling. When we've been living in the hailstorm of chaos such as you have, our thinking can become very confused, our sense of self-worth can become greatly diminished, and the confidence in our abilities and strength to change the situation is very weak. Having a counselor to support you while you make difficult decisions is priceless. You will find they are extremely compassionate and empowering. Many women's centers also offer free legal counseling, shelter, and financial assistance if needed. If you don't live near a center, there is a national hotline that can provide you with other resources and counseling as well. So PLEASE make this your first step. You can click on this link for a ton of information that you will find helpful.

Please continue to seek support here on SR. We care about you and the welfare of your precious daughter. I'm so glad you've reached out to us. Keep moving forward. You are much stronger than you realize. (((((Hugs))))))
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Old 06-16-2012, 07:45 AM
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Thank you... yes I have been to meetings and I know what I need to do. I have tried to tell him very nicely that he needs help. I have given him ALL the information on meetings, counselors, books, etc. He just doesn't want help. He says he just needs to get away from me! and he'll be fine... I say well then please go.... he never leaves.

We have only been together 3 years. He lost his first wife, house, business etc because of his addiction. I knew all of this but he convinced me that he was fine... we went out 20 years ago when we were in high school and got back together in 2009. From day one I said PLEASE I don't want any drugs in my life. I hardly even drink... maybe 2 glasses of wine a month if that! Before I knew it I was pregnant at 36 with a very much wanted child... She is incredible... It breaks my heart when he calls me names in front of her... she is 2 but does sense the turmoil. I need to find the strength to take action and have him removed from the house. I need not to fear him or the consequences.... I have done so much for this man. Given him money, bought him things, started a business for him, tried to help with his debt. It is time for me to be strong. Thank you for your support.
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