dollydo

"But I agree, I may be pinning too much hope about my future....on HIM. Crap!!!!!!!! Is that what you mean about being too involved in his recovery??"

Yes.

You are not seperated from him, this is just a red herring, if you can't live without him, then accept him for who he is and be honest with yourself.

At one time you thought that you needed to become more idependent...what happened to that thought process?

LoveMeNow

I honestly don't know. It's still there, just been put on the back burner. I have so many excuses for it (going away without him, resumes aren't done yet)....but they are just that....excuses.

Thank you all for helping get back on track. *sighs*

LoveMeNow

I wanted a back up plan, a place for him to go....in case...

1. he relapsed
2. we needed time and space
3. situation with son
4. it gave me peace of mind and I think that is worth the money.

Yes, he has been sleeping here again the past week or so and yes, he sleeps in our bed. My therapist is aware of all of this. Her biggest concern was that I would stop seeing her but I have been going faithfully.

She also knew I would stay over his place from time to time too....and she knew exactly the reasons why. I was kind of embarrassed when she blurted it out only because I was caught off guard when she said it and the way she said it.

laurie6781

Just a suggestion, but maybe it is time for him to go back to 'his place.'

Obviously his being at the house so much and spending the nights is making you
'crazy' and DISTRACTING you from working on you.

There is a 'saying' that was pounded into me in AA and then Lo and Behold when I
started Alanon I started hearing it again, over and over and over and over:


HALF MEASURES AVAIL US NOTHING.


Sounds a bit like you are doing 'half measures' for yourself.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

LoveMeNow

I don't think he is making me crazy. But I would agree, I have been backsliding on ME. I am not going to blame him though. I, too, need to own my own recovery.

I even allowed all the thunderstorms to be an excuse this week. I hate to drive in it, I hate to leave my youngest dog home in them....because he is so afraid of them.

It's hard to admit but I am my own worst enemy.

dollydo

"It's hard to admit but I am my own worst enemy."

I would like to disagree with you, however, right this moment in time...I cannot.

I've always been overly independent, had my career, own investments, owned a home in my name only, never comingled funds...married or not. For me, it was my savior, had I done it any other way, I'd been screwed financially. Yes, to most my, way is extreme, I cannot disagree, however, I still feel that we all need to be capable of taking care of ourselves, aside from addiction issues, there are general divorce issues, health issues and the possibiliy the death of a partner...then what?

IMO, we all, man or woman need to develop the skills necessary to take care of ourselves both emotionally and financially.

Just my two cents.

LoveMeNow

Back to the drawing board!! Nothing else I can do now but keep telling myself....If at first you don't succeed, Try, try, try again!

Please don't make me feel like a failure, I already know.

I need words of encouragement, I need positive words...I have been beating myself up the last few days. My God, even he noticed the change.

This is not about him, its about me. This is my problem, my pattern....it was here long before he started staying here again. I have ran hot and cold for weeks now and I just dont know why.

dollydo

I am in no way trying to make you feel like a failure, I was just sharing my thoughts...I could be totally wrong, my way is not necessarily the right way.

You are not a failure, we all live our lives differently, it is a matter of choice, you make yours and I make mine, the shoe that fits me, may not fit anyone else. It's a matter of
what you want from life. That is why I said in an earlier post if you cannot live without him, accept him as he is and move forward with your life as it is. That may be the shoe that fits you.

I am sorry if I upset you, it was not my intent.

LoveMeNow

No, no, Dollydo, it was not you. You didn't say anything to offend or hurt me.

Actually, many of you helped me out of denial, are keeping out of denial, helping me redirect and reminding of what is important...ME and MY recovery!! Thank you!!

laurie6781

(((((LMN)))))

I am not trying to beat you up, honest. That was not my intention at all.

Just sharing what I see is happening right now. NO you are not a failure,
or after my fiasco in 2010 I would be the failure. Sheesh, with all my
learning with all my 'time' in recovery, all my 'working with others' and
'others working with me', I still got SUCKERED for 10 months, before
the Red Flags got through to me, lol

Remember:

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

You are making good progress. Something else I have learned, when I do
backslide and start having a bad day or two, it is for a reason.

If I did not have a bad day now and then, how in the he!! would I know when
I was having a good one, because I would have nothing to compare the
good day to? roflmao

So, read my signature and just keep TRUDGIN. Many is the time I have had
the alligators nipping at my azz. One foot in front of the other, onward we go.

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

LoveMeNow

Thank you Laurie

It wasn't anyone on here, it isn't my husband either. It is just me. It's been raining here all week and I just feel a little depressed and unmotivated.

Had a lot going on with my son, and thats always stressful....even more reason why I should of been at meetings.

I just am mad at myself....for not making much efforts this week. Nothing changes if nothing changes...I really need to write this down and post it all over my house.