Hevyn

Dear TT - I'm glad you came here to unburden yourself, even if just a little. Many here understand exactly what you're going through & they have some good suggestions on how to cope. I'm an alcoholic, who took advantage of her family & friends when drunk. I never meant to hurt or take anyone for granted, but it happened. I'm sure your son loves you and will one day see how wrong he's been.

I will pray for you and your family - that you will be comforted during this tragic time. D**n these drugs that suck the life out of good people.

Nina Kay

Hi there TT. I am also a Mother of an addict. I do definitely understand your pain & sorrow. It's just not fathomable. I'm so so sorry. I do so hope that you will be mistaken about your son ODing. **********************{Compassionate Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

Ilovemysonjj

I texted him yesterday "are you alive post on facebook".
That I did because I was so sure he would not respond. He accepted my friend request (I dont remember asking him to be my friend?) and that notification came in at 2:46 AM yesterday. He is alive at least.

Ilovemysonjj

My son sent me this message. I hear the manipulation, self hatred, drama and all other negative things that come up when he is crashing and burning. I cannot do anything to help him. I am giving everything up to God. I believe that if he truly feels the way he says in this message, then there is a chance that God can come in his heart. He is feeling guilt and remorse. Please pray for Gods intervention for JJ. If I knew where he was I would call 911 but I have NO idea. He may be in Arizona or he may be in the last place he lived.

Here is the message. I am sending it not to glamorize my situation but to honestly ask for all Mothers on the board to send a prayer. I also sent my reply.
Thanks and Love you all
TT

I couldn't tell you when it really started mom. Maybe its when I first started Heroin. Something that made me feel so good and made everything else not bother me. But when everything is dull nothing matters. I honestly cant find one good reason to tell myself not to end it all everyday. I mean so far its been you guys but honestly that isn't true. Cuz all I do is hurt you. Put you through pain and misery.
Nothing else seems to matter to me. I don't care if i die. Get locked up. Get killed. What the **** is an eternal soul? I don't think i have one. Maybe i sold it a long time ago to the devil for a piece of heroin i can just shoot up into my arm. I'm a sickness to the family. A cancer that needs to be quarantined from the only good that allows me around them. Don't look for me you won't find me. And look at this from my view. Yes it will hurt for awhile not knowing what the hell ever happened to me but in the end it will hurt a lot less then the overall pain i most likely will put you all through. I'm sorry. But i can't say i love you. Because i haven't proved it. I'm not going on my facebook anymore but i'm going to leave it like this to show better times. Goodbye

My reply: Come back when you can find yourself. God is much bigger than you are. I love you and someday I hope you love yourself. Turn yourself in and ask God to help you.


..

Heartbroken0608

Sending my prayers, for both you and JJ.

Nina Kay

TT,
I'm so happy that you found out that your son is alive. I really hope that he is as remorseful as he sounds. Maybe God can help him now & maybe he will work a recovery program. I really hope that's how it goes. You & he will be in my prayers.
**************{Caring Hugs}}}}}}}}} from one Mom to another.

Vale

Prayers for your dear son,JJ.

Prayers for all of us-----and may we all roundly
damn this hellfire of addiction.

Doingfine

Praying and crying. That's tough I'm sorry

Tinks65

TT
Prayers for your son, I have added him to a list of addicts I pray for. A few weeks ago I began a prayer ministry specifically for the addicts in my life. I pray daily for my son and a few men and women that have come into my life through him. One is the young man who was his cell mate for 15 months and is still incarcerated. After awhile I felt God leading me to be more specific, the list is growing. So on Wed mornings I set aside an hour to lift up each name on the list in prayer I also pray as specifically as I can for each one with whatever information I have on the individual. At first it was just me and God but then he brought another mom alongside, she doesn't even have a child who is an addict but has a heart for those who are hurting. Now she and I are praying that God will bring other moms to join us. I have seen the power of prayer in my life and the life of my son. Drug addiction is a heinous evil and I am coming to believe that it is one that is only broken through the power of God alone. I have learned that God's peace is not the absence of trouble in our lives but the very strength that carries us through it. He is on His throne whether we believe it or not and loves us with an everlasting love. My heart is heavy for you and JJ and will be praying for you both today

much love
T

Kindeyes

You and your dear son will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

puddinface

OH my god how my heart aches for you. I am sitting at my desk at work trying to hold back my tears. There is nothing harder than this feeling of loss to see our little boys and girls that have been taken over by this evil addiction. I too am in the throws of my son with his addiction. I too am at the end of my rope. It has no longer become about him...it is now about my health and sanity. He manipulates me and for one glorious split second...I see the boy I once knew...and I cave. Within a week, he is back to the same old friends, drugs and lies. It is heartbreaking and sad and I hold you in my prayers for you and your son to find peace.....for us all to find peace. Hugs to you..xox

