Atom

Hi...I am new here. I have an odd situation, I guess but not that it hurts any less. The love of my life, who is also the addict I am affected by is long distance. We have been together for 3 years and had planned a future together. I knew from the beginning he was an addict. Let, me add that the addiction is to marijuana. I guess in some ways, unknowingly, I was an enabler. He had me convinced at the beginning that it was for medical purposes only. He suffers from a disability that does put him in a lot of pain so I never thought anything about it. Anyways, the times we've been together in person he has never touched it. And, yes I know that's true because we were together 24/7. Over the last year things have gotten so bad. I was with him last month and he wasn't doing it again....BUT this time he was showing signs of withdrawal. Some people have said you don't have withdrawals from marijuana and I really don't know having never touched the stuff. Anyhow, he was grouchy and didn't feel good the whole time we were together and all we did was fight. He pushed me away completely. I came home and he ended things...in the relationship aspect. We are best friends and always will be. He got high once since I've been home and has now been clean and sober for 2 weeks. He told me yesterday that I was the reason he hit bottom. The way he treated me and the time we lost and can never get back was what made him realize how sick he is. That's so confusing to me being that reason....I don't know whether to feel good or bad or both about that. He asked me to go to an Alanon meeting. I'm not sure about that...I thought it was just for alcoholics. All I want, I guess is for someone to talk to that has been affected by an addict, also. I come from a very small town where drugs aren't all the prevalent. And also some advice on what I can do for him. I love him with all my heart even though I know he can't love me and my kids right now and I want him to see that I am not giving up on us just because of this...and I have told him that. Thanks for listening.

crazybabie

Atom, My AH drug of choice was marijuana for many years since he was 12 and he is now 47, IMO it sounds like he is using something else maybe some kind of pain pills. Alanon is for
family members or anyone who cares about someone ... I agree with him on that or better yet if you can find a Naranon of Family Annomymous. My spelling sucks sorry.

You would benefit a lot for attending any of those. However do not go thinking you can help him because you can NOT only he can help him.

The meetings are for you and trust me when I say if your planning on staying by his side your going to need those meetings. I have only been too two my third one is tonight.

I encourage you to find meetings and attend them.

Atom

Thanks for the reply crazy.....he's not using anything else. He has always had this weird aversion to pills and needles, which I thought was silly and now I am finding a blessing in disguise. He has been using marijuana since he was 12....he is turning 38 this year. I'm from a very small town and found, unfortunately that the NA meetings here are closed to the public and I haven't found any Alanon ones yet. Not giving up though! How were the meetings for you? Do you think they are helpful?

outtolunch

There is nothing you can say or do that will keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None if us are., If love were the cure, none of us would be here.

He's going to do what he's going to do. It's not a reflection on you. It's not personal. No way you can come between he and his drugs. Like Craziebaby, I suspect he may be doing more than pot. Think opiates-pain pills- a global epidemic, including small towns.

Alanon is for you. Sounds like a plan.

cc88

my brother hated the dr, squirmed through his whole tattoo, etc. "ill never touch a needle in my life." "pills scare me" etc. etc.

Hes been an IV drug user for a while now. Not saying your boyfriend is. Just saying if you aren't THERE you dont KNOW.

just sayin.

Atom

Thanks out and cc....there is always a possibility that he is doing them but I really do very highly doubt it. Probably worthless to ask him... Whatever he is doing, I know he needs to do it himself. Just hard to step back and NOT do anything. Man, this sucks. Of course, then again, I guess the distance DOES help in that aspect....there is only so much I can do. Still not giving up on him though. Still looking for Alanon....

incitingsilence

Withdrawal is subjective and individualized, based on time in and habit. Anyone addicted/dependent to any drug will go through some type of wd, it is inevitable.

Marijuana withdrawal is typically no appetite, irritability, depression, insomnia, anxiety, jittery basically it is the opposite of what using does for a person.

NA meetings are for addicts. Naranon meeting are listed as naranon, just like alanon. There is a locator online for both you should be able to find it fairly easily, there are also online meetings if you are interested and have no other option. And most importantly it is about your willingness to take care of you and find support for you. He is most capable of taking care of himself.

Atom

Thanks for the reply silence....those wd symptoms fit him EXACTLY! There are online meetings? That might be something I would be a little more comfortable with right now considering this is all new to me. Do you know where I can find them?

incitingsilence

I have no idea what is out there in terms of online meetings.

But you can check this link out about face to face naranon meetings, and maybe read the stickies on top of the families of alcoholics board to see if there are links to alanon face to face or online.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-nar-anon.html

Actually might want to check out the stickies at the top for you anyway.

Heartbroken0608

Here is an online meeting option: FA Meeting Without Walls | Families Anonymous

Atom

Stickies?

Atom

Thank you, heartbroken...I will check it out.

Atom

Nevermind...I see what stickies are

crazybabie

Atom, I just got back from my third meeting and yes I am finding them helpful, My husband also started at 12 and is now 47 I never thought he would take any pills he would not even take tylenol

We have been together almost 31 years , I found out he takes pain pills and xanax... I am not saying that is your case and it really doesn't matter a drug is a drug and that is what brought you here.

You will find a lot of knowledge here and support.

Atom

Thanks, Angie....I'm glad they help. I hope I can find some soon!

crazybabie

Atom, I am also going to do some of the online meetings they are different than F2F but having that option in between is good for me. Maybe you could use that as a starting point until you can find and then decide to attend a F2F meeting.

Atom

I am going to try them. I looked at the Alnon meetings around me and they are all closed. My options are diminishing. Thanks!

crazybabie

Atom, what exactly do you mean by closed? Unless I am wrong closed means for members only you qualify as a member...

Atom

It says that its not open to the public?

crazybabie

I could be wrong but my understanding is
A "Closed Discussion" meeting welcomes anyone – family or friend – who has been affected by someone else's drinking. Meetings offer a safe place where people can come and talk about dealing with the family disease of alcoholism.

An "Open Discussion" meeting allows attendance by those interested in learning about Al-Anon Family Groups (professionals, students, etc.). All present at an open meeting should be aware that the assurance of anonymity

Same with Nar-Anon, and Families Anonymous any of these 3 could be useful we do not have Nar-Anon in my town soo I attend Families Anonymous.