hopefulbuthurt

I am looking for support. I have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 6. We have three amazing children. When I met my husband we were young and he worked hard but was definitely a party boy. I guess I thought this was no big deal. I knew he smoked marijuana but was never worried about it because he went to work everyday and paid our bills. Fast forward to 3 years ago. My husband was laid off of his job of over 9 years. He started hanging out with some old friends, spending way too much money and just becoming a different person. One week after I had our youngest son, who is 2 now, I was told by his mother that he had stolen personal checks from her. He was charged with uttering and publishing, went to jail and was sentenced to a drug program. He failed to complete the program and went to jail for 6 months. He was finally clean and vowed to stay that way. Of course it only took him about 5 weeks and he was back at it. I have tried everything to help him. He lies and steals on a regular basis. I just don't know what to do. I draw a line and he continues to cross them. I have threatened to kick him out and he says he won't leave. Please I need some support. He lies about everything until he can't anymore.

Impurrfect

((hopefulbuthurt)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what has brought you here. I'm both a recovering addict (RA) and a recovering codie (codependent). I've not been married or had kids, but have had 3 relationships with A's (addicts, alcoholics).

The sad truth is that he's not going to change until he is ready. When I first came here, I read a ton of posts and say "my story". I thought I could get THROUGH to my A's, but I couldn't. Even after I became an A, I still couldn't influence anyone who wasn't ready to change.

The best thing you can do is take care of you and your children. It's hard, we want to help, but it really is the best thing. I can tell you that it took a lot of consequences before I was ready to reach for recovery. My loved ones let me dig a whole and figure out a way to get back up on my feet. Reading around on this forum, you will find you aren't alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

crazybabie

Welcome to SR, hopefulbuthurt, if you haven't already at the top of the forum page there are stickies maybe you can read some of those for starters. Always remember

You did not cause it
You can not cure it
You can not CONTROL it.

I have been with my husband for 30 years will be 31 in August and married for 28 of those years to my knowledge until the last three years all he did was marijuana that was "normal" to me I grew in a family where that was daily life.

Now he has added pain pills and xanax to the mix ...

Have you considered going to any meetings for yourself? Al-anon, Nar-anon or Families Anonymous?

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR. All of here on SR have addicts in our lives. We understand the confusion and turmoil that addiction brings into the lives of those who love them.

Sometimes...just knowing that you are not alone helps so much. Stick around. Read. Learn. Ask questions. We are very big on self care here. We must take care of ourselves first and foremost.

gentle hugs
ke

Vale

Most of us are here because of the hurt.
Thinking....if I just WISHED hard enough,tried hard enough...

...I could make a fish fly.

(fish don't fly)

-please,nobody chime in about flying fish (or thrown fish)

Addict's change when they want to change---no outside force has any influence in the slightest.

whaty

I am new here, too, but I just want to say I can feel your pain in your post. Take it one step at a time, and remember you are not alone.

whaty

Endofline

I to am in a similar situation. It's ruined my life and taken a toll on my kids as well. I have been with my husband about 7 and a half years. He was a party boy when I met him bit nothing like this. It's no longer a party when he got laid off 3 years ago he spent his days drinking hard liquor and pain pills. He be cane a different person. He lies spends what little money we have I'm the only one working and is belligerent to me constantly. Usually says he wants a divorce but doesn't leave or file for one. I'm so sorry for your pain I to am at the end of my rope I finally found this site and it helps. It helps to get your mind straight and know you are not to blame and also there is nothing we can do to change them. I'm here if you need to vent

hopefulbuthurt

Thank you for responding to my post. I am feeling so desperate to make things change. He dangles little bits of hope in front of me and I know he knows I am willing to hang on at that point. I really just need support right now. I don't want my children growing up to feel that this is the way a man should act or treat their wife. I just always thought my life would be so different. I worked so hard to get a good education and a decent job and just thought we would live a good, middle class life!! I just don't want to keep waiting for something that will never happen.