crazybabie

I have never known who my husband is without him being high. He was 16 and I was 15 when we moved in together I smoked pot with him it was "normal" to me everyone in my life smoked. I quit when I found out I was expecting our first child and for some reason after I just didn't like it.

He continued to smoke for all these years then threw pills in the mix 3 years ago. He doesn't have any of the qualities I would look for in a man with the exception of he is a hard worker.

I have been so depressed for the last 3 days all I do is sleep or cry and read about recovery ... I feel like I am totally losing my mind. I have no clue why, perimenopause maybe, depression
possibly I have been in the hypo-mania stage of bipolar so it would
make sense that I could be crashing. My thoughts are all over the place.
I am rambling I know just getting feelings out I guess.

I hate did I say HATE drugs.

LoveMeNow

:ghug3 Sorry you are feeling so down.

I HATE drugs too! Addiction is just beyond evil.

I don't understand how dealers (I will include some DRs and pharmaceutical companies in the mix too) can sleep at night. They too have sold their soul for the almighty dollar.

crazybabie

I will include some DRs and pharmaceutical companies in the mix too

My dad and I were talking about that just the other day.

dollydo

I, too, am sorry, you have been exposed to drugs for much too long, not only your husband, but your children as well. Sounds like you are on the path of becomming overwhelmed.

Honestly, I for one, would not have been able to deal with all this addiction in my life.

Vent away...it may help.

crazybabie

Dolly, thanks it goes back even further than my hubby and kids my mom use to drink all the time started when her and my dad divorced I was 7. Three months after the divorce she remarried and my step father drank and did pills and pot as did my uncles. My entire family is consumed in some way shape for form .
I am scared to even drinkk an alcholic beverage I have one or two about once a year. I know the gene has to be in me and I don't wanna have my life be that way.

Thanks for the support all.

whaty

I hate drugs, too, and blame doctors for starting most addictions. This morning I had to go to the orthopedic surgeon to get a procedure done on my wrist and the waiting room was packed. I was sitting there wondering how many of them were just looking for a prescription and while I was in the room waiting on my Dr. I heard the patient next door begging for pain pills for Carpel Tunnel. The doctor was suggesting he try a cortisone shot but he wanted pills or nothing.

Then last week in line at the grocery store I heard the lady in front of me tell the cashier that she works at a local big name drug store and their biggest seller is Xanax, followed by Hydrocodone, and went on to talk about how many people, old and young, are addicted.

whaty

LoveMeNow

My terminally mother moved from another state to be near me. Within the first year, her new doctors (and she had many) had her on so many unneeded prescriptions. She was prescribed so many strong pain killers as well. Her quality of life was minimal due to the prescriptions not her illness.

I finally found a great neurologist/psychiatrist (he was called in for a consultation during one of her hospital stays) who really cared and told me to bring in every RX bottles and look everywhere for hidden stashes (and she had plenty). He spent 2 hrs going over her meds, dumping out most of them, and he started all over. He referred her to a new DR who cared as well. The 2 worked together and changed her life dramatically. We got lucky. And I will never forget the look on the neurologists face as he read each bottle and dumped them out. It was a look of utter disgust. He said he didn't like to make referrals but he made an exception.

I might she add, she originally fought me about seeing this new DR but was later very grateful. She said a fog had lifted and she could think so much clearer again. She said she had NO idea how messed up she was.

P.S. She was strong pain killers and constantly complained about her pain.
After she was taken off all of them, she never once complained about pain. She still had pain but her body was able to manage it with out narcotics.

Oh and don't get me started on Ambien, lol.

LoveMeNow

In most cases, I would agree. But in some cases, the sick and elderly get addicted to these meds with out even realizing it. The doctors should know better!

My mother wasn't a drinker, a gambler, etc. She had way too much faith in doctors and it became her downfall.

Is there a difference in being dependent on a narcotic and an being addict? Maybe I should make a new thread on this subject?? I still find it confusing!!

Vale

The best quote I have heard in almost 3 years of investigating this
phenomenon that has completely destroyed the life of someone I cared
about was...."addiction is just a symptom of a deeper ailment of the
soul---and before addiction can ever be successfully addressed,this deeper
ailment must be faced".
The ailment of codependence,which I had a raging case of....is that fruitless
search for a magic word,magic dollar,or magic care---that would make her see
what she was doing to her life and STOP.
In the end,recovery is a solo job.You either strap into the machine and fly it or you
find endless reasons why not to.

You are so right,cynical.It's filling the void that is the problem.I have never "helped"
anyone in my life before,and after this solo/dreadful experience with codependency---
I never will again.It pays a disrespect to the receiver.
Its says..."I agree,you ARE worthless,you need help,and
cannot face life by yourself."

One of the last messages I sent to her was along the lines of "I had to make a choice
if I wanted to be your 'hero' (and continue hurting your future),-OR- earn
your undying enmity (and discontinue hurting your future).
Pushed to those choices I will wear your hatred like a badge of honor----
PROUDLY"

PrayingMama

Dear crazybabie. I just read this thread about your feeling so down the past few days. You help people on this site, obviously even when you're dealing with so much crap yourself and during a time of personal emotional low-tide. That's a huge gift to others. I hope you can feel a little better knowing that.

