wtf relapse
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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wtf relapse
how in the world is this possible. i knew she was having struggles. she has been friends w a 19yo girl in the program who seemed to be taking it not so seriously. she talked a lot about leaving and getting high. my gf said that while that was tempting, she didnt want the consequences of feeling physically and mentally bad and having to restart the program if she left. she said there was temptation, but she was using her tools to work through it. i said i got a bad feeling from the other girl, so did her sponsor who tried to guide her not to be a follower if she left.
i called this morning
BAM
they left
i cant believe the juxtaposition of feelings i have had in two days.
what can anyone share about relapse
i called this morning
BAM
they left
i cant believe the juxtaposition of feelings i have had in two days.
what can anyone share about relapse
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Location: Boston, Ma
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My brother said to me after a few months clean and sober "Being dopesick is the worst feeling in the entire world. I know I'll never use again because I'll die before I'm dopesick again."
He was clean about 9 months and some change. That was a few years ago, hes been using ever since.
He was clean about 9 months and some change. That was a few years ago, hes been using ever since.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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90 days!!!! gone in a flash
i am hurting for sure, but i know i have to remain moving forward. i dont want to go back to where i was. i love her wit hall my heart and i felt so proud to make that post yesterday. i f ing hate drugs and addiction. she looked and sounded like a new person. my god i have not seen life in her like that for two years. she was going to therapy, taking meds, going to counseling, helping new comers in detox, she seemed to have embraced it all around. i am not giving up on her, but i am not giving up on myself either.
i am hurting for sure, but i know i have to remain moving forward. i dont want to go back to where i was. i love her wit hall my heart and i felt so proud to make that post yesterday. i f ing hate drugs and addiction. she looked and sounded like a new person. my god i have not seen life in her like that for two years. she was going to therapy, taking meds, going to counseling, helping new comers in detox, she seemed to have embraced it all around. i am not giving up on her, but i am not giving up on myself either.
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the "good' thing is that she did quite dope a while back. it was the crack and coke that kept her going. i only hope that a taste of sobriety and going back to that ******** lifestyle helps her find her way back sooner rather than later
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Relapse happens… that is what I say about it.
Get over it, it ain’t yours to worry about, but hers to deal with and work through the consequences of her actions once she is done running.
I am maybe a bit to cynical, but either you are in or out.
If you are in, then you work on you, don’t enable her and accept that not only is she an addict, but she also is her own person and can choose to live how she wants.
If you are done, then be done, work on you, don’t play the game and ride the ride of her ups and downs that she needs to go through to learn.
Relapse = just not quite done yet, need to learn something else
Relapse is a learning experience, and a good one!
Relapse though requires recovery…
Only she knows if she was working an honest recovery program, and if she wasn’t, then she didn’t relapse she just starting taking drugs again. Just the act of not taking a drug doesn’t mean one isn’t still very much in active addiction.
And I will guarantee you that she is well aware of who is good for her and who isn’t, she ran cause she wanted to, and you know what she had every right to run, just as she had every right to stay. This is all on her as it should be, don’t make it about you, don’t blame the other girl, she didn’t have to go with her, the fact that she did could teach her something, when she takes the time to look at her actions and her why’s….
But in the end she left because she wanted to leave and if she used, then she used because she wanted to!
I will keep good thoughts for her.
Get over it, it ain’t yours to worry about, but hers to deal with and work through the consequences of her actions once she is done running.
I am maybe a bit to cynical, but either you are in or out.
If you are in, then you work on you, don’t enable her and accept that not only is she an addict, but she also is her own person and can choose to live how she wants.
If you are done, then be done, work on you, don’t play the game and ride the ride of her ups and downs that she needs to go through to learn.
Relapse = just not quite done yet, need to learn something else
Relapse is a learning experience, and a good one!
Relapse though requires recovery…
Only she knows if she was working an honest recovery program, and if she wasn’t, then she didn’t relapse she just starting taking drugs again. Just the act of not taking a drug doesn’t mean one isn’t still very much in active addiction.
And I will guarantee you that she is well aware of who is good for her and who isn’t, she ran cause she wanted to, and you know what she had every right to run, just as she had every right to stay. This is all on her as it should be, don’t make it about you, don’t blame the other girl, she didn’t have to go with her, the fact that she did could teach her something, when she takes the time to look at her actions and her why’s….
But in the end she left because she wanted to leave and if she used, then she used because she wanted to!
I will keep good thoughts for her.
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steve, I guess you're not done yet either and have more lessons to learn. If you need help for yourself, I'll wait for you to ask. But, outside of prayer, I'm not giving your alo one more minute of my time.
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thank you incitingsilence, thank you suki, that was insightful and meaningful.
if she left "the first chance she had" she would have left day one. day two, or any other day. the fact is she di not leave for 90 days and that counts for something in my book. i was not saying that one drug is better than another. i was pointing out she wasnt using dope anymore. that is why "good" was in quotes. i didnt say it was good that she was using coke. but it will be good if she doesnt go back to dope. i dont see what is so f'd up about that. i understand they both are hard drugs that feed addiction.
my post should indicate that i am not wanting to relapse and that i want to move forward for me. so i dont know how it seems that i relapse.
if she left "the first chance she had" she would have left day one. day two, or any other day. the fact is she di not leave for 90 days and that counts for something in my book. i was not saying that one drug is better than another. i was pointing out she wasnt using dope anymore. that is why "good" was in quotes. i didnt say it was good that she was using coke. but it will be good if she doesnt go back to dope. i dont see what is so f'd up about that. i understand they both are hard drugs that feed addiction.
my post should indicate that i am not wanting to relapse and that i want to move forward for me. so i dont know how it seems that i relapse.
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Originally Posted by steve1840 
... i dont know how it seems that i relapse.
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Of course the 90 days means something, but it has to mean something to her, and with her throwing it away…well only she needs to find what it all means.
For you, what about you? Where are your answers in all of this, what do you need…it isn’t like she hasn’t proved over and over she is an addict, she is also her and she will do what she wants … not sure that’s a bad thing, because she can want a life in recovery just as easy.
I mean it makes sense 90 days the thinking starts … well I went 90 days, see I can stop and once the thought starts running…
90 days from the other side of the fence, hey look she got 90 days…well you will need to look at how you might have hinged your life, future, hopes and dreams on her 90 days…sucks cause nothing can be about them whether they are using or not.
For you, what about you? Where are your answers in all of this, what do you need…it isn’t like she hasn’t proved over and over she is an addict, she is also her and she will do what she wants … not sure that’s a bad thing, because she can want a life in recovery just as easy.
I mean it makes sense 90 days the thinking starts … well I went 90 days, see I can stop and once the thought starts running…
90 days from the other side of the fence, hey look she got 90 days…well you will need to look at how you might have hinged your life, future, hopes and dreams on her 90 days…sucks cause nothing can be about them whether they are using or not.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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What I know about relapse is that sometimes it takes 3, 4, 5 or 50 relapses before a person embraces sobriety. There is always hope even if the odds are not in her favor. The thing is, will you put your life on hold and make yourself crazy (for the 100th time) waiting for that to happen? You might very well find yourself right here in this same spot 30 years from now. You get to decide.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Originally Posted by steve1840
i am not giving up on her, but i am not giving up on myself either.
Detaching with love was a valuable lesson for me. It takes practice but can be done.
It's heartbreaking when any addict relapses. However, recovery has taught me that I can continue to be okay even when they do.
Wishing YOU success as you continue on your recovery path Steve1840!
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