Boyfriend on way to recovery, please pray for us
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: London
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Boyfriend on way to recovery, please pray for us
Hi guys!
My bf has been clean now for 3 weeks, I know it's not long but I'm very proud of him and hoping that he remains clean. He was using heroin and crack on top of his meth script, not every day but more often than not! He kept all of this a secret from me and I only recently found out, I mean I knew he had a past but that was it, a past, but sadly he still felt the need to use. I've read up on addiction and enabling and I'm trying my very best, I have my first support group meeting this evening, which I'm nervous about but I know I will come out of there feeling better. He has his own key worker but they aren't the best of friends and he had found a different support network and said he wants to try NA meetings again(he tried a few years back but didn't like the whole 'religion' thing). The last few days he has been speaking to me about things like never before, telling me things and saying how he is feeling, he said that he ain't even sure if it's a physical dependency, he thinks he enjoys the whole procedure of getting his gear and preparing it more so than actually doing it, does this sound right? Could it be mentally dependency? He has a very good job and had held this down for a year, travelling around the country with his work. I asked him if he wanted to do this or not, he said these words which I don't think I will ever forget, ' I know if I carry on, I will die, I don't want to die I want to live and live my life with you and my family, I'm tired of the chase, I need to understand my triggers, I don't want this anymore'. His family aren't very hopeful which I understand as they have probably heard this more times than not, I am, i live with hope that he can do this. I'm keeping some distance between us at the same time so he can help himself. Any advice from you guys would be helpful
My bf has been clean now for 3 weeks, I know it's not long but I'm very proud of him and hoping that he remains clean. He was using heroin and crack on top of his meth script, not every day but more often than not! He kept all of this a secret from me and I only recently found out, I mean I knew he had a past but that was it, a past, but sadly he still felt the need to use. I've read up on addiction and enabling and I'm trying my very best, I have my first support group meeting this evening, which I'm nervous about but I know I will come out of there feeling better. He has his own key worker but they aren't the best of friends and he had found a different support network and said he wants to try NA meetings again(he tried a few years back but didn't like the whole 'religion' thing). The last few days he has been speaking to me about things like never before, telling me things and saying how he is feeling, he said that he ain't even sure if it's a physical dependency, he thinks he enjoys the whole procedure of getting his gear and preparing it more so than actually doing it, does this sound right? Could it be mentally dependency? He has a very good job and had held this down for a year, travelling around the country with his work. I asked him if he wanted to do this or not, he said these words which I don't think I will ever forget, ' I know if I carry on, I will die, I don't want to die I want to live and live my life with you and my family, I'm tired of the chase, I need to understand my triggers, I don't want this anymore'. His family aren't very hopeful which I understand as they have probably heard this more times than not, I am, i live with hope that he can do this. I'm keeping some distance between us at the same time so he can help himself. Any advice from you guys would be helpful
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Hi Wonderful !
My husband has 3 weeks clean also. 23 days exactly. I know the pride you feel because I feel it too. My husband had to go into rehab center though. He tried at home but the withdrawals were too much for then that is wonderful.
This is the first time my husband has tried to stop using. He came to that on his own and reached out for help. It sounds like your boyfriend made the decision on his own also. At the rehab center I have talked to my husbands doctors, and the family therapist. They tell me that the decision to quit coupled with the realization of whats been lost, and understanding of what they still have to lose if they continue down that path is key to everything. It’s the motivation that keeps them going through the ups and down of recovery.
I think it is a good idea for him to reach out for some type of support system, NA, or a therapist. What you said about him realizing there is a strong emotional connection to the drug. That is exactly what I have been told by my husbands doctors. Getting through the physical part is only the beginning. Our men have a long way to go for sure. I feel good today though. I saw a sparkle in my hubands eyes that hasn’t been there in a long time, and it is because he is off those drugs, and looking towards the future.
My husbands family has not been supportive either. It hurts him. But yesterday my parents went with me to see him at the rehab center, and he was so happy to see them. He appreciated their coming more than me I think. He knows how much I love him, but their coming really showed that he was part of a family unit and they were willing to stand by him through this.
I have been having trouble as of late dealing with all this. But Im going to start working more with the family therapist. His rehab center is in another state, so I cant go see her exactly, but we are going to do skype sessions and see how that works. You need support also and I hope that your first support group meeting goes well for you. I will be praying for both of you and keep posting and we can share what we are going though.
My husband has 3 weeks clean also. 23 days exactly. I know the pride you feel because I feel it too. My husband had to go into rehab center though. He tried at home but the withdrawals were too much for then that is wonderful.
