figure

Anvilhead.....I know....I know.....what did you think about the text messages between us??? Why did he say thank you and lol......after all this time.....It's like it was just a game to him or something.....I feel sick.....but I like the way you are very upfront with m e...I need this...

from yesterday: our text messages: I just sent him a text that said " this makes me feel like trash and I cant do this anymore. You shouldnt want to see me when your gf is pregnant with your child" He sent me back a text that said "Thank You" ??????????????????????????? WOW! I sent him back a text that said "he's life is about to change and hes about to discover what it's like to raise a child.....its not easy in todays world"......he sent me a text back that said "Lol"............OMG

Windmills

You are exactly right, this is a game to him. It's harsh but I think you need the truth rather than people going all around the houses and sugar coating it. If HE had the feelings you have for him, he wouldn't be behaving this way. It's all a game to him and he doesn't care about your feelings, he's even told you that.
It's painful but think logically.. What do you really think this man has to offer in a relationship? I'd bet he treats his partner just as bad, if not worse.

cc88

Honestly, i know girls don't want to be the "crazy ex" but judging by the texts, that's what you are to him. cept not ex. crazy former fwb. He translated your first text to "this is wrong, lets end it" so hes saying 'thank you, thats what i been saying this whole damn time.' and he translated your 2nd text to 'now im gonna be chummy wish you luck, and let you know things you're already aware of living with someone with kids' so instead of opening a can of worms and saying 'im helping her support and raise her kids, i know what im getting into better than you, thanks" he said "lol"

You dont need that kind of person in your life at all

figure

Thanks Windmills.....I'm just in shock.....he has sad some similiar ugly things like this in the past but his actions showed he really didnt mean it.........I know with an addict everything changes daily.....I cant ever really go by what he says but by his actions......when we did see each other in person, most of the time, we had a blast.....I just dont understand how someone can use someone like this and for soooooo long.....I realize I have allowed this...I guess deep down I thought he would eventually want to date me too. I feel numb today.......

figure

I have all of melody's books.....sounds like I need to re read.....and Alanon didnt help me...not around here anyway.....thinking about trying Celebrate Recovery this time....I feel like I have relapsed.....went through this 2 years ago or so........I am in a cleaning mood right now......no suicidal thoughts today....I pray it stays like that.....I cant handle those nightmares....last night I was so exhausted I dont even remember thank goodness......thank yall soooooo much.

tbeit

((tbeit)) how can he be USING me for sex when he obviously is getting sex from his pregnant gf????? That makes no sense to me......I dont understand why he would CONTINU to want to have sex with ME when he is OBVIOUSLY getting that with someone else who he is living with???

Are you kidding some guys have three or four women who they have steady things with I'm sorry that he is doing this to you but you are being naive if you think just because he has a girlfriend he wont use you for sex

lesliej

it takes two to tango...

that is probably the best, and hardest, part of recovery in these situations...is owning the fact that you keep showing up to dance the crazy dance

the fact is that those texts could be translated by most of us, and probably all in very similar ways...except that when you can't see the big picture and you're stuck in the rut you just keep trying to figure out exact meanings of little tiny words of a single text...while the big picture is horrible

walk away...one step at a time...one moment at a time...keep reaching out...keep breathing...do nice things for yourself...find a group...
the text messages are NOTHING, when you find yourself obsessing just breathe deeply and write some more, call someone, take a walk...
empty words, hurtful words, harming words...are bitter fruit. stop the harvest

figure

I dont think he will ever contact me again if I leave him alone now.....so I'm trying to get him out of my mind but he's all I keep thinking about.....still.....

Doingfine

Hope these honest opinions help you to move on but in my experience, women don't break up cuz someone else suggests it. Even if they should.

lesliej

that's why there are so many movies, songs, and books written about this very situation! sometimes it helps to know that you are sooooo not alone. this kind of hurt AND HEALING are part of the fabric of our imperfect humanity.

now you just need to gently and lovingly take on the responsibility to take good care of yourself. you will probably go through stages of anger, grief, relief, happy, anger, grief....and so on, over and over for awhile. but each time you go through the cycle it WILL get better. over time you will realize that you are spiraling UPWARD instead of down.

just keep "doing the next right thing" for yourself and let time work its magic on healing your heart and mind!!

