Ilovemysonjj

Hello SR family, Many of you know my saga with my AS. Up until a few weeks ago, he was doing very well. Working, living in SLE, etc. Well, we saw him on Mothers day and he came to the house. He looked horrible. Gaunt, pale and thin. I was very concerned. I saw new track marks on his hands , he was wearing long sleeves, sweating and had diarreah. And I held my tongue. We had a great day at the resort, then when he came back to the house, he spent a long time in the bathroom. The next day, my daughter let me know her 22 karat gold necklace spelling her name was gone. I immediately knew. He was on H again. I called him and told him I would go to no lengths if I had to protect my family. He quacked and quacked. I was ready to make the police report tonight based on the flavor of the conversation we were having in text. I woke up this AM, and I really felt like I should work from home today and make sure all was protected. I IGNORED this and went to work.
I got a call on my way home from the gym. Our family safe was vandalized, $4000.00 cash gone and my only few gold items left were taken.
I am devastated but resigned that I will no longer see or hear or know my son. He is completely possessed by Heroin. He only cares about that or maybe now Meth. He posted on Facebook, "Going to Arizona to start my new life." The police came and took fingerprints, photos and statements. There is no hope that I will see him again. I believe he will OD. If not, this is second felony which will be burglary which in CA holds a 6 year sentence. Right now, I am not remorseful, I am only hopeless and resigned. I see no hope for us. He stole again...... and again... and again... We were foolish to not get an electronic safety system for our home. He was able to break in with a credit card through the garage door. To all of you in HOPE of your loved ones. Take precautions. Get a safety deposit box and NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. Heroin is a demon. It stole my sons soul. He is gone for me now.
I love you all and only hope for the best for all of your loved ones. Mine is gone and I believe he will OD before I ever see him again.
Sadly.
TT

Impurrfect

awww, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I am, however, really glad that you called the cops.

I understand the "I'm done" feeling. I'm both an RA and have loved ones who are A's, and my family was DONE with me, the last few times I was locked up, and I'm grateful for that.

I'm sitting here, seeing my stepmom all f'd up and it's just another reason I choose to stay on recovery road. I understand addiction, inside and out, but I am angry. I've told her that when she gets caught doctor-shopping, I will NOT visit her in jail.

I truly pray your son doesn't OD, that the law gets him and he gets time. It doesn't work for everyone, but it did help me.

I don't know about you, but anger kept me strong, then other feelings came in and I was on a rollercoaster ride. I much preferred anger than hurt, worry, etc. Just know that whatever you are feeling? We are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Amy,
Anger is temporary. This is my own blood. The pain will set in. I only pray I never ever again minimalize the actions.
Thank you so much for your words. I know you made it to the other side. Maybe some day he will too. I am praying for release from the hell of motherhood right now.
Love
TT

vinyl

Man, this made me so sad. I'm real sorry about this and wish you and your family the best. I was on the H road in my early 20's, hooked for about a year. For me quitting was actually pretty easy. Unfortunately I just turned it in for booze and now 15 years later finally recovering from the bottle. Anyway, my Mother booted me out several times and the pain I saw in her eyes was unbearable.

I hope you know your son does love you and it's the heroin doing all this nonsense. I remember stealing from my Mom and crying the entire time I was doing it. I just didn't have a choice. H was the WORST addiction ever. That was the most insane year of my life and even though I spent many years after it as a drunk, I was just glad I kicked H. It really does steal your soul and ruin everyone in its path. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you have fonder memories of your son before he was taken over by H.

Take care and stay strong. You're doing the right thing.

EnglishGarden

I'm sorry he's so lost. So very sorry for your deep hurt and loss. My heart goes out to you. May love surround you. May he find his way back to himself one day.

Chino

You and your family are in my prayers. I pray your heart is healed and your son is healed, too. I hate this disease

Heartbroken0608

I am so sorry. I will be keeping you and your son in my prayers.

((hugs))

Ann

Addiction stole my son too, I haven't heard from him in 8 years and know that if he is alive, he is lost in his addiction somewhere.

What helps me is to say a prayer every morning, asking God to relieve me of the fear and to take care of my son...and then I live the rest of my day in faith that God's taking care of things.

Today I live well, I spend a lot of time in nature, taking photos and just listening to the peace and feeling the breeze and smelling the fresh air. Yes, I have some bad days, Mother's Day was one of them, but I get through them and keep praying and I am grateful for the good place my life is in today.

I will add your son to my prayers, and you too. It hurts a mama's heart to lose a child to addiction, but I believe that God can do for us, and them, what we cannot do for ourselves.

Hugs

sevenofnine

I recently had a large amount of money stolen too. It had to be the last straw, because that much money just can't be ignored. I almost wonder if that wasn't on purpose, that he knew if if he took so much that it would end things. Anyway, I'm almost glad now he did- I had been minimalizing his problem too, and I think I needed the wake up call. Now I can clearly see things are beyond reasonable, and I feel more justified in kicking him out. So in a way it was good, because it helped me to see how truly addicted he is- if it had only been a hundred bucks, I might have let it go and let him (and his addiction drama) back in my house.
10 years ago he had done this before and I said I would forgive it then, but never again, so I feel completely justified if we divorce, not like I "could/should have done more". I hope its the same for you, that you can see that no amount of mothering was going to help someone so far gone. Its not your fault- those are the actions of a major addict, and we are powerless to affect someone in that situation.
I'm such a newb at all this, so I feel a little hypocritical giving advice, but I would like to to reclaim your hope. Not for your son and his health/life (we are powerless here, so its a bad idea to pin our hopes to something we can't control) but that you find hope for yourself.
You WILL have good days again, if you let yourself, so please, please don't beat yourself up about the past--if you have any regrets, channel them instead into positive changes in yourself.
Your son no longer deserves or is helped by your loving mothering. Maybe there is someone else you know who actually could benefit from your tenderness and attention, so aim your efforts there. Being a positive force in someones life (who will actually benefit) might help to restore your self esteem as a mother. Maybe even think about it this way- be your own mother. Think of how you would want to nurture a child who came to you with your story, and allow yourself to give yourself that nurturing.

