And all he wants is a little xanax
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
And all he wants is a little xanax
Most of my anger has faded away in regards to my husband, but little things like what happened tongith can bring it out. I hope its alright to vent here?
Me and my four month old coming home from seeing him in rehab center. Im emotionally drained. my son is tired. I tried my best to keep him quiet on the plane but he still cried and I got all the looks. bad mom looks.
Juggling him and his seat, my carryon, his giany baby bag. Took forever to get through the airport and the nmy ride was no where to be found. Juggline the phone on top of everything else to find they are at wrong terminal. wait wait.
Now son starts to cry and people are feeling sorry for me and calling me dear.Ride show up and wants all the details. baby falls asleep. So tired I dont even know what information I relayed to them.Finally home and helped inside. Kisses and hugs and apologies to me for my sad life. Baby needs feeding. baby needs changing. Throw laundry in washer. Dog needs come home from neighbor, dog needs food. Finally get baby to bed. Go put laundry in dryer. Forgot its making a noise and that sets me into tears. My husband could fix this. What do I do? Sitting in the laundry room floor crying with the dog. Finally get up to make a bubbly bath and pour myself a glass of wine which I feel guilty for because of baby.
And my husband wants just a little xanax to feel better. And his laptop.
Me and my four month old coming home from seeing him in rehab center. Im emotionally drained. my son is tired. I tried my best to keep him quiet on the plane but he still cried and I got all the looks. bad mom looks.
Juggling him and his seat, my carryon, his giany baby bag. Took forever to get through the airport and the nmy ride was no where to be found. Juggline the phone on top of everything else to find they are at wrong terminal. wait wait.
Now son starts to cry and people are feeling sorry for me and calling me dear.Ride show up and wants all the details. baby falls asleep. So tired I dont even know what information I relayed to them.Finally home and helped inside. Kisses and hugs and apologies to me for my sad life. Baby needs feeding. baby needs changing. Throw laundry in washer. Dog needs come home from neighbor, dog needs food. Finally get baby to bed. Go put laundry in dryer. Forgot its making a noise and that sets me into tears. My husband could fix this. What do I do? Sitting in the laundry room floor crying with the dog. Finally get up to make a bubbly bath and pour myself a glass of wine which I feel guilty for because of baby.
And my husband wants just a little xanax to feel better. And his laptop.
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Hi allforcnm,
Your hubby probably shouldn't be able to get the drugs or the laptop. It really sounds like a very emotional & stressful day. I would suggest that you & the baby need to just get some rest. Then maybe you'll be able to feel stronger in the morning. ******{HUGS}}}}
Your hubby probably shouldn't be able to get the drugs or the laptop. It really sounds like a very emotional & stressful day. I would suggest that you & the baby need to just get some rest. Then maybe you'll be able to feel stronger in the morning. ******{HUGS}}}}
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
What is up allforcnm?
Of course it is alright to vent here.
sounds like your trip sucked, but it is very hard to travel with infants.
I know people mean well, but when someone calls me dear, i get annoyed.
I feel like it is too familiar.
Are you breast feeding? And that is why you feel guilty?
I think it is okay to have a glass, especially if you are having trouble relaxing.
It will be better in the morning allfor.
I jumped in your vent thread, and I am trying to be supportive.
Take it easy on yourself allfor.
You have enough to make you feel shaky and out of sorts.
You have an infant, and your hormones are taking you for a ride too.
Your husband is in rehab, and was gone a long time, many adjustments have to be made there. But not today. Do only what you can. The dryer makes a noise, I used to have one that made a horrific squeal every once in a while, like a squirrel was caught in there or something. I asked my neighbor to look at it for me, and he fixed it.
When I had my newborns, I was exhausted all the time, but I also have a major depressive disorder (didnt know that until later).
Is there a well baby check coming up? 6 months? Maybe you could tell the OB about the stress you are under, and if he has any suggestions or referrals for you.
I hope you find a support group to help you.
He wants a xanax and his laptop? can he have those things at his rehab?
Sounds like a couple more ways to check out of life, I do it myself, (the computer, not xanax).
I will be thinking of you allforcnm (is that your son's initials?) and the baby.
Hope some of this rambling helps you in any small way. I think I am tired enough to sleep, if not there are plenty of books to read.
