drug addicted sister is pregnant
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
drug addicted sister is pregnant
Hello! I've been reading posts on this forum for awhile and they've helped me a lot. Now I have a problem where I could use some answers.
My 28 year old sister has had problems with drugs and alcohol about 14 years now. Growing up with her was a nightmare, and every ounce of our parents' time/money/concern was spent on her. They were not able to provide for mine and my brother's well-being, nor were they able to keep us safe from her abuse and theft of our money and valuables. My parents are also pretty dysfunctional, the family home was and still is a pigsty and unsafe.
In November my sister went to my parents and said she was ready to get clean. She gave up her dog and moved back home. Less than a month later my parents threw her out, after she was thrown out of two rehab programs, sold my mother's engagement ring and some other jewelry and got high in their home on heroin. She also lied about being gang raped and beat up.
Fast forward to today... she's six months pregnant. I cut ties with her a long time ago and only hear about her through the grapevine. I am just SICK over this news. She's in no shape to be a mother, and my own mother was not a very good mother, I think the baby should be given to parents who can properly care for it. For this opinion, I'm a cold hearted b**ch. I also live six time zones away so "what do I know anyway" and I "should mind my own business".
I worry she will use the baby as a weapon to get money from our relatives. For awhile I didn't even believe she was pregnant because she's such a liar. She's been "pregnant" before as a means to get cash. And although for my own well-being I have decided I cannot deal with her, it's not the baby's fault.
How do you have a relationship with your addicted relative's child? Is it even possible?
My 28 year old sister has had problems with drugs and alcohol about 14 years now. Growing up with her was a nightmare, and every ounce of our parents' time/money/concern was spent on her. They were not able to provide for mine and my brother's well-being, nor were they able to keep us safe from her abuse and theft of our money and valuables. My parents are also pretty dysfunctional, the family home was and still is a pigsty and unsafe.
In November my sister went to my parents and said she was ready to get clean. She gave up her dog and moved back home. Less than a month later my parents threw her out, after she was thrown out of two rehab programs, sold my mother's engagement ring and some other jewelry and got high in their home on heroin. She also lied about being gang raped and beat up.
Fast forward to today... she's six months pregnant. I cut ties with her a long time ago and only hear about her through the grapevine. I am just SICK over this news. She's in no shape to be a mother, and my own mother was not a very good mother, I think the baby should be given to parents who can properly care for it. For this opinion, I'm a cold hearted b**ch. I also live six time zones away so "what do I know anyway" and I "should mind my own business".
I worry she will use the baby as a weapon to get money from our relatives. For awhile I didn't even believe she was pregnant because she's such a liar. She's been "pregnant" before as a means to get cash. And although for my own well-being I have decided I cannot deal with her, it's not the baby's fault.
How do you have a relationship with your addicted relative's child? Is it even possible?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
Welcome to SR! I'm so sorry this is happening, but to answer your question...how can you have a relationship with an addictive relative's child...I'm not sure you can. At least, not at this point. It sounds like you may be the only sane person in your family, and I am happy to know that you have moved far away from their dysfunction.
There's really nothing you can do about your sister and her problems. I know that sucks, especially when there is an innocent baby involved, but really...what could you do? You live on the other side of the world. I hope and pray that the baby will be okay. I wish I had some answers. Maybe someone will come along with better suggestions.
There's really nothing you can do about your sister and her problems. I know that sucks, especially when there is an innocent baby involved, but really...what could you do? You live on the other side of the world. I hope and pray that the baby will be okay. I wish I had some answers. Maybe someone will come along with better suggestions.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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If your sister lives in the states or Canada I know for sure they do a drug test on the baby when it is born and if it is born addicted or with drugs in its system, the government takes the child away.
I am not sure if it is that way in England and other countries, but I know for sure here and in Canada.
You might check on the laws of the country she is in, as it just might be in effect in that country.
Other than that, like Suki said there is nothing you can do, and unless your sister REALLY WANTS RECOVERY, well ...................... you have already seen how that goes.
