My trip to see husband in rehab center
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
My trip to see husband in rehab center
Update on the weekend visit with my husband at his rehab center. Been a couple of days now and it helps me to think it through from start to finish. Any thoughts, anyone that knows about the drugs he’s been using, your comments would be especially welcome.
It was very emotional and showed me the severity of his addiction. Im afraid for the long road he has to walk in order to find peace and freedom again. He seems so weak in both mind and body I don’t know how he will do it. This is where I must trust the professionals. When I first arrived, I spent a good hour with two of his doctors. They took their time and explained physiologically what he is experiencing right now. He was taking a lot of different drugs and they all have varying affects on the body (opiates, benzodiazepines, cocaine) The doctors said that while my husband acknowledges a drug problem, he is still in denial as to the severity How it has affected his life, body, mind. I started to cry because how can he not see it? How can he look at our son, or even look in the mirror and not see what has happened to him? I asked how he gets to the point of acceptance and they said he has to be broken down physically, mentally and emotionally. I started crying again and the doctor calmed me down and said it is a common thing when beginning treatment. Acceptance is the first step and it’s the most important because when he finally does fully realize then he will make the decision with conviction and be open to change.
I also had time with the family therapist on both days. I had mentioned in my first post that I was going to tell her about the affair and the guilt I was living with. We talked and I cried a lot but it helped. She suggested I take a pregnancy test and get checked for stds . I didn’t know this but she says shortly after you have a baby you are very fertile and its possible to get pregnant again very quickly even if you are breastfeeding. Now I have to come out of my denial and go talk to my doctor. Im scared.
My husband looked better. He wrapped his arms around me and thanked me for coming and bringing our son. The doctors told me to keep conversation simple and to expect some irrational thought and moodiness due to the chemical changes with detox. I sensed this many times throughout the weekend. Anxiety and paranoia Didn’t trust the people there, at times didn’t trust me, went from telling me I made him go there so I could take his son away from him and prove he was a junkie. (I didn’t make him do anything and I never ever threatened to take his son away from him). Questioning in front of the doctor if our son was really his and asking for a paternity test. (My heart almost stopped thinking he somehow he knew about my later affair, but I was always faithful to him when we were together). Then later tears coming down begging me not to take his son away. (Ive never told him anything except I want him to get well and come home to me and our son. I don’t know how he flipped this around ?) Then telling me he loves me but feels out of control needs only a little Xanax to take the edge off ??? (They wont give him this and he knows it. He also knows I have no access to it. But he is still thinking about whatever feeling he gets from it and that scares me but I keep reminding myself it has not been long since he stopped). He also spaced out a few times and I don’t know where his mind was Almost like he was on pause. He was very upset because he wanted his laptop. It was the only thing he asked for that I didn’t bring. They have computers available for patients and when his brother went to where he had been living he came back saying anything of value the roommate declared as his and he wasn’t going to argue with a druggie with a gun. ( I posted about this separately as I finally got it back after the roommate brought it to the house). Believe it or not, he was so upset about the laptop it made him want to leave rehab! He calmed down but it was like flipping a switch of craziness for a moment.
Those were isolated incidences. Mostly he was calm and rational. We talked about simple things, good times, our son. He seemed almost afraid of him at times especially when he cried. That scares me a little but what am I expecting he has only had three days with him up until now and he has this anxiety. We spent time outside in the sunshine, I watched him attend a Tai Chi session, my husband successfully changed a diaper, and held my son in his arms while he slept, and at one point both my boys were asleep together. Im grateful we had this weekend together.
My worst fear is that he will leave treatment. I asked him to think about all the things he used to enjoy, and all the dreams he used to have. Reminded him of all that is waiting for him much opportunity but his health has to come before any of it. I tried to explain how I had researched this center and that I knew it was a safe place for him, and the doctors were only there to help him but it would take a while to heal and everything he was feeling right now was ok. In the end he told me he was scared but he knew he needed help and he would stay. I know he has to choose this for himself and want to stop using and change his life or this wont work. From what the doctors said I don’t know if he is there yet, but I pray he is close and will surrender to reality soon.
Thank you everyone for your good thoughts . Please keep my husband in your prayers and wishes. Im not proud to say it but after we got home (including an eternity at the airport) I cried and wailed louder than my son. After he was asleep I took a hot bubble bath and had one glass of wine. For those of you that read my self-pitying rant. Thank you. It is nice to know there are people who understand and are willing to share their experiences and compassion.