ODAT63

Read women who love too much by Robin Norwood, it is really a good book.
People like your BF and my AXH hate themselves so much and they are very miserable so they share they hatred and misery with anyone that let's them.
My problem is that I think I am not lovable so I find people that reinforces that belief. When in my lowest I write about 100 times a day "I love and accept myself exactly as I am" until I belive it, it really helps, after my recent relapse trying to contact my ex, I am doing this and everytime I think of him I switch that thought with " I love and accept myself exactly as I am". Say it too, at least 300 times.
You are great and very much lovable.
:ghug3

Impurrfect

I have to agree with (((Leise))) - I tried to commit suicide at LEAST 3 times when I was with the first XABF. I felt I was nothing without him.

I am STILL (5 years into recovery) not sure of the man I want, but I certainly know what I DON'T want.

I can't afford counseling, I depend on SR, but it has been a Godsend. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I don't want any relationship with a man who has addiction issues, thinks having other gf's is "okay". You want me? Then step up to the plate. Complement life, don't complete it. I'm okay being me, I pray I NEVER put a man ahead of my well-being again.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Windmills

To reinforce the other ladies point.. You DESERVE so much better. You DESERVE to be loved back when you give your love to someone. You DESERVE a good man who will treat you well, as an equal, with the respect and consistent affection that you DESERVE.
While you're still stuck on this man, you are totally unable to find any of that. Who knows, give yourself a chance, you might even find that you're happy being single

Jilllian

have you read the book "he's not that into you" (or something like that) from a few years back? it sounds hokey, but sooooooo much of it is true. it was an eye opener for me when i asked myself questions like "hmmmm, things seemed to be going well, what happened?" and the simple answer was, "he's not that into you." it's very humbling to read, but may be well worth it. good luck.

lesliej

a good friend told me this once...
"a mans heart is where his feet are at" a rough truism

"having a blast" is kind of a clue that your time with him was probably not really moving toward relationship...having a blast is just... having a blast. if you start to expect anything like a grounded reality love-based life in the midst of the blast it will just blow up in your face.

Carol Star

Sounds codependent- like you don't know healthy boundaries. I grew up in an alcoholic home and didn't learn them. Now I am beginning to see it through Alanon and reading the Codependents Anonymous book.

outtolunch

Another excellent book is Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives by Laura Schessinger. You can buy it for 1 cent plus S&H at Amazon. It's an oldie but goodie about relationships.

Vale

Nearing the end of a life well spent,and as father to a daughter & son....I have seen this game played out from youth to grave.

"Bad boys"...the ones who know how to manipulate female emotions so well---is a biological trait akin to the Venus fly trap.It exists because it WORKS.It has SO MUCH in common with drug addiction it is'nt funny.In fact,is IS drug addiction---but with a twist.....NATURAL hormones/endorphins/whatever......"chemistry".

Reality checks (as in fathers like me) can see easily through this screen of BULLCRAP that "the addicted" cannot.They know that REAL achievement/commitment/love....none of these can be faked---and that "bad boys" are true to their namesake---losers who mask their shameful failures & pasts by breaking girl's hearts.How could I be a loser?!?! look how many women WANT me!!!!

Daughter sings out in happiness..."I caught me an astronaut!!!"
Dad says..."What missions?,what educational background?,there's a bio w/picture of every man & woman who has gone into space.....I don't see yours".Google is a great ******** detector..use it!

Turning on the charm and breaking girls hearts is unfortunately NOT difficult at ALL.

In fact,it is so easy---that "bad boys" fresh from getting their asses kicked in
the varsity world of life choose this path as dependably as night following day.
As an old,caring Dad......don't fall for it.If you truly feel suicidal feelings--then seek out a professional immediately.
That fact that you did in fact seek out resources (SR) to attempt to understand and
cope with what you are feeling speaks HIGHLY of you.This alone tells me you are an intelligent woman
and not some mindless slave to biochemistry.

Bottom line? This ASS-tronaut does not deserve you.