Good thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.
Love and hugs,
I am not sure if it is that way in England and other countries, but I know for sure here and in Canada.
You might check on the laws of the country she is in, as it just might be in effect in that country.
Other than that, like Suki said there is nothing you can do, and unless your sister REALLY WANTS RECOVERY, well ...................... you have already seen how that goes.
Good thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Thank you for the quick replies! She lives in the US, it is a comfort to know that they'll check the baby for drugs. Awful to know that it's a possibility, but I accept that it is and won't be surprised should it occur.
I guess I already knew the answer to the question too. My husband said the same thing. I wish my parents would try to convince her to put the baby up for adoption. But they're out of their minds with joy at the thought of being grandparents. As if no one in my family has a memory span longer than six months. And then I feel evil for thinking this way. I'm hoping against hope that she'll get better for the sake of her baby.
I guess I already knew the answer to the question too. My husband said the same thing. I wish my parents would try to convince her to put the baby up for adoption. But they're out of their minds with joy at the thought of being grandparents. As if no one in my family has a memory span longer than six months. And then I feel evil for thinking this way. I'm hoping against hope that she'll get better for the sake of her baby.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,896
Addiction is so insidious. It affects so many people who care for the addict. They sometimes say they aren't hurting anyone other than themselves, but is so not true. Anyone who loves them is affected, and they are pretty much helpless to do anything other than detach. It really sucks.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
Far faraway,
I almost could have written your post. My sister is a 20 year meth addict. She has drained my parents financially, robbed the entire family of peace and has become physically violent with me in the past. She had a baby two years ago. I called DCFS while she was still pregnant. They took the baby away in the hospital because she had tested positive at her 4 mo prenatal appointment. It has been a nightmare since. If I had been in state they would have placed him with me. But since I live halfway across the country. He has been in and out of foster care and is now in custody of the father who is more than likely an addict and is codependent to my sister. The baby did a 6 month placement with the parents, and my sister got high and was standing in the middle of a busy street with him in a stroller yelling and talking to herself. In retrospect he wouldn't have been much better with us as I now know about AH's addiction issues.
You could start a dialogue with the DCFS in her area and help them build a case. Maybe the child will be adopted while still young. Other than that when my sister had custody she used the child to extort money from our parents. Not much you can do
I almost could have written your post. My sister is a 20 year meth addict. She has drained my parents financially, robbed the entire family of peace and has become physically violent with me in the past. She had a baby two years ago. I called DCFS while she was still pregnant. They took the baby away in the hospital because she had tested positive at her 4 mo prenatal appointment. It has been a nightmare since. If I had been in state they would have placed him with me. But since I live halfway across the country. He has been in and out of foster care and is now in custody of the father who is more than likely an addict and is codependent to my sister. The baby did a 6 month placement with the parents, and my sister got high and was standing in the middle of a busy street with him in a stroller yelling and talking to herself. In retrospect he wouldn't have been much better with us as I now know about AH's addiction issues.
You could start a dialogue with the DCFS in her area and help them build a case. Maybe the child will be adopted while still young. Other than that when my sister had custody she used the child to extort money from our parents. Not much you can do
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Hi. I just found your thread about your addict sister being pregnant, and I can relate to much of what you're saying. My sister is thirty, has been an addict for 12 years, has had mental issues for 18 years, has been on methadone for over 5 years, and just had a baby in March. She kept the baby, and is in some residential program for women addicts with children. I am just sick over this. She and I are basically estranged, but my parents continue to have a relationship with her (and enable her). My sister is not allowed back in the house, mainly because my husband and my kids and I purchased a house with my parents a few years ago, so we put our foot down by not allowing her to come home. When we bought the house together, the goal was for my sister to go to a long-term rehab program, but that never materialized. My husband and I are confronted with my sister's addiction daily, and we've had some frank discussions with my parents about how she's not allowed to be in the house at all. Now things just got more complicated with a baby in the picture. We don't want to stigmatize the baby, but I also don't feel like I can have a relationship with my nephew, because of all the baggage. It sounds like you are feeling the same way, even though you are far away from your family. It's amazing how these issues follow you wherever you are in the world. At any rate, it feels good to know that I am not alone in this, so please message me if you want to talk some more. It's hard to talk to people about this.