Good Night and rest peacefully,
Beth
Of course it is alright to vent here.
sounds like your trip sucked, but it is very hard to travel with infants.
I know people mean well, but when someone calls me dear, i get annoyed.
I feel like it is too familiar.
Are you breast feeding? And that is why you feel guilty?
I think it is okay to have a glass, especially if you are having trouble relaxing.
It will be better in the morning allfor.
I jumped in your vent thread, and I am trying to be supportive.
Take it easy on yourself allfor.
You have enough to make you feel shaky and out of sorts.
You have an infant, and your hormones are taking you for a ride too.
Your husband is in rehab, and was gone a long time, many adjustments have to be made there. But not today. Do only what you can. The dryer makes a noise, I used to have one that made a horrific squeal every once in a while, like a squirrel was caught in there or something. I asked my neighbor to look at it for me, and he fixed it.
When I had my newborns, I was exhausted all the time, but I also have a major depressive disorder (didnt know that until later).
Is there a well baby check coming up? 6 months? Maybe you could tell the OB about the stress you are under, and if he has any suggestions or referrals for you.
I hope you find a support group to help you.
He wants a xanax and his laptop? can he have those things at his rehab?
Sounds like a couple more ways to check out of life, I do it myself, (the computer, not xanax).
I will be thinking of you allforcnm (is that your son's initials?) and the baby.
Hope some of this rambling helps you in any small way. I think I am tired enough to sleep, if not there are plenty of books to read.
Good Night and rest peacefully,
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Thank you Nina and Wicked.
I am feeling better. Sorry for the mini breakdown.
I dont drink very much and have avoided it because of the baby. I pumped milk just before I had some tonight in case I needed it right away, otherwise they say it leaves your system fairly quickly. Makes me feel guilty still.
Those are our three initials in my username.
I do have to take my son in for a checkup soon. He is almost 5 months old. I cant believe he is that old already. Soon he wont even be a baby anymore.
I know it is silly to break down in tears over the dryer making noise. My husband knows all about those things he has an engineering background and can fix almost anything. I guess it reminded me of him.
I dont think I am angry more tired because I havent slept much in days with the baby and all. Too tired to even sleep type of things. I am going to go to my parents tomorrow and I think my mom will be glad to help out while I get some rest. No my husband cannot have xanex. He was using opiates, benzo -somthings which was xanex and cocaine. The xanex withdrawl is still affecting him and he is anxious that is why he wants some. he only mentioned it once I shouldnt have made a comment about it. I know he is very uncomfortable right now. And yes he can have a laptop. I was supposed to take his this weekend. His brother went to where he has been staying since he got back in town and came back saying anything of value was gone. no laptop. I need to buy him one but I dont know how to pick one out he always did that type of thing too.
I just looked at how vivid the colors were and and he knew all about the memory and the processors and whatever. sad. I will add this to my long list of things to learn along with home repair.
I am feeling better. Sorry for the mini breakdown.
I dont drink very much and have avoided it because of the baby. I pumped milk just before I had some tonight in case I needed it right away, otherwise they say it leaves your system fairly quickly. Makes me feel guilty still.
Those are our three initials in my username.
I do have to take my son in for a checkup soon. He is almost 5 months old. I cant believe he is that old already. Soon he wont even be a baby anymore.
I know it is silly to break down in tears over the dryer making noise. My husband knows all about those things he has an engineering background and can fix almost anything. I guess it reminded me of him.
I dont think I am angry more tired because I havent slept much in days with the baby and all. Too tired to even sleep type of things. I am going to go to my parents tomorrow and I think my mom will be glad to help out while I get some rest. No my husband cannot have xanex. He was using opiates, benzo -somthings which was xanex and cocaine. The xanex withdrawl is still affecting him and he is anxious that is why he wants some. he only mentioned it once I shouldnt have made a comment about it. I know he is very uncomfortable right now. And yes he can have a laptop. I was supposed to take his this weekend. His brother went to where he has been staying since he got back in town and came back saying anything of value was gone. no laptop. I need to buy him one but I dont know how to pick one out he always did that type of thing too.
I just looked at how vivid the colors were and and he knew all about the memory and the processors and whatever. sad. I will add this to my long list of things to learn along with home repair.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Sorry for the breakdown? I think that would happen to mostly anyone.
