Is it normal to escalate...?

Old 05-14-2012, 09:47 AM
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Is it normal to escalate...?

About two weeks ago we told our daughter that she could not come home this time after release from jail. She was very hurt, of course. She's homeless, jobless, car-less, penniless except for what she can steal or solicit.

What's worrying me is it seems her destructive behavior seems to be worse than ever.

Her drug of choice is heroin, however when she came out of jail - according to her boyfriend - she's also been doing an awful lot of meth to the point of complete loss of control. (On heroin she is practically normal acting. You'd really never know it to just meet her and speak with her.) The other day I happened to see her in town and she was doing the flailing, stumbling, jiggling, pacing, spastic movements walking down the sidewalk. I was stunned, actually, to watch her in that state. (Right or wrong, yes, I stopped and asked if she was alright and got her a cold drink and a sandwich. She was very argumentative and it was a distressing time. Said I loved her very much. She said she loved me very much, too. I left her where she was.)

I fear that our decision pushed her over the edge, even though it had to be done. I'm scared more than ever for not only her well-being health wise, but this has to make her even more vulnerable to predators.

My question is is it normal for them to escalate and go so far down hill so fast when extreme consequences such as being cut off from family and home comforts happen?
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Old 05-14-2012, 10:12 AM
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I don't know about normal but it's very common. The level of self destruction is proportionate to the personal bottom. You and your family are in my prayers.
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Old 05-14-2012, 01:04 PM
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sorry to hear this, i think it was her decision that maybe pushing her and not any decisions you've made to protect yourself. my famiy cut me off and allowed me to suffer the consequences of my own actions. then and only then could i see for myself how out of control my life had become, then and only then did i become desperate to seek help and commit to maintaining sobriety.

today im a few yrs clean and totally grateful that my family got out of my way and let me fall. keep praying and i'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers
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Old 05-14-2012, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by YouWillBe View Post
About two weeks ago we told our daughter that she could not come home this time after release from jail. She was very hurt, of course. She's homeless, jobless, car-less, penniless except for what she can steal or solicit.

What's worrying me is it seems her destructive behavior seems to be worse than ever.

Her drug of choice is heroin, however when she came out of jail - according to her boyfriend - she's also been doing an awful lot of meth to the point of complete loss of control. (On heroin she is practically normal acting. You'd really never know it to just meet her and speak with her.) The other day I happened to see her in town and she was doing the flailing, stumbling, jiggling, pacing, spastic movements walking down the sidewalk. I was stunned, actually, to watch her in that state. (Right or wrong, yes, I stopped and asked if she was alright and got her a cold drink and a sandwich. She was very argumentative and it was a distressing time. Said I loved her very much. She said she loved me very much, too. I left her where she was.)

I fear that our decision pushed her over the edge, even though it had to be done. I'm scared more than ever for not only her well-being health wise, but this has to make her even more vulnerable to predators.

My question is is it normal for them to escalate and go so far down hill so fast when extreme consequences such as being cut off from family and home comforts happen?
You set a boundary: she could not come over after being released from jail. She has not sought the help she needs. There's nothing you can do about that. You've chosen to protect yourself.

I don't have children, so I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you to tell your child, who's very ill, she can't come home. If something were to happen to your daughter, it will not be because you set a boundary. You did the right thing, even if it goes against every instinct you have as a parent.

I will be thinking of you this evening during my prayers, and I will be thinking of your daughter, too.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 05-14-2012, 02:40 PM
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I am a mother of 1 AS and 1 RS, I know how your feeling as a parent I always was worried as well yet I knew I had to stop enabling and set boundaries at the same time I worried but what if and knew I would blame me. Everyone above is right you made the right choice and should anything happen your not to blame she has to want too get clean and do the work you can not do that for her as you know.

Big hugs from one mother to another

Your family will be in my prayers.
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Old 05-14-2012, 04:38 PM
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Ann
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Originally Posted by YouWillBe View Post
I fear that our decision pushed her over the edge, even though it had to be done.
Hugs from another mama here...sweetie once they are active in addiction, they are already over the edge. Nothing we do or do not do can save them if they won't save themselves. If love could save them, not one of us would be here.

"We" are not their only option, we're not even a good one...if she really wants help she will find it at a rehab or detox or a meeting. But first she has to want it.

Keeping you both in my prayers because I know how hard this is.

Hugs
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Old 05-14-2012, 05:44 PM
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I'm sorry you are going through this. You and your D will be in my prayers.
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Old 05-14-2012, 10:29 PM
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I have watched my son's drug use escalate as well. I've given up guessing if or when he'll find his bottom. It's very hard to watch so I've chosen to no longer sit in a front row seat to watch it. I love him but I love myself and others as well.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke
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