Today I'm mad
 

Since all this started with my AH 6 months ago (that's when I found out), I have pushed my feelings way back to better support him. We separated recently and I filed for divorce, and was granted sole custodial parent of our sweet baby (who is officially a walker now).

Anyhow, I found myself no longer in denial of his addiction, but in denial about my feelings. I put myself on this path of, it is what it is, do what needs to be done, no reason to be angry because it won't help anything. I wanted to handle all this as adult as possible (I'm 28). I have been passing off my own feelings to appease my AH for 12 years, and I'm done.... Today I am mad at him, and allowing myself to feel that way. Im most mad that he hit rock bottom after I officially gave up. I had reached my rock bottom with him and I will never go back. I am just so mad at him for putting us in this position. I'm mad that he is texting me about how much he misses us, like I should be consoling him after the hell he has drug us through. It feels good to have these powerful emotions- I numbed myself in order to make it through the separation and filing. I guess I just wanted to share, I feel like this is a big step. I hope most of you are having a better day than I have

This IS a big step and as another mother who feels the same anger - be strong. You know you're doing the right thing by protecting you and your baby. It takes as a while to get here - but once we are, it is so much healthier for us and our children. I was Mad earlier today. Just moments ago - I was thinking how peaceful it is without the anxiety of stressing about his addiction is impacting us.:) Stay strong. Congrats on your walker

Vent away! :ghug3

Better out than in. Moving through those emotions was important for me. It was good to acknowledge them so that I could move forward.

gentle hugs
ke

Thank you for venting. I know the feeling of being numb to just fight through it all, especially when a child is at stake. You are strong and you have a right to be angry. Go ahead - let it all out. You deserve it - you deserve the chance to vent, to be heard and to get support.

I do have a story to share though....I went through a similar process of the separation and divorce last year. I have made the mistake of continuing to "stuff" my feelings to take care of our child. I have a support system, but can always use more - please, get yours.

I ended up with a flood of emotions over this last week and it has been overwhelming. I wish I would have sought more help, counseling, journaling, etc through the last year.

This is tough stuff, but you WILL make it through the valley. I did, and you and your darling child will too.

Hugs to you.