Back home with boundaries thanks to you
 

My AS is back home. After last relapse, his GF said it would be better if he wasn't living with her. So, ok, he came back here - correction, we let him come back here. Please, remember it has only been months for us dealing with this. Thanks to all of you, I understand boundaries and what the future might be. My H doesn't get it - "if he doesn't have the balls to deal with it, then he is out of here" Right, that helps. I found out today that he relapsed again - with so many relapses so close, um, isn't that just a pause - anyway - I immediately logged in to this forum and read the 10 commandments for parents. Other child had special show tonight at his school, so ignored AS, and enjoyed time with other child. I'm fairly sure this post doesn't help anyone else, but it helps me to type it. So thank you.
b.
and whoever wrote something like: if all it took was love and support we would not all be here... please let me know. I want to use that quote and want to attribute it correctly. thanks.
b.

Dont underestimate how your posts may help others. Even if they don't post, many read and learn. Thanks for sharing, and good job with doing what you know is right.

There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will cause him to stay clean or relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are. If all it took was love, none of us would be here.

We're here to listen. This is a been there done that kind of crowd.

I hope I never have to face my son's girlfriend suggesting he move back in with us. It's certainly crossed my mind more than once. Right now I am enjoying that his problems are her problems, not mine.

When my son moved out to move in with his girlfriend, I asked him what his Plan B was if living with his girlfriend didn't work out. He commented how negative I am. You and I and everybody on this board know I was not being negative--just realistic. I responded that I wanted him to have a Plan B because our home (I waved my arms out around me) is not his Plan B. So far so good.

I am glad you are standing your ground and you have no responsibility to be his plan b so you are absolutely in the right here, but remember, his problems are always HIS problems, not someone elses!

Many relapses sounds like he is not done yet. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I think the quote you are looking for is

If love could cure addiction, none of us would be here.

I've read it so many times over the years here on SR and said by so many, I don't know who may have originally said it. It is such a simple statement....and so true.

I have also allowed my son to come back to my house to live so many times. The last time.....was the last time. I had to reach a bottom too and that was it.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

"I understand boundaries and what the future might be."

What boundaries did you and your husband create before he moved back in?
And was he sat down and briefed on these boundaries?

If you handle this properly right now, you may be able to spare yourselves and your son years of pain. Even if your boy never gets it, you will be in a much better place.

If you decide to play warden and try to manage his addiction/recovery, you very well may become addicted to his addiction like so many of us were/are.

Good luck.

I hope should the time come I will remember to stand firm and let his problems be solely his problems!

But I still like that the girlfriend is in the front seat row of his recovery (or lack of) and not me! I just want to keep it that way!

bookreader,
I have just seen it many times over the time I have been here. I don't know who to attribute either. Maybe it is an AlAnon saying? I am just guessing now. I am gonna google a bit, see what I can find.

Beth

bookreader, I love books too. I used them to escape, but now I read for enjoyment. :)