You should also get counselling, maybe bring the baby.
Next time have 2 glasses.
Come here anytime you need to chat. I've just joined and the people are really great. Been through it all.
You should also get counselling, maybe bring the baby.
Next time have 2 glasses.
Come here anytime you need to chat. I've just joined and the people are really great. Been through it all.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I am glad you found us so you have a SAFE PLACE to vent.
Of course, you are OVER TIRED. You are under great stress and travelling
with an infant is also very draining.
As to 'buying him a laptop' .......................... NOPE NOPE NOPE. His
consequences of his actions. He is an adult. His laptop was stolen because
he left it in an unsafe place. His responsibility to find a way to buy him-
self a new one.
I am glad you are going to your mom's. That will also help to give you
a bit of a breather.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we care so
very much.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Of course, you are OVER TIRED. You are under great stress and travelling
with an infant is also very draining.
As to 'buying him a laptop' .......................... NOPE NOPE NOPE. His
consequences of his actions. He is an adult. His laptop was stolen because
he left it in an unsafe place. His responsibility to find a way to buy him-
self a new one.
I am glad you are going to your mom's. That will also help to give you
a bit of a breather.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we care so
very much.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Just wanted to send you some strength and support.
My children are older, ages 9 and 12, but I can still remember how difficult it was to travel with them. I always wanted to stick my tongue out at people that would give me looks. Either they never had children, never helped with their own children, or have short memories :-)
I grew up with an alcoholic and did a lot of my therapy work after my daughter was born. I actually have fond memories of her playing on the floor while I worked with my therapist.
Having children was a turning point in my life. It made me take a closer look at myself and think about the things that I wanted to change. I was determined to get healthier for my children. I wanted to make sure that they had a better childhood than I had.
Keep coming back.
db
My children are older, ages 9 and 12, but I can still remember how difficult it was to travel with them. I always wanted to stick my tongue out at people that would give me looks. Either they never had children, never helped with their own children, or have short memories :-)
I grew up with an alcoholic and did a lot of my therapy work after my daughter was born. I actually have fond memories of her playing on the floor while I worked with my therapist.
Having children was a turning point in my life. It made me take a closer look at myself and think about the things that I wanted to change. I was determined to get healthier for my children. I wanted to make sure that they had a better childhood than I had.
Keep coming back.
db
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Back when, my daughter was in three back to back rehabs, including that world class place in Minnesota. None of them allowed their guests to access the internet. It was viewed as being a distraction to initial recovery and frankly the gateway to staying stuck and/or other addictions.
If this rehab allows lap tops, why can't he order one from Amazon? Why is it your responsibility to purchase and ship the thing? Don't you have more than enough on your plate right now than to make time to do optional shopping for him?
Air travel with an infant , under the best of circumstances, is a high stress situation and challenging to manage for one adult. I cannot imagine doing so for less than a life/death situation.
I sense that so much remains all about him, the man who abandoned you and lived his life as he chose to do. Rehab does not cure addiction. Best case, it can teach a highly motivated addicted person some of the tools of recovery. It's up to the addicted person to use those tools, or not. Asking you for a lap top and xanax shows you where his head is at, right now. It seems to be all about him, all the time. That his choice. He's showiing yolu who he is. Believe him.
If this rehab allows lap tops, why can't he order one from Amazon? Why is it your responsibility to purchase and ship the thing? Don't you have more than enough on your plate right now than to make time to do optional shopping for him?
Air travel with an infant , under the best of circumstances, is a high stress situation and challenging to manage for one adult. I cannot imagine doing so for less than a life/death situation.
I sense that so much remains all about him, the man who abandoned you and lived his life as he chose to do. Rehab does not cure addiction. Best case, it can teach a highly motivated addicted person some of the tools of recovery. It's up to the addicted person to use those tools, or not. Asking you for a lap top and xanax shows you where his head is at, right now. It seems to be all about him, all the time. That his choice. He's showiing yolu who he is. Believe him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Anvilhead – Your post made me smile. I always do try to put my son first. I haven’t had my husband around for a long time now and Im doing alright on my own (with help from family and friends). In fairness, he didn’t ask me to buy him a new laptop. He wanted his own because of the things he had on it. His brother went to get some of his things including the laptop from the place he had been staying since he came back to into town. But the roommate declared anything of value to be his, and my brother in law said he was high, threatened him, and he saw a gun laying in one of the bedrooms. He got out as fast as he could. Told him that my husband was in rehab and that he would not be coming back and keep whatever was left behind. It was my idea to get him a new one.
