update to my story, not sure what to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
update to my story, not sure what to do
hello everyone.
sorry i have been away for a long time. i had so much of my own drama that i didn't even get a chance to be helpful to anyone else. i'm not even sure what to do myself.
sorry this might be long. first, an update. my ah and i have now been separated for over a yr and either party can file for divorce. i chose not to do it just yet b/c i don't have the $ for a good attorney and do not want to risk the custody of my kids (right now they are with me, no custody agreement in place, he never asked for visitation legally, has seen them once in 15 months).
the child support payments have pretty much stopped (i'm assuming his unemploment benefits ran out) except for the bare necessity to make it seem as if he is trying. he is more than 2 mths worth behind.
he wants me to come and get my stuff from the house. i have not talked to him since march of this yr (last time i went and got some of the stuff), but still do continue to receive his texts and calls. i don't want to see him and am almost at the point of letting the stuff go as much as i do need it.
just recently, i found out that in our state sole custody is not very common to get, and unless i can prove really bad things about him, he is likely to get a no-fault divorce and joint custody. GREAT!!! i guess the fact that he is cocaine addict and drug dealer is not enough.
and to add on top of everything he is still being such an impecable guy. calling to apologize for all his wrong doings to me and calling my family. which brings me to a topic of my family (my mom) who takes his calls and communicates with him despite me asking he to ignore him and not entertain his absurdity. i know that i cannot control her or what she does, but i am very much distressed (p***ed off) by this to say the least.
anyways, don't want to make this post any longer than it already is. thank you all so much for always being there for me. i appreciate all and every input and information.
love you all. hugs and hope.
sorry i have been away for a long time. i had so much of my own drama that i didn't even get a chance to be helpful to anyone else. i'm not even sure what to do myself.
sorry this might be long. first, an update. my ah and i have now been separated for over a yr and either party can file for divorce. i chose not to do it just yet b/c i don't have the $ for a good attorney and do not want to risk the custody of my kids (right now they are with me, no custody agreement in place, he never asked for visitation legally, has seen them once in 15 months).
the child support payments have pretty much stopped (i'm assuming his unemploment benefits ran out) except for the bare necessity to make it seem as if he is trying. he is more than 2 mths worth behind.
he wants me to come and get my stuff from the house. i have not talked to him since march of this yr (last time i went and got some of the stuff), but still do continue to receive his texts and calls. i don't want to see him and am almost at the point of letting the stuff go as much as i do need it.
just recently, i found out that in our state sole custody is not very common to get, and unless i can prove really bad things about him, he is likely to get a no-fault divorce and joint custody. GREAT!!! i guess the fact that he is cocaine addict and drug dealer is not enough.
and to add on top of everything he is still being such an impecable guy. calling to apologize for all his wrong doings to me and calling my family. which brings me to a topic of my family (my mom) who takes his calls and communicates with him despite me asking he to ignore him and not entertain his absurdity. i know that i cannot control her or what she does, but i am very much distressed (p***ed off) by this to say the least.
anyways, don't want to make this post any longer than it already is. thank you all so much for always being there for me. i appreciate all and every input and information.
love you all. hugs and hope.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
If you are looking for advice I would say you should talk to a lawyer (or maybe a couple - you can have free initial consultations usually).
Don't assume anything based on what your interpretation of state law is unless you are a lawyer. There is a lot of room within the way the law is written to accommodate real life.
I would say though that based on my experience....the longer a parent goes without seeing or being involved in their child's life ....the better things go for the custodial parent. You just need to document their interaction the frequency of calls, visits, school conferences, dr visits, sporting event attendance etc.
Frankly speaking....if he isn't showing up count your blessings and focus on financial support. Being involved and paying are two separate issues for the court.
Decide what you want and then focus your energy there....sounds like you are doing really well ....keep at it for yourself and your child!
Don't assume anything based on what your interpretation of state law is unless you are a lawyer. There is a lot of room within the way the law is written to accommodate real life.
I would say though that based on my experience....the longer a parent goes without seeing or being involved in their child's life ....the better things go for the custodial parent. You just need to document their interaction the frequency of calls, visits, school conferences, dr visits, sporting event attendance etc.
Frankly speaking....if he isn't showing up count your blessings and focus on financial support. Being involved and paying are two separate issues for the court.
Decide what you want and then focus your energy there....sounds like you are doing really well ....keep at it for yourself and your child!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: at the beach
Posts: 339
cangel2 - thank you for your reply.
he does not talk to the kids on the phone b/c i do not put them on. in the past when i did let him speak to them, it was too upsetting to my 5 yr old that she could not see him and would cause too much turmoil for their stability.
the only reason he did spend time w/ them that one time was when i had our third child, i went home for what should have been 1 week and it turned into only 3 days w/ me calling the police so i can leave w/out any more emotional damage to me or the kids. other than that he spent no time w/ them at all. i refuse to meet w/ him and the kids so he can see them and he did not request any visitation legally.
as far as child support goes, he is unemployed (has been for almost 2 yrs) and the cs money that we were getting was being automatically taken out of his unemployment. since last month the regular amt has stopped and he seems not to bother to compensate for it. we'll see what happens.
thank you again for taking the time to reply.
hugs and hope.
he does not talk to the kids on the phone b/c i do not put them on. in the past when i did let him speak to them, it was too upsetting to my 5 yr old that she could not see him and would cause too much turmoil for their stability.
the only reason he did spend time w/ them that one time was when i had our third child, i went home for what should have been 1 week and it turned into only 3 days w/ me calling the police so i can leave w/out any more emotional damage to me or the kids. other than that he spent no time w/ them at all. i refuse to meet w/ him and the kids so he can see them and he did not request any visitation legally.
as far as child support goes, he is unemployed (has been for almost 2 yrs) and the cs money that we were getting was being automatically taken out of his unemployment. since last month the regular amt has stopped and he seems not to bother to compensate for it. we'll see what happens.
thank you again for taking the time to reply.
hugs and hope.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
