Freedom1990

About a month ago I took a nasty fall over one of my dogs, and ended up turning the outside of my left food in and under badly enough that my big toe looked like a sausage. I was hobbling for quite some time but it seemed things were healing.

My big toe started bothering me again late last week, so it was x-rayed yesterday. Unbeknownst to me (I had declined x-rays when it first happened), a triangular shaped chip on one of the toe bones was there, and trying to heal, but still open on one side. So back into a walking boot I went! (I had a stress fracture 4 years ago when I missed the last two steps to the basement while carrying a full basket of clothes.)

It's a blessing that my job won't be hindered by the walking boot, and at least the bone will completely heal now.

Our tiny Alanon group dissolved early this month, so that was a huge disappointment for me, but I continue to read the Alanon literature, including my daily reading book Courage to Change.

AD has a move-out date that is non-negotiable, so I've had the gamut of manipulations from her that have availed her nothing. It is stressful to a degree, regardless of how hard I am working my program. What carries me through is knowing my home soon will once again be my home, just me and the zoo crew. I know I have done the best that I can in giving her a chance to get on her feet. It became obvious a few weeks ago that she isn't willing to truly change the things she needs to in order to be in recovery.

She spent time in jail over the holiday weekend as I had gotten pulled over heading to Wichita for her not wearing her seat belt. She ended up in cuffs and in the police car as she had a civil warrant out of the county Wichita is in. The officer was very kind, and apologized for having to take her in, which I told him it was another instance where her past had caught up with her. I also made it clear I was not following him to the jail to bail her out. He said he wasn't going to tell her that till they got there as he wanted a quiet ride to the jail. The warrant was for an unpaid medical bill she ran from after she left Wichita (she lived there for a time many years ago). It was painful for me to see her get cuffed, and extremely sad.

So it looks likely she will continue to live as she does, associate with the people she does, and stay stuck in a dark hole the rest of her life. As for detaching with love while she is still with me, I can say that I am angry enough with her that it is easy to stand firm on the move-out date. I am detached, though not with love, which will come later after I am living by myself once again and settled back into a non-chaotic, quiet life.

Starting the day with a gratitude list or just thinking of all the things I am grateful for during the day have also helped me tremendously.

I haven't posted much since getting my computer back, but I am busier these days now that I am working. I get along well with my client, and was pleased to hear from his case worker that his attitude has started to improve since I started caring for him.

All in all, I can't complain. I appreciate all the posts I read every morning and continue to learn from them. Sending all you wonderful people here at SR warm hugs from soon to be stormy Kansas! :ghug3

LoveMeNow

Thank you for the update! Glad you still have your serenity thorugh all of this. <3

Side note - You can be arrested for unpaid medical bill??

Freedom1990

Let me clarify that I have no doubt the medical provider contacted her in regard to the bill, and when she skipped town, they had no way of communicating with her anymore. She has several outstanding bills, one of which I know for sure is to Verizon for $1200.00 because she told me.

It was strange as I had never heard of a civil warrant before. She did not have to appear in front of a judge, just had to sign papers making payment arrangements for the bill, and then she was released.

bluebelle

Good for you for not following them to the courthouse. It sounds like you are doing a good job with detachment. It sounds like you are letting her own her obligations and problems. I'm glad you have a move out date set and you will have peace in the house soon.

Sorry about your foot. I hope it heals quickly.

laurie6781

You are doing good Dev!!!!! Even though you did extend the
'move out' date, rofl

However, please remember, if she brings drugs into the house
or comes home 'high' that is the deal breaker and out she
goes.

You have been more than fair with her, you really have! I am
sorry that you are going through this one more time, but I
believe HP had a reason, lol

I love you, take care, will talk to you soon.

Love and hugs,

hope213

good for you. isn't it nice to live in serenity. i have mastered the letting go. is was not easy but it is so much better.hugs,

Endofline

I'm fairly new to this site but I can tell you it has helped me so much already. I don't know you or your previous post but I'm glad that you are able to stand strong and do what you know is needed to move on with your life and be healthy. I hope that the quiet and serenity that you speak of will let your mind be clear and that will lead the way for new beginnings. I'm not nearly as far a long as you are with my recovery and so even though I have come to hate the constant chaos and he'll that my relationship brings, I find that when I have alone time I start to think back on our good times and I get sad and lonely. I haven't found that serenity that I need. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing it gives me hope and I wish you the best.

Kindeyes

I wondered what you've been up to! Thanks for checking in and letting us know that you're ok.

The foot thing......ouch!

gentle hugs
ke