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Thank you FindingErica and Angeliqu for your experiences and kind words. I didn't even see FindingErica's post until yesterday, when you wrote it, I was on vacation!
I couldn't even believe that my sister was pregnant until she was about four months along. I have effectively walled her off from my life and was proud that I don't enable her and that I finally have a happy life that I built myself. After a lot of soul searching, I know now that I cannot allow my sister into my life at the expense of my well being, and the presence of a baby does not change that.
My sister will definitely use the baby for extortion purposes. So far though, she doesn't have to. My parents and relatives are dropping money left and right "for the baby". They just threw her a baby shower! I don't know why I do this to myself, but I searched on Babies R Us and found the registry. Super nice new expensive stuff. She temporarily lives with the baby's father (alcoholic), but he wants her out ASAP. I guess the taxpayers of the state of New York will support her. She tried to have herself declared permanently disabled last year, but that didn't work. I do believe she got herself pregnant on purpose.
I know what you mean Angeliqu when you say it's hard to talk to people about it. I made the mistake of telling one coworker that my sister is having a baby, and I regretted it instantly because everything I feel about it is negative. And then people think there's something wrong with me.
The popular theory is that I'm jealous because I'm 3 years older and have no children. I have no kids because my husband and I are saving for a house, and want to bring children into the world responsibly. But the story of my life (in regard to family), is me being on the receiving end of ridicule for being responsible and honest. And my sister getting everything handed to her by virtue of her screwed-up-ness.
I couldn't even believe that my sister was pregnant until she was about four months along. I have effectively walled her off from my life and was proud that I don't enable her and that I finally have a happy life that I built myself. After a lot of soul searching, I know now that I cannot allow my sister into my life at the expense of my well being, and the presence of a baby does not change that.
My sister will definitely use the baby for extortion purposes. So far though, she doesn't have to. My parents and relatives are dropping money left and right "for the baby". They just threw her a baby shower! I don't know why I do this to myself, but I searched on Babies R Us and found the registry. Super nice new expensive stuff. She temporarily lives with the baby's father (alcoholic), but he wants her out ASAP. I guess the taxpayers of the state of New York will support her. She tried to have herself declared permanently disabled last year, but that didn't work. I do believe she got herself pregnant on purpose.
I know what you mean Angeliqu when you say it's hard to talk to people about it. I made the mistake of telling one coworker that my sister is having a baby, and I regretted it instantly because everything I feel about it is negative. And then people think there's something wrong with me.
The popular theory is that I'm jealous because I'm 3 years older and have no children. I have no kids because my husband and I are saving for a house, and want to bring children into the world responsibly. But the story of my life (in regard to family), is me being on the receiving end of ridicule for being responsible and honest. And my sister getting everything handed to her by virtue of her screwed-up-ness.
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Far faraway,
I'll share something that I most definitely could not were I not
using a pseudonym.
First of all,the family dynamic you describe is incredibly common.
The screwup gets all the attention.They fawn and go nuts when
said family member finishes some goal that is commonly expected of
those not severely handicapped.But the 'other child' can do quite
remarkable and uncommon things........and the only family response is
"yawn"
In my family,it was a sister.Total screwup.Taking overseas contracts
left and right in her field (medical) in order to outrun her stateside problems
(substance abuse and the resultant difficulties with relevant licensing
authorities).
But AT LEAST (according to extended family wisdom) she didn't get pregnant!!
Then she did.
A short term marriage to a great guy. "Wanna know what conflict is??" It is wanting
to tell the groom......Run for the hills,now! Don't look back!
But nobody did (publicly at least).
Now a baby.