Kindeyes

I'm so sorry. I can relate to what you are saying. Our sons have become people we don't know. And it hurts.

It's so important that we don't lose ourselves.

With much love and gentle hugs
ke

Justfor1

Your sons judgement is really screwed up right now from the drugs. You have already pressed charges against him once before so he should have known that you would do it again if he stole. If he ever gets clean he will feel horrible for what he did. Sadly, because of the heroin/meth he feels nothing.

chicory

I am so sorry for your heartache, TT.
I hope that he gets caught, and ends up in jail , and lives to kick this horrid addiction.
Prayers for you, your son, and your family.
my heart hurts for you.
hugs
chicory

EJG123

At least you aren't alone. So many of us have lost the person we loved to drug addiction.

I know that my relationship with my AD will never be as open as it was because of trust violations but we do have a relationship based on mutual acceptance. She is not allowed in my home but we do talk a few times a month and it is fine. Her choices still make me sad but they are her choices and she lives the consequences without complaint.

I can understand that you feel there is no hope for your son but the truth is that there is always a chance he will recover. My son always says that his sister will never recover but I just don't know. She asked to go to detox and rehab recently and I gave her the phone numbers to call. Maybe she will call and maybe she won't but she must be thinking about it.

I will pray that your heart heals and that your son finds recovery.

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you everyone for posting words of support. I find this site to be the one thing I hold onto when all else is whirling around in my head. I am still traumatized and since we cannot get our locks changed until this weekend, i am really paranoid about leaving. However, unless the idiot gets a car and robs us in broad daylight, he would be hoisting only heavier items now. We had to close all of our bank accounts, credit cards et al since many of those numbers were in the safe. my two other teenagers are affected. My 17 year old son internalizes everything. My 15 year old daughter is soft like me. I am going to set up some counseling for her and hopefully the 17year old will go. My husband is hardened and wants to take down all of the pictures of our son. I agree with seven of nine, I think he took everything in such a bold and hurtful manner so we would end the relationship. Though it is ridiculous as now he is going to go to prison and have two felonies on his record. That is 2 strikes. When he stole from us in 2011 it was the same thing. He ended up in 5150 as he tried to kill himself with morphine. I will continue to be part of this site though now my loved one is gone. the thing in his body is not my son.

outtolunch

The reason addicts steal from and manipulate the people who care for them is because we are substantially less likely to call the Police and press changes. We rationalize this by telling ourselves we don't want to ruin their lives.

Reality is they are ruining their own lives. Without consequences there is no reason for an addicted person to consider alternatives.

YouWillBe

I'm so sorry.

This is the second biggest fear of mine, I guess...never seeing them again...never knowing where they are or if they are even alive. The wondering and praying. The unknown.

I'm fairly new to this, so I can't comprehend the mindset we as mother's have to get to to feel this way. I'm SO sorry.

Doingfine

It's sad that he has made you into a nervous wreck. This is the worst part of the disease, when you devistate everyone else and don't care if you live or die.

I agree, hope he gets arrested and forced into a program.

Feel sad for you though, having to walk away for your own good. Must be the hardest thing that could happen to a mother.

wow04

I am a recoverying addict. I never knew what my mom meant when she said to me "I can't help you up, so I will help you down"

At the age of 14 my mom found drugs in my room again. I was given the choice to go back to rehab or move out. I moved out and didn't talk to my mom for 2 years. The only reason I talked to her was to tell her she was going to be a grandma.

At the age of 18 I called my mom wanting help. I knew I had to get off the drugs. She laid strick rules and let me and my daughter move in. It took me 3 years to get it, but I did.

If your son ever gets recovery, he will thank you for what you did. I thank my mom every March 23rd, my sobriety date. Without her letting me hit my bottom, I wouldn't be where I am.

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Wow 04. I love him but I hate his actions and I dont think he cares any more. I pray he lives through this. I know I have to let this whole thing go entirely to keep my sanity.
I am happy to hear you are clean and sober. Stay that way for your child.
TT

Hopehopehope

I know how it hurts to have that happen, one of my 3 addicts/alcoholics stole from me a favorite pair of gold hoop earrings and a gold diamond ring. Since I don't know which one is guilty because they had all been here within the time frame of finding them missing and when I last saw them. Now I don't trust either one of them. I didn't call police because it involved all three of them, I think I was so hurt I didn't have the energy to do it. My relationship with my daughter and her 26 y.o. son is very tense, with my son is also tensed, he lives out of town, but calls me everyday. It seem a part of me died and I don't know how to get it back. I'm very sad about it because they are my children and grandchild.

I'm planning a family gathering on mem. day, and I don't want to invite them, I know my family will ask where they are. This disease has caused me and my family so much pain and suffering. I do work my recovery program as best as I can, I have a sponsor, am actively involved in meetings.

Sometime I miss my daughter so much, we use to be close, we would go shopping, go out to eat and other fun things. I really miss my 7 y.o. granddaughter who lives 4hrs. away with her dad.

Anyway, I know how it hurts when your child steal from you. I know it was the disease that caused them to do it, but I don't want them around me until they get into recovery.

Hopehopehope!