Happy,proud,impressed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 36
Happy,proud,impressed.
My RA fiance... he has been clean for 10 weeks now.
I won't say anything on where it is going, I don't want to jinx it..
But for the first time since I found out about his addiction, I feel like he finally GETS IT..
We had a really great,great, wonderful heart to heart the other night.. and he really came out and expressed himself..
He knew that I had been wondering about, and hoping he hadn't relapsed because he had about a week or two of all over the place up and down emotions..it's been so long since my own addiction that I forgot what a trip it can be.
Basically, he feels alive again.
He's starting to feel again, anyway.
I said it's about damn time and how's it feel to be alive again, to not have everything dulled.
I told him I'd been waiting for him to reach this point for a while.. to really see the light and realize that life is a gift each of us has been given and it is worth seeing it through sobered eyes.
His response was that he feels great. It's been a long time since he could really feel anything, pain anyway.. it's been dulled for so long.
That's when I said more than just pain is dulled.
Your entire LIFE gets dulled and kind of put on the back burner..
You don't feel a damn thing like you would if you were sober.
I'm getting more and more of the man I met years ago.. the man who I thought either never existed or who had been slaughtered by the addiction..
But no, he's still in there.. looking for his way out..
And I see more of him every day.
I just can't explain how good it feels for all of us.
We've been discussing wedding plans, what exactly it is that we want, yadda yadda.
It will still be a while yet, but it's nice that he is taking an interest, and doesn't plan on this being like a 20 year engagement or anything.
I'm just so proud of him for finally seeing that his life could be a lot brighter if he'd just ditch the needle.
It really is great seeing the sparkle return to his eyes and a smile to his face..
He's even been putting on weight and that makes me do this!---> ^_^
Scars are healing over here.. the internal and external ones.
That makes me a happy camper, but I won't be blinded and stick my head in the clouds.
I still keep my head on straight and stay aware.
We aren't out of the woods yet, the journey has just begun.. but I can't wait to see him cross the finish line this time
I know, I am always so stinkin rambly! But I can't help it, things have been going well so I haven't been here much and I have so much to say I can't organize a bleepin thought. Oh well.
I just wanted to share that things have been very well here!
Hoping to spread a little hope and cheer, and let people know that even after an 18 year battle with heroin addiction.. you CAN come out on top.
Will power is one of the strongest "powers" we've got as human beings, and we can come out of ANYTHING so long as we set our minds on the goal at hand(with a few exceptions...yanno)
I won't say anything on where it is going, I don't want to jinx it..
But for the first time since I found out about his addiction, I feel like he finally GETS IT..
We had a really great,great, wonderful heart to heart the other night.. and he really came out and expressed himself..
He knew that I had been wondering about, and hoping he hadn't relapsed because he had about a week or two of all over the place up and down emotions..it's been so long since my own addiction that I forgot what a trip it can be.
Basically, he feels alive again.
He's starting to feel again, anyway.
I said it's about damn time and how's it feel to be alive again, to not have everything dulled.
I told him I'd been waiting for him to reach this point for a while.. to really see the light and realize that life is a gift each of us has been given and it is worth seeing it through sobered eyes.
His response was that he feels great. It's been a long time since he could really feel anything, pain anyway.. it's been dulled for so long.
That's when I said more than just pain is dulled.
Your entire LIFE gets dulled and kind of put on the back burner..
You don't feel a damn thing like you would if you were sober.
I'm getting more and more of the man I met years ago.. the man who I thought either never existed or who had been slaughtered by the addiction..
But no, he's still in there.. looking for his way out..
And I see more of him every day.
I just can't explain how good it feels for all of us.
We've been discussing wedding plans, what exactly it is that we want, yadda yadda.
It will still be a while yet, but it's nice that he is taking an interest, and doesn't plan on this being like a 20 year engagement or anything.
I'm just so proud of him for finally seeing that his life could be a lot brighter if he'd just ditch the needle.
