My AH husband passed away.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Today was ok, but tonight has been hell already. I really miss my husband right now. The house is so lonely without him. I've been calling his sponsor and friends to try to not feel so lonely right now. It's not working.
Thank you all for your prayers and condolences. I really need the prayers right now.
Thank you all for your prayers and condolences. I really need the prayers right now.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by Loneywife 
Today was ok, but tonight has been hell already. I really miss my husband right now. The house is so lonely without him. I've been calling his sponsor and friends to try to not feel so lonely right now. It's not working.
Thank you all for your prayers and condolences. I really need the prayers right now.
Thank you all for your prayers and condolences. I really need the prayers right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Thank you all. I went to his gravesite today (and will be going tomorrow morning.). I've ha a lot of conversations with my husband since he's passed away. I'm fortunate that I've been open to it and I feel closer to him when I do talk.
I still can't quite get my head wrapped around everything yet.
I still can't quite get my head wrapped around everything yet.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
When my friend lost her husband, she found grief counseling to be a very helpful for step. He was young, had juvenile diabetes and was an alcoholic and addict.
She had made him move out 2 months before his death and his parents blamed her for his death (still do). He left her with 2 young children, no money, no car and they had just lost their house to foreclosure. Not one family member was willing to help her.
Today she is an RN at 48 yrs old and has found her path to recovery. She worked past her own guilt, her own pain and is truly an amazing person. Grief counseling was his first step. They helped guide her to other resources and a new goal to rebuild her life. Just sharing one woman's journey and growth after such a painful loss.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
She had made him move out 2 months before his death and his parents blamed her for his death (still do). He left her with 2 young children, no money, no car and they had just lost their house to foreclosure. Not one family member was willing to help her.
Today she is an RN at 48 yrs old and has found her path to recovery. She worked past her own guilt, her own pain and is truly an amazing person. Grief counseling was his first step. They helped guide her to other resources and a new goal to rebuild her life. Just sharing one woman's journey and growth after such a painful loss.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Thank you all. I went to my AH's home NA group yesterday and it was awful. I couldn't stop crying and hugging as I shared my terror of grief taking over my body and making me want to crawl into a hole. I was really not ready for it.
I had to go to see a friend of his, then go to his gravesite in order to lessen the cloud that settled over my head after that meeting.
I really don't know if I can attend my twice weekly naranon meetings without putting myself into a serious depression and not being able to relieve it. I don't mind calling my friends from there, but I think it would be too much to try to attend again.
I'm terrified to start going to a grief support group for fear that I'll have the same reaction as his NA meeting. I don't know when I'll be ready to listen to other's experiences and share my own without putting myself into a tailspin.
How do I know when I'm ready? I had the knowledge that I wanted to help myself and to help my husband. Now I have no idea.
I had to go to see a friend of his, then go to his gravesite in order to lessen the cloud that settled over my head after that meeting.
I really don't know if I can attend my twice weekly naranon meetings without putting myself into a serious depression and not being able to relieve it. I don't mind calling my friends from there, but I think it would be too much to try to attend again.
I'm terrified to start going to a grief support group for fear that I'll have the same reaction as his NA meeting. I don't know when I'll be ready to listen to other's experiences and share my own without putting myself into a tailspin.
How do I know when I'm ready? I had the knowledge that I wanted to help myself and to help my husband. Now I have no idea.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Oh, hon, you don't have to do anything right away. If you need some time to heal, then you have every right to take it. I think you will know when you are ready. Please don't feel like you have to rush yourself or meet some timetable you read or heard somewhere. We all process grief differently, so take your time. We are here whenever you feel you need to talk but not necessarily face-to-face. Take care of yourself. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Maybe so. I have found when I am frustrated, anxious, nervous or uneasy, it usually is a case of me doing it to myself. There are no rules in this thing. Everyone deals with it in their own way in their own time. Give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack. I really do believe you will know when you are ready to take another step. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by suki44883
Oh, hon, you don't have to do anything right away. If you need some time to heal, then you have every right to take it. I think you will know when you are ready. Please don't feel like you have to rush yourself or meet some timetable you read or heard somewhere. We all process grief differently, so take your time. We are here whenever you feel you need to talk but not necessarily face-to-face. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Try not to be so tough on yourself. Grief has no timeline. And it's strange to think that there are so many people putting one foot in front of the other as they process the death of a loved one. There are so many of the "walking wounded" that we come into contact with each day and don't know it.
One of the things I did while processing my grief was I looked for the brightest star in the sky at night.....and I told myself that it was my Dad up there.....because he would shine that bright for me. One night I slept outside on a blow up mattress just so I could be close to that star and see it as I fell asleep. It brought me comfort.
Grief takes time and no one can tell you what to do or how to handle it. I can never ever be grateful for losing my father, confidante, best friend and business partner in that violent crash but I am very grateful for the lessons my grief process taught me. But it took me a very long time to recognize and appreciate those lessons.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process your loss.
You are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
One of the things I did while processing my grief was I looked for the brightest star in the sky at night.....and I told myself that it was my Dad up there.....because he would shine that bright for me. One night I slept outside on a blow up mattress just so I could be close to that star and see it as I fell asleep. It brought me comfort.
Grief takes time and no one can tell you what to do or how to handle it. I can never ever be grateful for losing my father, confidante, best friend and business partner in that violent crash but I am very grateful for the lessons my grief process taught me. But it took me a very long time to recognize and appreciate those lessons.
Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to process your loss.
You are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
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