If we are not animals-----doesn't a child deserve a decent shot at life when they
are born? Good luck with that growing up with addiction.
As for being the 'older,childless,jealous sister' ---get used to it.If it helps any,I know
for a fact your responsible/anti-screwup life choices are bragged about (behind your back).
Everyone in every family likes to gossip about the screwups internally----because there is
ALWAYS something new and delicious to talk about (we humans LOVE gossip!).
But trust me,EXTERNALLY.....they brag about you.
When they are in an environ that is not 'sweatpants friendly' and are feeling
marginally inadequate....then believe you me ------ YOUR responsibility and accomplishments are simultaneously their primary armor and weapon.
But internally?
If you become a CEO,you "got into some sort of business"
If you become president,you "dabble in some sort of politics"
If you fly a space shuttle,you "went off somewhere on business"
.......get used to it!
(soooooo- if you want family center stage.........get addicted!)
I'll share something that I most definitely could not were I not
using a pseudonym.
First of all,the family dynamic you describe is incredibly common.
The screwup gets all the attention.They fawn and go nuts when
said family member finishes some goal that is commonly expected of
those not severely handicapped.But the 'other child' can do quite
remarkable and uncommon things........and the only family response is
"yawn"
In my family,it was a sister.Total screwup.Taking overseas contracts
left and right in her field (medical) in order to outrun her stateside problems
(substance abuse and the resultant difficulties with relevant licensing
authorities).
But AT LEAST (according to extended family wisdom) she didn't get pregnant!!
Then she did.
A short term marriage to a great guy. "Wanna know what conflict is??" It is wanting
to tell the groom......Run for the hills,now! Don't look back!
But nobody did (publicly at least).
Now a baby.
If we are not animals-----doesn't a child deserve a decent shot at life when they
are born? Good luck with that growing up with addiction.
As for being the 'older,childless,jealous sister' ---get used to it.If it helps any,I know
for a fact your responsible/anti-screwup life choices are bragged about (behind your back).
Everyone in every family likes to gossip about the screwups internally----because there is
ALWAYS something new and delicious to talk about (we humans LOVE gossip!).
But trust me,EXTERNALLY.....they brag about you.
When they are in an environ that is not 'sweatpants friendly' and are feeling
marginally inadequate....then believe you me ------ YOUR responsibility and accomplishments are simultaneously their primary armor and weapon.
But internally?
If you become a CEO,you "got into some sort of business"
If you become president,you "dabble in some sort of politics"
If you fly a space shuttle,you "went off somewhere on business"
.......get used to it!
(soooooo- if you want family center stage.........get addicted!)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
Hey! First I'm sorry about your situation. I grew up in a similarly dysfunctional family so I understand. I certainly would check the laws in your area as another poster said. Many states in the U.S. have strict laws for babies born drug addicted. As for the baby's benefit I would certainly look into speaking with social services and getting some advice on anonymously giving someone in charge the heads up on that your sister is an addict and the baby could possibly be drug addicted when born.
A close friend of mine went through this with her daughter. She knew her daughter did drugs but didn't report it. When the baby was a few months old the boyfriend of her daughter was putting crack rocks in it's bottle to keep it from crying. It was later on determined that the baby was in fact crack addicted at birth but the crack did not show up in the woman's system or the baby's at the time of the birth.
I would certainly get involved, even if from afar because that sort of thing just disgusts me to no ends. No addict should raise a child, they can't even take care of themselves and it unfair to the child.
A close friend of mine went through this with her daughter. She knew her daughter did drugs but didn't report it. When the baby was a few months old the boyfriend of her daughter was putting crack rocks in it's bottle to keep it from crying. It was later on determined that the baby was in fact crack addicted at birth but the crack did not show up in the woman's system or the baby's at the time of the birth.
I would certainly get involved, even if from afar because that sort of thing just disgusts me to no ends. No addict should raise a child, they can't even take care of themselves and it unfair to the child.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by farfaraway 
I worry she will use the baby as a weapon to get money from our relatives.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
I did some checking around... Apparently she's already on the radar of CPS and is required to go to some sort of group therapy + drug testing. She was supposed to move into a sober living house for single mothers but she doesn't want to.