It really is great seeing the sparkle return to his eyes and a smile to his face..
He's even been putting on weight and that makes me do this!---> ^_^
Scars are healing over here.. the internal and external ones.
That makes me a happy camper, but I won't be blinded and stick my head in the clouds.
I still keep my head on straight and stay aware.
We aren't out of the woods yet, the journey has just begun.. but I can't wait to see him cross the finish line this time
I know, I am always so stinkin rambly! But I can't help it, things have been going well so I haven't been here much and I have so much to say I can't organize a bleepin thought. Oh well.
I just wanted to share that things have been very well here!
Hoping to spread a little hope and cheer, and let people know that even after an 18 year battle with heroin addiction.. you CAN come out on top.
Will power is one of the strongest "powers" we've got as human beings, and we can come out of ANYTHING so long as we set our minds on the goal at hand(with a few exceptions...yanno)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
I'll be...
you sound incredibly happy and I hope that life continues bringing healing and recovery.
I feel compelled to mention, however, that your post has some possible dangers for those reading. Anything I have ever encountered that involves recovery, the literature, the websites, and the stories of recovery (100's that I have heard) use a lot, A LOT, of caution around the idea of "will power". The idea that it takes "will power" sets people out to feel like failures, like they should be able to do it on their own, or that with enough will power you can get someone to change.
I think your post sounds like you are on the pink cloud of codie attachment to someone else's early recovery. ten weeks out of and you are afraid you will "jinx" it...that sounds like magical thinking...like you have some power to cure/control/cause
please keep focused on your own recovery
as you said, you have so much to say you can't organize a thought...you have so much to say about his recovery...and I have no idea what you think a "finish line" is?
is coming out "on top" talking about wedding plans with someone who is ten weeks into recovery from 18 years of addiction?
please be careful
you sound incredibly happy and I hope that life continues bringing healing and recovery.
I feel compelled to mention, however, that your post has some possible dangers for those reading. Anything I have ever encountered that involves recovery, the literature, the websites, and the stories of recovery (100's that I have heard) use a lot, A LOT, of caution around the idea of "will power". The idea that it takes "will power" sets people out to feel like failures, like they should be able to do it on their own, or that with enough will power you can get someone to change.
I think your post sounds like you are on the pink cloud of codie attachment to someone else's early recovery. ten weeks out of and you are afraid you will "jinx" it...that sounds like magical thinking...like you have some power to cure/control/cause
please keep focused on your own recovery
as you said, you have so much to say you can't organize a thought...you have so much to say about his recovery...and I have no idea what you think a "finish line" is?
is coming out "on top" talking about wedding plans with someone who is ten weeks into recovery from 18 years of addiction?
please be careful
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Your hopes and feelings are normal, but this euphoria is, I fear, a distraction from the insidious, cunning, and powerful disease both you and he are facing right now. This is actually a very dangerous time for you. You mention you haven't posted in a while....are you relaxing your connection to people in recovery there as well?
This is a very grim disease he has, and you both need to work a very very hard program right now. Wedding plans, fun getaways, and illusions of a romantic life together need to be placed on hold. Because he is at serious risk of dying if he does not get well. The odds are stacked against him. He can't afford to be on a pink cloud. He could die up there.
Multiple weekly recovery meetings and counseling for you both: that is where the focus needs to be.
Wishing you a clear-headed and intensely committed recovery.
This is a very grim disease he has, and you both need to work a very very hard program right now. Wedding plans, fun getaways, and illusions of a romantic life together need to be placed on hold. Because he is at serious risk of dying if he does not get well. The odds are stacked against him. He can't afford to be on a pink cloud. He could die up there.
Multiple weekly recovery meetings and counseling for you both: that is where the focus needs to be.
Wishing you a clear-headed and intensely committed recovery.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Always remember: Recovery first! Even in the good times. Not trying to burst your happy bubble or anything, but you can not let your guard down or get lax with your recovery and neither can he.
