help
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: barrie
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help
i have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years and he recently just got out of rehab and went into one of those transitonal home for 5 months. He been to rehab before one well he is with me and one well we were dating and now . he is addicited to pills and drinking basiclay anything he can get his hands hand . I new he was recently recovering for addiction when we frist met . He told me he was fresh out of rehab but just by talking to him i new he had a good great and was trying to stay clean. in the begining we were just friends and than started dating . As the years went on he just got worst , fighting stealing from me and so on . i was going crazy from everything what was happing .he went to jail for a bit and than we become closer, missing each other and more promises but than it went back to normal fighting again . this time around is his 3rd time in rehab and everything was good until he gose on his weekend visit everything good for the fist lil while and than back to same old goin on the pc late at night doing things on the net what upset me even tho he says i love you its just the net. reading my meds what i need to take , but than when he gose back its all good again he miss me and i miss him. than he gose to this transitional house and its like am not apart of him anymore as he tells me that there allot of girls around there ( he loves to look at other girls but cont to tell me that am the only one for him ) by him telling me that it kills me insde breaks my heart and i feel dead inside . i dont know anymore having sleepless nights i just dont know
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Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by sadness 
i have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years and he recently just got out of rehab and went into one of those transitonal home for 5 months. He been to rehab before one well he is with me and one well we were dating and now . he is addicited to pills and drinking basiclay anything he can get his hands hand . I new he was recently recovering for addiction when we frist met . He told me he was fresh out of rehab but just by talking to him i new he had a good great and was trying to stay clean. in the begining we were just friends and than started dating . As the years went on he just got worst , fighting stealing from me and so on . i was going crazy from everything what was happing .he went to jail for a bit and than we become closer, missing each other and more promises but than it went back to normal fighting again . this time around is his 3rd time in rehab and everything was good until he gose on his weekend visit everything good for the fist lil while and than back to same old goin on the pc late at night doing things on the net what upset me even tho he says i love you its just the net. reading my meds what i need to take , but than when he gose back its all good again he miss me and i miss him. than he gose to this transitional house and its like am not apart of him anymore as he tells me that there allot of girls around there ( he loves to look at other girls but cont to tell me that am the only one for him ) by him telling me that it kills me insde breaks my heart and i feel dead inside . i dont know anymore having sleepless nights i just dont know
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Anvilhead hit the mark when she wrote that your BF is not stable enough to be a committed partner. If he cannot take care of himself, then he cannot tend to your needs. The question, should you choose to face it, is whether or not you're going to take care of you. You can't help him; you can help yourself, if you choose to. That means that you may have to make choices you don't necessarily wish to make.
I cannot tell you what's best for you. But what I hope I (and everyone on the board) can do is help you ask the right questions so that you can make a better decision for yourself. There is hope, should you choose to embrace it.
Please, be safe.
ZoSo
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi im sorry you are going through this, it took me 21yrs of basically the same kind of treatment to figure out i had to separate myself from my husband and his addiction inorder to save my own sanity, so i do understand.
you deserve better, im sorry to say but sounds like your bf may or may not be ready to actually quit and until he makes up his mind to, his behavior will still get progressively worst and he'll keep you hanging on for as many yrs as you allow him to treat you this way.
the choice is yours, is this what you want for your life in the future? i'll keep you in my prayers
you deserve better, im sorry to say but sounds like your bf may or may not be ready to actually quit and until he makes up his mind to, his behavior will still get progressively worst and he'll keep you hanging on for as many yrs as you allow him to treat you this way.
the choice is yours, is this what you want for your life in the future? i'll keep you in my prayers
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome, sadness.
When he tells you that he loves you and that you're the only one for him, that is the hook. That is how he controls you.
When a codependent tries to control an addict, generally she is trying to keep him from using drugs or to keep him from hurting her in some way.
But when an addict tries to control a codependent girlfriend, I believe it's because he gets a rush from feeling powerful, from dominating someone else into submission. There is a book called "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken (who is a recovering addict and a counselor) that speaks to this. This pursuit of power is especially true of coke and meth addicts.
So he hurts you. Cuts you off. You feel rejected and in your rejection you want to be rewarded by his approval and love again. He shows up again. He tells you he loves you and you're the only one for him. This makes you happy. Then he hurts you. Cuts you off. You feel rejected and in your rejection you.......And the cycle starts again.
We do understand this and hope you will read SR and post when you need to while you are trying to help yourself get off that hook.
When he tells you that he loves you and that you're the only one for him, that is the hook. That is how he controls you.
When a codependent tries to control an addict, generally she is trying to keep him from using drugs or to keep him from hurting her in some way.
But when an addict tries to control a codependent girlfriend, I believe it's because he gets a rush from feeling powerful, from dominating someone else into submission. There is a book called "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken (who is a recovering addict and a counselor) that speaks to this. This pursuit of power is especially true of coke and meth addicts.
So he hurts you. Cuts you off. You feel rejected and in your rejection you want to be rewarded by his approval and love again. He shows up again. He tells you he loves you and you're the only one for him. This makes you happy. Then he hurts you. Cuts you off. You feel rejected and in your rejection you.......And the cycle starts again.
We do understand this and hope you will read SR and post when you need to while you are trying to help yourself get off that hook.
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