PrayingMama

Thank you all for responses. Comforting, calming, encouraging, realistic. All good strong medicine.

I have yet to read "Tweak" but going to library tomorrow. Almost afraid to read it.

My deepest hope right now is that my son's father will stick to his word, giving AS until next Monday to either enter rehab or leave the home (he can't live with us before rehab, and maybe not even after that, since hearing about how effective SL houses are). I am praying for that, but feel as though I can no more "control" a black belt enabler than an addict. Perhaps the best I can do is have some sane influence (on the XH).

Thank you all for the hugs, prayers and suggestions. This forum is an amazing resource. I pray for all of us and our children.

PrayingMama

To those who have so compassionately been responding to this thread, I found out early this morning that my AS's father reached his limit last evening and had my son leave the home.

Only here could such news be understood as a first step in the right direction and a cause to cautiously rejoice, and so I thank you all for being here and supporting each other and me on this journey through the valley of the shadow of death.

My heartfelt thanks for those who remember us in their prayers. I pray unceasingly for all of us on this road.

Ilovemysonjj

Praying for your son and all of our children. They are in Gods hands.
Love
Teresa

Scrapbooker

I'm always hesitant to jump in too. I have a 22 year old AS. Has been on opiates, marijuana, alcohol, (that I know of). Marijuana seems to be the DOC. Claims he is 4 months plus into recovery. Is living with us until September 1.

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing, especially about the book reading recommendations.

All of the addicts and families on this site continue to be in my prayers daily.

FredG

Here's a quote (don't know from who) that explains it, at least for me
"The healthy person finds happiness in helping others. Thus, for him, unselfishness is selfish"

cangel2

I just want to say that Tweak was actually easier for me to read than Beautiful Boy. Maybe because of where I was in the process....but also I am not that judgmental so I just accepted Tweak as education in something I had no knowledge of. I did cry my way through a lot of it though....

After your latests update and the other posts I just got this thought to share with you that kept showing up in my mind. I wanted to say that you should slow down....there isn't a decision that needs to be made immediately here. Feel your way through this and let the drama that is playing out with your son's dad run it's course. Sometimes a moment doesn't need action.....it just needs acknowledgement. Perhaps you want to see how this plays out......your path in this may be clearer when the immediate drama clears.

Hugs....

PrayingMama

Dear cangel2, thank you for your wise words. Waiting in uncertainty and bearing that tension is always a challenge for me. I definitely need a good, long walk to help me release and rest.

cangel2

Thank you for your message!! What you need to hear and what I need to hear are pretty much the same so it is good to support each other. I am going on your walk with you.....right there.....not talking but supporting you....as I know you are supporting me.

Now...that said tomorrow you may be angry and needing to throw stuff out there to see how someone may react. I want you to know I am there for you then too.

This is a difficult journey.....there are some really good guideposts but there are also some gray areas.

Let's keep talking in the grey zones......mess around there in the unknown and hope we can bring some peace to each other....

Thlayli

Just wanted to mention that he wrote another book after Tweak. It's about his thinking that it was okay if he "only" used marijuana.

PrayingMama

Agghh! Today AS began texting his father and me about being homeless and hungry. Actually hadn't expected him to feel pressure for at least a few more days. (Apparently, his "friends" must not be all that helpful in a crisis.)

I eventually texted back that rehab was the choice, and that our love and prayers were with him. He was not happy. Said he needed a parent and a meal, not prayers, etc. etc. Somehow, by the grace of God and my loving husband and friends, I've been able to not freak out.

I feel the anorexia hit (I became anorexic when we had my son involuntarily hospitalized after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and he was just out of control when he was a teen--I realize now that drugs were actually the root of the problem even then), so instead of hiding that "coping skill," I (with some embarrassment) asked my DH to help me eat something. I know now I must stay strong and giving in to the appetite loss is deadly.

So, yes, cangel2, today may be a day when I want to throw things! Instead, my DH and I (it's our 15th wedding anniversary today) are taking our 11 and 13 year olds to walk on the beach before I attend my Families Anonymous meeting.

My mantra for today is to stay strong.

Hugs and prayers for all of us.

Ilovemysonjj

Mama, this is the beginning of the dance. All you need to do is thank him for the offer, but politely decline to engage. It is very hard and all of us Moms have painfully done exactly that as well. Hugs and Prayers to you...
Love
Teresa