Mad4Chaos

I feel your pain. 4 days ago I had to kick my son out of the house & change the locks on the doors because he stole from me again. It was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. He's been addicted to pain pills for years. It'll be a year next month that his mother & I sent him to rehab, but he just wasn't willing to do the work that comes with staying sober. Now he's living with a drug dealer, & at this point, I'm just waiting on the phone call telling me that he's dead.

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Mad4Chaos. I will pray for your peace. Today I gave him up again in my heart. There is no one who can help our addicts except God and they must be ready.
God will always be there, all we need to do is ask.
Hugs
Teresa

bryangt

Be strong & strong in your faith TT. Prayers are with you & your family. God Bless.

tjp613

Just want to send you a hug and a prayer, dear. My son is a heroin addict too. I recently moved and haven't even told him--just so he doesn't come and rob me blind some day.

I understand your pain and I am so sorry.

Impurrfect

((jj and other parents)) - My heart just breaks for you, and I am well aware that I put my family through much of the same. I rember feeling that I didn't really care if I lived or died, that my family would be better off without me, anyway.

I continue keeping all the moms, dads, kids in my prayers, along with everyone who is dealing with addiction, whichever side of the addict fence they may be on.

I am in recovery from crack (after abusing the heck out of opiates), my stepsister is in recovery for heroin. We should both be dead, but seems like HP had other plans. I understand waiting for the phone call saying "he/she's gone". I grew up expecting that call for 2 of my uncles, extreme heroin addicts. I never realized it, until just now, maybe that's where I learned to "prepare for the worst, pray for the best".

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Amy. I am really feeling HP today. Some reason, I have peace. I have decided to "step away from the crack pipe" and insanity LOL.
Only God can really help JJ right now. My "help" isn't available , only "hope" that his conscience rises from slumber and he surrenders himself to HP. Then and only then is there a chance he can survive this disease.

SeekingGrowth

My heart is breaking for you. I know how devastating it is to be in the midst of such a crisis with your beloved child, and how heartbreaking it is to live with the helplessness that I know you feel. I remember receiving text messages almost identical to the message you relayed from my AS in mid March. The next week, he checked himself into a rehab facility. I think that your response to his message was perfect -- maintaining your boundaries, but at the same time communicating a very powerful love, a message that he can't possibly miss.

The pain and emotional devastation cause by heroin, visited on both the user and those who love him -- are so very tragic and profound, and I think truly unknown by people who have not been in our position. The rest of the world knows that "'drugs are bad," but they have no idea, I think, just how devastating and painful and tragic addiction can be.

Your posts bring tears to my eyes. You and your son are in my prayers.

puddinface

Seeking Growth...your post was beautiful and hit home with me. I find great comfort knowing that I can talk to people here on SR. Nobody understands the devastation that this world of addiction has on those who are going through it AND the ones that have to stand back and watch (and ache in their hearts everyday.) If I can tell you how certain very good friends of mine gave me that look of "Whats wrong with that kid?....Why cant you make him stop that stuff?....almost as if it was something I did wrong as a parent. I wanted to cry and tell them...."I hope you never ever have to go through this hell...nobody should."

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Seeking, I am letting HP handle this. Nothing I can say or do will convince or bribe or guilt or force JJ to seek recovery. All I can do is let go. I love him and will never stop but I hate what Heroin is doing to him and what it has done to our family.
I feel okay and since I finally am on step one : surrender. I thought I had done that last year.... WRONG. I now see that I was still extremely enmeshed in his live and his choices. During his time in jail, rehab and SLE, I was always too enmeshed, too obsessed with what he is doing, what he is feeling, etc. One little sign of improvement and I was over the moon.
I am finally understanding surrender. I will keep praying and seeking strength from all of the other mothers who live with this.
Love
TT