Four weeks ago I stopped calling my parents. And so haven't heard a word from them. It feels good. I spoke to my 90 year old great aunt, who believes I am wrong for the way I feel and for not calling my family. Putting myself before them is not "the Christian way" lol. Five years ago I would have believed she was absolutely right. I can handle her, but for now everyone else is out.
Thank you everyone here who has helped me to see clearly. I was in a good place mentally before I found out I was going to be an aunt. But the baby threw me off balance. I guess every big life change takes an adjustment.
Four weeks ago I stopped calling my parents. And so haven't heard a word from them. It feels good. I spoke to my 90 year old great aunt, who believes I am wrong for the way I feel and for not calling my family. Putting myself before them is not "the Christian way" lol. Five years ago I would have believed she was absolutely right. I can handle her, but for now everyone else is out.
Thank you everyone here who has helped me to see clearly. I was in a good place mentally before I found out I was going to be an aunt. But the baby threw me off balance. I guess every big life change takes an adjustment.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 6
farfaraway, my addicted brother isn't a father (that i know of) but my sister who was bipolar (and eventually killed herself) had a child when I was 10 (she was 28) and was in NO state to raise a child...I wanted so badly to be a part of that kids life - but due to family dynamics i never saw her. when i was 16, i contacted my sister and asked to visit. I got to know my niece a bit but again....my sister cut off ties. I had to leave it be - but after my sister passed away - i was able to get in touch with my niece again...now, we have a great relationship - i missed most of her childhood (she is now 18) but now we're close.
Hopefully your niece/nephew will be ok where ever they end up and if you can...try to see that child anyway you can...speaking from experience my nieces are a source of pure joy for me!! And i'm sure if you possibly can...even if not now but in the future...your niece/nephew will bring you lots of joy! (and having a positive supportive person in their life can only be beneficial!)
xo
Hopefully your niece/nephew will be ok where ever they end up and if you can...try to see that child anyway you can...speaking from experience my nieces are a source of pure joy for me!! And i'm sure if you possibly can...even if not now but in the future...your niece/nephew will bring you lots of joy! (and having a positive supportive person in their life can only be beneficial!)
xo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
Thanks rollercoaster for your experience. It's cool that you make such an effort, even back when you were still young.
I hope someday I can be a part of the baby's life (it's a girl). I'm not ready yet though to be in the same room with her mother. That "detached dialogue" or whatever it's called described in the stickies - I can do that with my parents most of the time, but I'm still in fight or flight mode with my sister.
That I live six time zones away doesn't help much either....
I hope someday I can be a part of the baby's life (it's a girl). I'm not ready yet though to be in the same room with her mother. That "detached dialogue" or whatever it's called described in the stickies - I can do that with my parents most of the time, but I'm still in fight or flight mode with my sister.
That I live six time zones away doesn't help much either....
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
My cousin had her third child taken away at birth because of a positive drug test. She had three kids, 13, 11, and 7. As a 10+ year meth addict I can't imagine what sort of horror her oldest child has witnessed. I see myself in that girl, taking care of her sibling in a sea of trash and instability, and I wish I knew of a way to develop a better relationship with her. I imagine you will also relate to that. 
In the beginning she used the kids as leverage to get whatever she wanted from her mother "for the children" and I think the scenario of the family trying to help those kids allowed her to continue using for a lot longer than she would otherwise have been able to. She ended up losing custody of the other children as well before she ever tried to overcome her addiction. She is now in active recovery and has regained custody of all of her kids after years of hard work, struggle, and more hard work.
I don't have any answers for you - but I wanted to say that I understand how much it sucks to maintain boundaries when innocents are involved. I used to send a toy for each child at Christmas to my aunt, even though I didn't have any communication with my cousin. I wish there was an easy way out of this, but there's not.