This is the first time my husband has tried to stop using. He came to that on his own and reached out for help. It sounds like your boyfriend made the decision on his own also. At the rehab center I have talked to my husbands doctors, and the family therapist. They tell me that the decision to quit coupled with the realization of whats been lost, and understanding of what they still have to lose if they continue down that path is key to everything. It’s the motivation that keeps them going through the ups and down of recovery.
I think it is a good idea for him to reach out for some type of support system, NA, or a therapist. What you said about him realizing there is a strong emotional connection to the drug. That is exactly what I have been told by my husbands doctors. Getting through the physical part is only the beginning. Our men have a long way to go for sure. I feel good today though. I saw a sparkle in my hubands eyes that hasn’t been there in a long time, and it is because he is off those drugs, and looking towards the future.
My husbands family has not been supportive either. It hurts him. But yesterday my parents went with me to see him at the rehab center, and he was so happy to see them. He appreciated their coming more than me I think. He knows how much I love him, but their coming really showed that he was part of a family unit and they were willing to stand by him through this.
I have been having trouble as of late dealing with all this. But Im going to start working more with the family therapist. His rehab center is in another state, so I cant go see her exactly, but we are going to do skype sessions and see how that works. You need support also and I hope that your first support group meeting goes well for you. I will be praying for both of you and keep posting and we can share what we are going though.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I dropped a sentence in the above post.
What I was trying to say was it is wonderful your boyfriend was able to go through withdrawals on his own. My husband couldnt do it, but then he was taking several different things and one I guess can cause seizures and other bad things if you simply stop taking it.
My husband also has been able to kep his job through all this. He is on a medical leave right now. I know his job is important to him, and it also is a big confidence boost. Glad your boyfriend has been able to keep his. Its one more thing he has to motivate him to stay clean.
What I was trying to say was it is wonderful your boyfriend was able to go through withdrawals on his own. My husband couldnt do it, but then he was taking several different things and one I guess can cause seizures and other bad things if you simply stop taking it.
My husband also has been able to kep his job through all this. He is on a medical leave right now. I know his job is important to him, and it also is a big confidence boost. Glad your boyfriend has been able to keep his. Its one more thing he has to motivate him to stay clean.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London
Posts: 4
Hi,
Thanks for your post, it's good to know that there's someone else out there who understands what I'm going through at the moment, I'm keeping you and your husband in my thoughts
My bf has made contact with a new key worker, he just needs to make an appointment, but it's difficult with work but he's committed and said he'll work things around it all, but I agree with you, his job is defo a positive thing and is helping him to remain clean, he adores his job, he has been waiting a long time for an opportunity like this to come along.
The weather in London has been amazing lately, we had a picnic on Saturday, and I too saw a sparkle in his eyes, he looked alive and he said he felt good, I watched him as he looked at his self in the mirror and put wax in his hair, he smiled to himself in the mirror, I asked him what he was smiling at and he said 'a new me and a new life!'
I know your husband and my bf have a long road ahead of them, but with self belief they can do this, I've always said nothing is impossible if you really want it.
I will defo keep you posted, through the good and the bad, but hoping theres less of the bad!
Take care, sending u both my thoughts and prayers from across the pond! X
Thanks for your post, it's good to know that there's someone else out there who understands what I'm going through at the moment, I'm keeping you and your husband in my thoughts
My bf has made contact with a new key worker, he just needs to make an appointment, but it's difficult with work but he's committed and said he'll work things around it all, but I agree with you, his job is defo a positive thing and is helping him to remain clean, he adores his job, he has been waiting a long time for an opportunity like this to come along.
The weather in London has been amazing lately, we had a picnic on Saturday, and I too saw a sparkle in his eyes, he looked alive and he said he felt good, I watched him as he looked at his self in the mirror and put wax in his hair, he smiled to himself in the mirror, I asked him what he was smiling at and he said 'a new me and a new life!'
I know your husband and my bf have a long road ahead of them, but with self belief they can do this, I've always said nothing is impossible if you really want it.
I will defo keep you posted, through the good and the bad, but hoping theres less of the bad!
Take care, sending u both my thoughts and prayers from across the pond! X
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
said he wants to try NA meetings again(he tried a few years back but didn't like the whole 'religion' thing).
Maybe that will help him keep the NA stuff in perspective.
You and your dear bf will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Wonderful and allforcnm,
3 weeks is a long time! Where did I read that it takes 21 days for humans to form
a habit?! Probably some Readers digest article decades ago.