Outtoluch – yours is a good idea. He could have gone online and picked out what he wanted and had it shipped. BUT He called me this afternoon and said he had spoke to his “friend” and he would be bringing the laptop and a couple other things over to the house tonight. Im not very happy about this because of what my brother in law said. I told my husband I didn’t want him at the house but he assured me this guy was ok and told me not to be dramatic. He already gave him the address and told me what time he would be here. I left my son at my parents and Im waiting for him now. Im a little scared and I wish he would have just let him keep it and bought a new one. But I guess Im being overly dramatic I mean its fine his weapon holding drug addict friend now knows where his wife and child live, and its good he knows we are here all by ourselves, and its wonderful that he can come to the door and look inside and see that we have things he could steal for drug money. How silly of me to be concerned.
Outtoluch – yours is a good idea. He could have gone online and picked out what he wanted and had it shipped. BUT He called me this afternoon and said he had spoke to his “friend” and he would be bringing the laptop and a couple other things over to the house tonight. Im not very happy about this because of what my brother in law said. I told my husband I didn’t want him at the house but he assured me this guy was ok and told me not to be dramatic. He already gave him the address and told me what time he would be here. I left my son at my parents and Im waiting for him now. Im a little scared and I wish he would have just let him keep it and bought a new one. But I guess Im being overly dramatic I mean its fine his weapon holding drug addict friend now knows where his wife and child live, and its good he knows we are here all by ourselves, and its wonderful that he can come to the door and look inside and see that we have things he could steal for drug money. How silly of me to be concerned.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Your husband expects you to open the door to an addicted, gun toting stranger because he wants his lap top. Do I have this right?
This is insanity. What kind of man would expose his wife and infant to something like this?
You have a choice to not respond when/if this guy makes a home delivery. Why would you consider answering the door?
Your husband continues to show you who he is and it does not sound like the hopeful fantasy of the man you married.
Some time ago, someone posted something along the lines of " if you cannot say no, then you have no business being in any relationship". Think about it.
This is insanity. What kind of man would expose his wife and infant to something like this?
You have a choice to not respond when/if this guy makes a home delivery. Why would you consider answering the door?
Your husband continues to show you who he is and it does not sound like the hopeful fantasy of the man you married.
Some time ago, someone posted something along the lines of " if you cannot say no, then you have no business being in any relationship". Think about it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
IF someone comes to your door, saying he has your husband's laptop, tell him (through a locked door, phone in your hand to call 911) to leave it at the door.
I'm an RA, as well as a recovering codie. I lost my first laptop to my addiction (I didn't sell it, I just didn't put the darned thing under my pillow when I fell asleep after being awake for days), and was further ripped off for money by being stupid and believing someone could get my laptop back for me.
Lesson learned - I LOVED my laptop, I lost it due to consequences of my addiction. The next laptop I got? I paid for it, working a legit job waiting tables (after losing my nursing career to addiction).
His laptop? His problem. Seriously, do NOT think you are overreacting, that you have any obligation to deal with some stranger that shows up at your door. Losing my laptop was just one of the consequences I went through to get sick of them and find recovery. Had someone shielded me from the consequences, I seriously doubt I'd have over 5 years in recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm an RA, as well as a recovering codie. I lost my first laptop to my addiction (I didn't sell it, I just didn't put the darned thing under my pillow when I fell asleep after being awake for days), and was further ripped off for money by being stupid and believing someone could get my laptop back for me.
Lesson learned - I LOVED my laptop, I lost it due to consequences of my addiction. The next laptop I got? I paid for it, working a legit job waiting tables (after losing my nursing career to addiction).
His laptop? His problem. Seriously, do NOT think you are overreacting, that you have any obligation to deal with some stranger that shows up at your door. Losing my laptop was just one of the consequences I went through to get sick of them and find recovery. Had someone shielded me from the consequences, I seriously doubt I'd have over 5 years in recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
Has it crossed your mind that it's Monday and after a short weekend visit to rehab to see him....he is now intertwining you into his life and his bs about his laptop and other belongings?