It was very emotional and showed me the severity of his addiction. Im afraid for the long road he has to walk in order to find peace and freedom again. He seems so weak in both mind and body I don’t know how he will do it. This is where I must trust the professionals. When I first arrived, I spent a good hour with two of his doctors. They took their time and explained physiologically what he is experiencing right now. He was taking a lot of different drugs and they all have varying affects on the body (opiates, benzodiazepines, cocaine) The doctors said that while my husband acknowledges a drug problem, he is still in denial as to the severity How it has affected his life, body, mind. I started to cry because how can he not see it? How can he look at our son, or even look in the mirror and not see what has happened to him? I asked how he gets to the point of acceptance and they said he has to be broken down physically, mentally and emotionally. I started crying again and the doctor calmed me down and said it is a common thing when beginning treatment. Acceptance is the first step and it’s the most important because when he finally does fully realize then he will make the decision with conviction and be open to change.
I also had time with the family therapist on both days. I had mentioned in my first post that I was going to tell her about the affair and the guilt I was living with. We talked and I cried a lot but it helped. She suggested I take a pregnancy test and get checked for stds . I didn’t know this but she says shortly after you have a baby you are very fertile and its possible to get pregnant again very quickly even if you are breastfeeding. Now I have to come out of my denial and go talk to my doctor. Im scared.
My husband looked better. He wrapped his arms around me and thanked me for coming and bringing our son. The doctors told me to keep conversation simple and to expect some irrational thought and moodiness due to the chemical changes with detox. I sensed this many times throughout the weekend. Anxiety and paranoia Didn’t trust the people there, at times didn’t trust me, went from telling me I made him go there so I could take his son away from him and prove he was a junkie. (I didn’t make him do anything and I never ever threatened to take his son away from him). Questioning in front of the doctor if our son was really his and asking for a paternity test. (My heart almost stopped thinking he somehow he knew about my later affair, but I was always faithful to him when we were together). Then later tears coming down begging me not to take his son away. (Ive never told him anything except I want him to get well and come home to me and our son. I don’t know how he flipped this around ?) Then telling me he loves me but feels out of control needs only a little Xanax to take the edge off ??? (They wont give him this and he knows it. He also knows I have no access to it. But he is still thinking about whatever feeling he gets from it and that scares me but I keep reminding myself it has not been long since he stopped). He also spaced out a few times and I don’t know where his mind was Almost like he was on pause. He was very upset because he wanted his laptop. It was the only thing he asked for that I didn’t bring. They have computers available for patients and when his brother went to where he had been living he came back saying anything of value the roommate declared as his and he wasn’t going to argue with a druggie with a gun. ( I posted about this separately as I finally got it back after the roommate brought it to the house). Believe it or not, he was so upset about the laptop it made him want to leave rehab! He calmed down but it was like flipping a switch of craziness for a moment.
Those were isolated incidences. Mostly he was calm and rational. We talked about simple things, good times, our son. He seemed almost afraid of him at times especially when he cried. That scares me a little but what am I expecting he has only had three days with him up until now and he has this anxiety. We spent time outside in the sunshine, I watched him attend a Tai Chi session, my husband successfully changed a diaper, and held my son in his arms while he slept, and at one point both my boys were asleep together. Im grateful we had this weekend together.
My worst fear is that he will leave treatment. I asked him to think about all the things he used to enjoy, and all the dreams he used to have. Reminded him of all that is waiting for him much opportunity but his health has to come before any of it. I tried to explain how I had researched this center and that I knew it was a safe place for him, and the doctors were only there to help him but it would take a while to heal and everything he was feeling right now was ok. In the end he told me he was scared but he knew he needed help and he would stay. I know he has to choose this for himself and want to stop using and change his life or this wont work. From what the doctors said I don’t know if he is there yet, but I pray he is close and will surrender to reality soon.
Thank you everyone for your good thoughts . Please keep my husband in your prayers and wishes. Im not proud to say it but after we got home (including an eternity at the airport) I cried and wailed louder than my son. After he was asleep I took a hot bubble bath and had one glass of wine. For those of you that read my self-pitying rant. Thank you. It is nice to know there are people who understand and are willing to share their experiences and compassion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
It would be because of the man I was seeing while I was apart from my husband. Fortunately, my husband has come back negative for STD's as they did full panel of bloodwork when he entered the rehab center. I deserve the Door # comment though. I take resposnisbility for this demoralizing and degrading situation.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