In the beginning she used the kids as leverage to get whatever she wanted from her mother "for the children" and I think the scenario of the family trying to help those kids allowed her to continue using for a lot longer than she would otherwise have been able to. She ended up losing custody of the other children as well before she ever tried to overcome her addiction. She is now in active recovery and has regained custody of all of her kids after years of hard work, struggle, and more hard work.
I don't have any answers for you - but I wanted to say that I understand how much it sucks to maintain boundaries when innocents are involved. I used to send a toy for each child at Christmas to my aunt, even though I didn't have any communication with my cousin. I wish there was an easy way out of this, but there's not.
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Posts: 110
I decided to resurrect my old first post to do an update:
She made it nearly to her daughter's third birthday, but my sister is in jail as I write.
She was found by the police in her car with her daughter in the back. High as a kite and unresponsive. They also found heroin in the car.
I don't feel anything. Not surprised. And not sad. If anything, I'd say prepared. And thank you all who helped me back then, for that.
Anyway, I haven't posted on this board for a looong time. I still live in Europe, and my relationship with family is cordial, but distant. No one told me this happened over a week ago. Today I just had a hunch and googled her name. Found her mugshot. She looks 50 years old. I may start posting again, as the news sinks in. I don't know if I'm ok yet.
She made it nearly to her daughter's third birthday, but my sister is in jail as I write.
She was found by the police in her car with her daughter in the back. High as a kite and unresponsive. They also found heroin in the car.
I don't feel anything. Not surprised. And not sad. If anything, I'd say prepared. And thank you all who helped me back then, for that.
Anyway, I haven't posted on this board for a looong time. I still live in Europe, and my relationship with family is cordial, but distant. No one told me this happened over a week ago. Today I just had a hunch and googled her name. Found her mugshot. She looks 50 years old. I may start posting again, as the news sinks in. I don't know if I'm ok yet.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
I was new to SR when you first wrote, and I am sorry you are here again under these circumstances. It seems like the story has played out in the way you expected, and I am glad the child wasn't in a car accident as a result. I hope that now the proper authorities will do all they can to keep your niece safe.
When you said you were prepared, does that mean a plan is in place or that you had prepared yourself mentally for something like this happening?
I am the mother of a RAD who just had her first child one week ago. She's strong in her recovery and understands the consequences of a relapse very well. It takes a lot of people, love, and work to recover well, and I am grateful at the moment that she has the support she does. I can't say I don't worry, but I am glad today about this new baby and her place in our family.
I wish you all the best and will keep that little girl in my prayers.
When you said you were prepared, does that mean a plan is in place or that you had prepared yourself mentally for something like this happening?
I am the mother of a RAD who just had her first child one week ago. She's strong in her recovery and understands the consequences of a relapse very well. It takes a lot of people, love, and work to recover well, and I am grateful at the moment that she has the support she does. I can't say I don't worry, but I am glad today about this new baby and her place in our family.
I wish you all the best and will keep that little girl in my prayers.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 38
im right here
Originally Posted by farfaraway
Hello! I've been reading posts on this forum for awhile and they've helped me a lot. Now I have a problem where I could use some answers.
My 28 year old sister has had problems with drugs and alcohol about 14 years now. Growing up with her was a nightmare, and every ounce of our parents' time/money/concern was spent on her. They were not able to provide for mine and my brother's well-being, nor were they able to keep us safe from her abuse and theft of our money and valuables. My parents are also pretty dysfunctional, the family home was and still is a pigsty and unsafe.
In November my sister went to my parents and said she was ready to get clean. She gave up her dog and moved back home. Less than a month later my parents threw her out, after she was thrown out of two rehab programs, sold my mother's engagement ring and some other jewelry and got high in their home on heroin. She also lied about being gang raped and beat up.
Fast forward to today... she's six months pregnant. I cut ties with her a long time ago and only hear about her through the grapevine. I am just SICK over this news. She's in no shape to be a mother, and my own mother was not a very good mother, I think the baby should be given to parents who can properly care for it. For this opinion, I'm a cold hearted b**ch. I also live six time zones away so "what do I know anyway" and I "should mind my own business".