Heartbroken0608

Mostly I agree with you, but the thing I struggle with is all the young kids hooked on heroin. This just didn't happen -to this extent- before the introduction of oxy. Many of these kids did not start using to fill a void or substitute for another substance, they started using because they're young, want to party and think they're invincible. When I was growing up that "partying" group of kids would smoke pot, drink, etc. they'd have some fun but very rarely became addicts. I live in a very small town, I know of maybe 5 ppl I grew up with that have a serious drug problem. My son's age group...it's hard to list the ones who are NOT struggling. What's the difference? Instead of smoking pot and having a few beers they took a pill, which they didn't think was bad because it was given out by drs. They become quickly hooked and then turn to heroin.

I'm in MA. I just read that this past weekend there were 32 admissions to the local ER (a small hospital) for heroin overdoses. Notices of another death is so common its not even shocking anymore. I work at a high school...I've been to more wakes in the past 2 years than I care to count. It is an epidemic that is killing our children and destroying their futures, if they're lucky enough to survive.

Sorry for the rant... My point is, I do believe the medical community holds some serious blame. They're too quick to prescribe potent painkillers. I recently received an oxycodone prescription for a sprained ankle!! Really? Ice and ibuprofen worked just fine. I ripped up the script but some would have filled it, left it sitting in a medicine cabinet for someone to steal or, worse, sold it for some extra cash. It never should have been written. I know there are some ppl with chronic pain who need this medicine to live. However, that's not how drs are prescribing it and that is what is making the "heroin in a pill" so readily available. I know they're not shoving the pills down these kids throats, but they're putting them in their hands and the stupid decision to "just try it", a natural tendency for teenagers, is the beginning of a lifelong struggle for far too many.

Ilovemysonjj

From what my AS has said to me in the past, the high from Oxy is exactly the high from heroin. Sadly, heroin is easier to get and cheaper. I live in an upscale part of San Diego and now it is called the Oxycontin Corridor. The corridor spreads through Del Mar, La Jolla, Rancho Penasquitos, Rancho Bernardo and Poway.
If anyone has ever come to visit San Diego, some of these names are familiar to you as some of the wealthiest areas in our county.

They even had a special on the news about the affluent neighborhoods being attacked by drug dealers cuz they know the kids will start with Oxy and then steal their way through their addiction and eventually turn to Heroin. They may start snorting or smoking, but it is more "effective" to shoot it since it lasts longer that way.

I HATE drugs.
TT

LoveMeNow

Great post Heartbroken!! I completely agree!

And, IMO, these pharmaceutical companies can make these drugs less addictive or non even addictive. It's all about the money!!

My Godchild lived in MA (my home state), never drank, smoked pot, NOTHING in HS. She went to college and in her senior year let loose. Snorting percocets was the "in" thing. Wasn't long before she became an addict.

When my sister found out, she gave her 2 weeks to find a program or MOVE out! She refused to help her in any way. She said she got herself into this, she needs to find her way out. (We were all shocked and we didn't agree with her but we stayed out of it). She was right though. Thankfully, my Godchild found a program and really worked it. She has been clean for 4 yrs.

She wanted out of MA and moved north where she is clean and sober to date! Sadly, many of her college friends are still addicts so she has had to cut off all contact.

Jody675

i agree and disagree with some of what is written here. yes pharmaceutical companies are making these drugs under the umbrella of helping people, but we all know its about the almighty dollar. but at the end of the day its the person who is holding the pill who puts it in their mouth. until we start taking responsibility for our actions, then we won't be able to move forward. we will always have someone to blame. guns are the same, as is fast food. no one makes us kill someone with a gun, or kill ourselves with junk food. we pull the trigger and shove that rubbish into our mouths. we make the choice to go there and buy, the companies just make it easy. if we all just said no, then we wouldn't have a problem. but when we enter into the concept that its someone else's fault for putting those things in such easy reach, then we take reduce our own responsibility for our actions.

i am not a drug addict, and i hate drugs. my bf is a drug addict, even though he won't admit it. this is something i am just finding out, and dealing with. HE is responsible for where he is today...the good and bad. no one else.

Heartbroken0608

TT - I sat in on a forum about the heroin epidemic in the area and that's exactly what the police said; the dealers were targeting the more affluent communities because they knew those kids were naive enough to try it and would have a steady stream of money.

LMN - I'm happy your god daughter is doing well and that your sister was smart enough to not enable from the very beginning. I wish I had caught on earlier than I did!

Cynical One- I know the pharmaceutical companies and doctors aren't 100% to blame, but they certainly have contributed to the epidemic. I've never heard a kid say they started with heroin. Every single kid who's confided in me has said they started with the pills. I fear that may change now that heroin is so readily available and is losing its stigma.

I also know that complaining about the drug companies isn't going to help me. One of the FA readings says "self pity blocks effective action. The more I indulge in it, the more I feel that the answer to my problems is a change in others and in society, not in myself. Thus, I become a hopeless case". I try to remember that when I start thinking about who to blame.

LoveMeNow

Oh trust me, I blame the addiction on the addict as I blame my nicotine addiction on me, not the tobacco industry. Nobody but me is to blame for my poor choices.

However, many people are suffering due to addiction and many people are getting rich off this pandemic. Its scary.

We can't ignore meth labs just because it's a choice by someone who is addicted to meth. We can't ignore dealers because of the demand and, IMO, we can't ignore irresponsible doctors, clinics or even the manufacturers.

I really don't think many of these kids realize what they are getting into. They are kids, they don't have the maturity or wisdom. They think they invincible like most of us here did. I did my share of "partying" as a kid. I was lucky!