He needs to be left to deal with his recovery and you MORE than have your hands full with that precious baby of yours.
Tell him to deal with his own "stuff" and leave you out of it. Maybe when he has a year of solid clean/sober recovery under his belt....maybe, but only maybe then....could you consider any further contact with him.
Just sayin'
He needs to be left to deal with his recovery and you MORE than have your hands full with that precious baby of yours.
Tell him to deal with his own "stuff" and leave you out of it. Maybe when he has a year of solid clean/sober recovery under his belt....maybe, but only maybe then....could you consider any further contact with him.
Just sayin'
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
I'd be scared to... I do not think it is a good idea for you to be waiting at home by yourself for some possibly dangerous person to deliver a laptop to your home. I'm glad you removed your son from this potentially dangerous situation but it makes me sad that you are in this situation.
I'm not passing judgement. I, too, have put myself in dangerous situations for my son. On numerous occasions I have not listened to my gut and have done things I know I shouldn't have done. Now that I know better I do better.
You are not being dramatic at all. I think you know this. Any sane woman would be nervous if they were in your situation right now. Honestly, I think this shows that your husband is not thinking clearly right now and is not putting you and your sons best interests first...he's more worried about getting what he wants (his laptop) than he is about the safety of his family. That is not a good sign.
Please keep yourself safe. And if there is anyone you can call to come sit with you please do so. Listen to and trust your gut. I'd rather be wrong, be accused of being dramatic or of overreacting than to be subject to a dangerous individual. You should not have to deal with this stuff...
((hugs))
I'm not passing judgement. I, too, have put myself in dangerous situations for my son. On numerous occasions I have not listened to my gut and have done things I know I shouldn't have done. Now that I know better I do better.
You are not being dramatic at all. I think you know this. Any sane woman would be nervous if they were in your situation right now. Honestly, I think this shows that your husband is not thinking clearly right now and is not putting you and your sons best interests first...he's more worried about getting what he wants (his laptop) than he is about the safety of his family. That is not a good sign.
Please keep yourself safe. And if there is anyone you can call to come sit with you please do so. Listen to and trust your gut. I'd rather be wrong, be accused of being dramatic or of overreacting than to be subject to a dangerous individual. You should not have to deal with this stuff...
((hugs))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Thank you for the advice everyone. I decided to be out in the yard when the “friend” was set to arrive. I had some flower pots that I had been meaning to move around, and weeds to pull.
He arrived during the designated time and he had a nice car, was well dressed and I realized he had come by from work. He had an id badge clipped on his belt and it was the same company that my husband worked for. He was polite. He asked about my husband and said he was glad he was getting cleaned up. He heard that we had a baby and congratulated me. Made small talk ! Said that he thought we had met once before several years ago at a company function. He handed me a box with the laptop and a few other things.
Then asked if I needed help moving the large flower pots and he walked right over and asked where I wanted them. So I told him and he moved them. Nothing like the person I expected. This may have been stupid, but I kept thinking maybe this man was my husbands dealer and I asked him and said if he was would he please not try to pull him back in, and if not, would he please put the word out that he was cleaning up. He didn’t answer me about being a dealer, but he said if my husband didn’t go looking he could assure me it wouldn’t come to find him. Then he left. Not what I expected.
He arrived during the designated time and he had a nice car, was well dressed and I realized he had come by from work. He had an id badge clipped on his belt and it was the same company that my husband worked for. He was polite. He asked about my husband and said he was glad he was getting cleaned up. He heard that we had a baby and congratulated me. Made small talk ! Said that he thought we had met once before several years ago at a company function. He handed me a box with the laptop and a few other things.
Then asked if I needed help moving the large flower pots and he walked right over and asked where I wanted them. So I told him and he moved them. Nothing like the person I expected. This may have been stupid, but I kept thinking maybe this man was my husbands dealer and I asked him and said if he was would he please not try to pull him back in, and if not, would he please put the word out that he was cleaning up. He didn’t answer me about being a dealer, but he said if my husband didn’t go looking he could assure me it wouldn’t come to find him. Then he left. Not what I expected.
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