But both of you will be in our prayers for continued recovery and congratulations
to both of your men for saying YES to life.
3 weeks is a long time! Where did I read that it takes 21 days for humans to form
a habit?! Probably some Readers digest article decades ago.
But both of you will be in our prayers for continued recovery and congratulations
to both of your men for saying YES to life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Wonderful.
Thank you for sharing that about your boyfriend looking in the mirror and seeing a new man. I mean that says it all doesn’t it when you see life back in their eyes and their spirit.
I hope he gets along with his new key worker Im sure that could be a positive relationship for him and someone to turn to when he needs it. I think that most people who quit make the decision, find the strength within themselves, and stick with it until a new way of life is established. Im expecting some ups and downs too, but I have a lot of faith and I agree nothing is impossible if you really want it.
My husband is going to be in rehab center for a while longer, and then the plan is for him to continue with outpatient therapy once he gets home. I get what you are saying about your boyfriends issues with NA and the religious aspects and all that. My husband, at first coming off the drugs he was very anxious and paranoid. When I saw him the first time, he didn’t trust the doctors and the staff, and felt like he was going to be brainwashed. Silly I know but in an altered mind I guess it was reasonable. I explained to him that this center was not like that and it was based only on individual therapy, he wasn’t going to have to do the steps and all that. Last time I saw him, he was telling me he quite liked his main doctor, and thanked me for getting him there. What was so awful and I told him this the other day, the day he arrived, he was so messed up that I could have taken him to the zoo and he would have checked himself in there as long as he thought they were going to make him feel better. I told him he was lucky I was in a loving mood that day. It is nice to be able to have a few light moments with him now that he is starting to feel better.
Vale. Thank you. I know my husband has a long way to go, but I know he can do this if he sets his mind to it. We have a new baby, turning 5 months on Friday and I think his son has been a huge inspiration for him. But please Yes, pray for us !
Thank you for sharing that about your boyfriend looking in the mirror and seeing a new man. I mean that says it all doesn’t it when you see life back in their eyes and their spirit.
I hope he gets along with his new key worker Im sure that could be a positive relationship for him and someone to turn to when he needs it. I think that most people who quit make the decision, find the strength within themselves, and stick with it until a new way of life is established. Im expecting some ups and downs too, but I have a lot of faith and I agree nothing is impossible if you really want it.
My husband is going to be in rehab center for a while longer, and then the plan is for him to continue with outpatient therapy once he gets home. I get what you are saying about your boyfriends issues with NA and the religious aspects and all that. My husband, at first coming off the drugs he was very anxious and paranoid. When I saw him the first time, he didn’t trust the doctors and the staff, and felt like he was going to be brainwashed. Silly I know but in an altered mind I guess it was reasonable. I explained to him that this center was not like that and it was based only on individual therapy, he wasn’t going to have to do the steps and all that. Last time I saw him, he was telling me he quite liked his main doctor, and thanked me for getting him there. What was so awful and I told him this the other day, the day he arrived, he was so messed up that I could have taken him to the zoo and he would have checked himself in there as long as he thought they were going to make him feel better. I told him he was lucky I was in a loving mood that day. It is nice to be able to have a few light moments with him now that he is starting to feel better.
Vale. Thank you. I know my husband has a long way to go, but I know he can do this if he sets his mind to it. We have a new baby, turning 5 months on Friday and I think his son has been a huge inspiration for him. But please Yes, pray for us !
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: London
Posts: 4
Update:
Hi everyone, things have been going ok, I think my bf has had a relapse although he is denying this. I've got a gut feeling that he has been using but he says he hasn't not sure what to believe. He is still talking a lot more bout things and I went along with him to see his key worker last week which was good, I never said a word I let him speak but he did say after he felt happier with me sitting beside him.
We go away for a week on Sunday for a holiday, carrying his methodone to another country is very stressful and makes him feel embarrassed, we both said that this is another reason to be drug free!
Anyway, I'll keep posting updates......
Take care
X
Hi everyone, things have been going ok, I think my bf has had a relapse although he is denying this. I've got a gut feeling that he has been using but he says he hasn't not sure what to believe. He is still talking a lot more bout things and I went along with him to see his key worker last week which was good, I never said a word I let him speak but he did say after he felt happier with me sitting beside him.
We go away for a week on Sunday for a holiday, carrying his methodone to another country is very stressful and makes him feel embarrassed, we both said that this is another reason to be drug free!
Anyway, I'll keep posting updates......
Take care
X
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