I know what it feels like to be on cloud nine when the addict gets into recovery and really seems to finally 'get it' We become elated with joy because this is everything we've dreamed of and the elation can override the reality and the reality is that addiction is cunning, deceiving and still calls out to the addict to use.
Ten weeks is a good start, but it is just a small drop in the bucket to the eighteen years of addiction. He is like a newborn baby in his recovery. Just picture a ten week old baby .. the baby still has a lot of learning and growing to do until it can begin to take its first step to begin to learn to walk.
Your fiance has a long way to go before he has solid recovery time under his belt. It is best to wait until a year of recovery is reached before making life changing decisions.
The focus needs to remain on recovery, getting well. Focus, focus, focus and then focus some more. It is not time for getting swooped away into the land of happily ever after just yet. The journey for him has just begun and at 10 weeks he has a long long way to go before it does more then just sink in, but penetrates deep into the of core of his addiction and healing can begin to take place so that recovery becomes a way of life for him. Right now it is just the honeymoon part of recovery. It takes hard work to maintain what you've started and follow it through to the point of it being his lifestyle.
Same for you. Recovery has to become a part of your lifestyle. If you get whisked up into the honeymoon of his recovery you are setting yourself up to stop growing in yours and if he doesn't make it (not saying he won't, but if he relapses) you will be devastated even more so then how you were before coming to SR.
Like I said, 10 weeks is a good start, but just a drop in the bucket of the big picture.
I only speak to you from experience in both area's. I have been the active addict now in recovery for many years and I have been the one who loved the active addict that went into recovery, we got married two weeks in and less then two months he was using again. Two years later I left him. 10 years later he lost his life to his addiction.
Your recovery is just as important now then it was when he was active in his addiction. Him being able to focus on his recovery without distractions is extremely important to him being able to maintain his recovery. He is just a baby beginning recovery and recovery is not easy. It is going to take all that he has got to give and more.
You both are in my prayers and I am cheering you both on.
Passion -
I know what it feels like to be on cloud nine when the addict gets into recovery and really seems to finally 'get it' We become elated with joy because this is everything we've dreamed of and the elation can override the reality and the reality is that addiction is cunning, deceiving and still calls out to the addict to use.
Ten weeks is a good start, but it is just a small drop in the bucket to the eighteen years of addiction. He is like a newborn baby in his recovery. Just picture a ten week old baby .. the baby still has a lot of learning and growing to do until it can begin to take its first step to begin to learn to walk.
Your fiance has a long way to go before he has solid recovery time under his belt. It is best to wait until a year of recovery is reached before making life changing decisions.
The focus needs to remain on recovery, getting well. Focus, focus, focus and then focus some more. It is not time for getting swooped away into the land of happily ever after just yet. The journey for him has just begun and at 10 weeks he has a long long way to go before it does more then just sink in, but penetrates deep into the of core of his addiction and healing can begin to take place so that recovery becomes a way of life for him. Right now it is just the honeymoon part of recovery. It takes hard work to maintain what you've started and follow it through to the point of it being his lifestyle.
Same for you. Recovery has to become a part of your lifestyle. If you get whisked up into the honeymoon of his recovery you are setting yourself up to stop growing in yours and if he doesn't make it (not saying he won't, but if he relapses) you will be devastated even more so then how you were before coming to SR.
Like I said, 10 weeks is a good start, but just a drop in the bucket of the big picture.
I only speak to you from experience in both area's. I have been the active addict now in recovery for many years and I have been the one who loved the active addict that went into recovery, we got married two weeks in and less then two months he was using again. Two years later I left him. 10 years later he lost his life to his addiction.
Your recovery is just as important now then it was when he was active in his addiction. Him being able to focus on his recovery without distractions is extremely important to him being able to maintain his recovery. He is just a baby beginning recovery and recovery is not easy. It is going to take all that he has got to give and more.
You both are in my prayers and I am cheering you both on.
Passion -
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