I worry she will use the baby as a weapon to get money from our relatives. For awhile I didn't even believe she was pregnant because she's such a liar. She's been "pregnant" before as a means to get cash. And although for my own well-being I have decided I cannot deal with her, it's not the baby's fault.
How do you have a relationship with your addicted relative's child? Is it even possible?
My 28 year old sister has had problems with drugs and alcohol about 14 years now. Growing up with her was a nightmare, and every ounce of our parents' time/money/concern was spent on her. They were not able to provide for mine and my brother's well-being, nor were they able to keep us safe from her abuse and theft of our money and valuables. My parents are also pretty dysfunctional, the family home was and still is a pigsty and unsafe.
In November my sister went to my parents and said she was ready to get clean. She gave up her dog and moved back home. Less than a month later my parents threw her out, after she was thrown out of two rehab programs, sold my mother's engagement ring and some other jewelry and got high in their home on heroin. She also lied about being gang raped and beat up.
Fast forward to today... she's six months pregnant. I cut ties with her a long time ago and only hear about her through the grapevine. I am just SICK over this news. She's in no shape to be a mother, and my own mother was not a very good mother, I think the baby should be given to parents who can properly care for it. For this opinion, I'm a cold hearted b**ch. I also live six time zones away so "what do I know anyway" and I "should mind my own business".
I worry she will use the baby as a weapon to get money from our relatives. For awhile I didn't even believe she was pregnant because she's such a liar. She's been "pregnant" before as a means to get cash. And although for my own well-being I have decided I cannot deal with her, it's not the baby's fault.
How do you have a relationship with your addicted relative's child? Is it even possible?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by GardenMama
When you said you were prepared, does that mean a plan is in place or that you had prepared yourself mentally for something like this happening?
I hope recovery sticks for your daughter. It's good that she has her family helping her. I doubt she would have a chance without that.I meant that I was prepared mentally for this happening. My sister is an addict, even when she isn't using. She was a danger to her daughter even when she was sober, if you ask me.
My niece (according to the news because no family or friend has told me a thing) is with her father at his parents house. Apparently, he's an alcoholic and they are all hoarders, but an active heroin addict told me that. It was on the regional news where my family lives, and in the newspaper. Pretty sure everyone knows. I'm SO glad I live six time zones away.
I doubt my own parents have made any plans regarding what has happened. Except perhaps to figure out how they will sweep it under the rug, or plan what they will tell people who ask. Their house would fail any CPS welfare check. And they were crummy parents, so I wouldn't recommend them.
I would love to adopt my niece, my husband and I have discussed it before. She would have her own room, a clean stable home, sober parents etc. But we live in another country, and we wouldn't do it unless we really became her legal, lawful parents. Otherwise she'd have problems to stay in this country for any length of time. No one in our dysfunctional family will want to allow that because I will definitely limit her contact with them. They never wanted what's best for my niece, she'd have been living with another family since day one if they had.
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Originally Posted by Sister3
My situation is soooo similar its scary! My parents live out of state(both alcoholics) I have a 22 yr old sister that has been using since 17. Also have an 18 yr old sister that is pregnant and due in September. She smokes heroin! The caseworker spread told me cps will be standing by to take the baby, and my parents put everything on me...they are mad because I said I can't and won't adopt the baby. I have raised my sisters, going to alanon, and counseling to learn to let go...im here for ya anytime. I know how it feels...its heartbreaking...just brings me to my knees sometimes just to see them as this weird host to an evil, lying, manipulative being...they aren't my sisters when heroin is in their viens...
My sister is over 30 now, and I have to say, I don't know her anymore. Even when she doesn't use, her brain is completely fried and her lifestyle is not normal. Her life revolves around getting high when she's using, or avoiding drugs/drug users when she's not using. I can't relate with her on any level.
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