Confession of an addict
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OH
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
To all the young women here on SR who are living the fantasy that the addict in their life would never do this to them......I could never imagine that my son could do this.......never. Protect yourselves. Press charges if he hints at violence. Make him face the consequences of his actions.....or it will happen again.....and again. Trust your gut. If you are even slightly afraid, there is a useful purpose to that fear. Take care of you.
My heart hurts for you. I can't imagine dealing with addiction in one of my children-- though with our family history, the odds are high that one day we'll be at that point.
I see my mom going through the same things all of the mothers on here post about, and I know that my experience with AH doesn't compare to seeing your child go through this.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by CanfixONLYme
Big hugs Kindeyes
Your insight never fails to amaze me and I am inspired every time I read your postings!
Your insight never fails to amaze me and I am inspired every time I read your postings!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's funny. I see nothing particularly inspiring about my post. It is an admission of my own failing and lapse into CodieVille. lol
My therapist suggested that I remove my son from my facebook account where he is listed under family as my son. I told her that I couldn't do that. It was just too much for me to do. He is my son. And it just hurts my heart too much to remove him. BUT as a compromise, I set it up so that his posts do not hit my page. This is so that I won't be surprised by his posts popping up on my page unexpectedly and I actually have to purposefully go to his page to see his posts.
Do you see the codependency in this?
I guess it provides me some level of control of the timing of seeing anything he might have to say.....but that doesn't make it any less codependent.
I'm doing well this morning.
But to admit to my continuing codependent activities.......I was very busy at work yesterday so I didn't have the time to think or worry about what was going on. The police never showed up.
(Here comes the admission).
I checked his facebook account again and was amazed at the outpouring of support and encouragement he was receiving from his friends. No one condoning what he did but many asking him to please get help....that they miss the old him. It was almost a facebook intervention of sorts. Many of his friends are in recovery and asked him to call them or get to a meeting. I went one step further into Codieville and posted as well. Simply telling him that his family loves him and that we will support him in recovery if/when he chooses that path.
There were a couple of posts suggesting that he didn't write the post.....that someone hacked his account and wrote it. Who knows. Perhaps those two women who questioned the post are codependent.
Time will reveal more.
Thank you again to each of you who took the time to read this and send your warm and loving hugs. It is more appreciated than you could possibly know.
gentle hugs
ke
My therapist suggested that I remove my son from my facebook account where he is listed under family as my son. I told her that I couldn't do that. It was just too much for me to do. He is my son. And it just hurts my heart too much to remove him. BUT as a compromise, I set it up so that his posts do not hit my page. This is so that I won't be surprised by his posts popping up on my page unexpectedly and I actually have to purposefully go to his page to see his posts.
Do you see the codependency in this?
I guess it provides me some level of control of the timing of seeing anything he might have to say.....but that doesn't make it any less codependent.
I'm doing well this morning.
But to admit to my continuing codependent activities.......I was very busy at work yesterday so I didn't have the time to think or worry about what was going on. The police never showed up.
(Here comes the admission).
I checked his facebook account again and was amazed at the outpouring of support and encouragement he was receiving from his friends. No one condoning what he did but many asking him to please get help....that they miss the old him. It was almost a facebook intervention of sorts. Many of his friends are in recovery and asked him to call them or get to a meeting. I went one step further into Codieville and posted as well. Simply telling him that his family loves him and that we will support him in recovery if/when he chooses that path.
There were a couple of posts suggesting that he didn't write the post.....that someone hacked his account and wrote it. Who knows. Perhaps those two women who questioned the post are codependent.
Time will reveal more.
Thank you again to each of you who took the time to read this and send your warm and loving hugs. It is more appreciated than you could possibly know.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
((Kindeyes)) I understand how you feel about not removing him from your Facebook account. Seems to me that limiting seeing posts until you choose to deal with them is a reasonable approach. I don't know but having the ability to know that our children are still there can be a comfort. Now....if you were jumping in, posting and trying to solve his problems for him that would be Codie behavior. You seem to be managing your responses in a very healthy way to me!
Your admission of posting too seems fine in my book - you are encouraging him to help himself. That too is a positive. I am rather new at this with my son but have given myself permission to support any active recovery he is involved in. By that I mean I listen (actively) to his talk about recovery but I tangibly only support demonstrated action. And....I remind him of my position periodically so that he is clear about my approach.
Just don't get obsessive now about checking in......I know I would have difficulties with that one myself! My son removed himself from Facebook ....must be one of very few of his generation that doesn't like it......he prefers his interactions with people to be in person and got tired of all the "drama" associated with random postings. At any rate removes one aspect of supporting my codie behavior so I am thankful!
I hope the mini intervention from his friends helps though....you never know what that one thing will be that helps them move into a more positive space.
Keeping you and your son in my thoughts......and hugs to you today!
Your admission of posting too seems fine in my book - you are encouraging him to help himself. That too is a positive. I am rather new at this with my son but have given myself permission to support any active recovery he is involved in. By that I mean I listen (actively) to his talk about recovery but I tangibly only support demonstrated action. And....I remind him of my position periodically so that he is clear about my approach.
Just don't get obsessive now about checking in......I know I would have difficulties with that one myself! My son removed himself from Facebook ....must be one of very few of his generation that doesn't like it......he prefers his interactions with people to be in person and got tired of all the "drama" associated with random postings. At any rate removes one aspect of supporting my codie behavior so I am thankful!
I hope the mini intervention from his friends helps though....you never know what that one thing will be that helps them move into a more positive space.
Keeping you and your son in my thoughts......and hugs to you today!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
It's funny. I see nothing particularly inspiring about my post. It is an admission of my own failing and lapse into CodieVille. lol
The other thing that was inspiring, is that you didn't whine about it. I don't know if that's ever been an issue for you, but it was the hardest habit for me to break.
There has always been a certain gracefulness in your posts, and it's very inspiring to me
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by Chino
The admission inspires others to own their stuff, too. We (humans) mimic and take our social cues from each other. If we don't know see others owning their stuff, we may not ever learn how healthy and balanced it is.
The other thing that was inspiring, is that you didn't whine about it. I don't know if that's ever been an issue for you, but it was the hardest habit for me to break.
There has always been a certain gracefulness in your posts, and it's very inspiring to me
The other thing that was inspiring, is that you didn't whine about it. I don't know if that's ever been an issue for you, but it was the hardest habit for me to break.
There has always been a certain gracefulness in your posts, and it's very inspiring to me
hugs to you!
ke
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