Farfalla

Greetings all!
As many of you know I moved out of my home with my children. We are living "somewhat" peacefully at my parents. Recently I had to obtain a TRO on my AH which was extended until the 17th because my AH was bothered I came to court with a lawyer so he asked for a continuance to obtain a lawyer. Well he doesn't have money for a lawyer and now the latest...
He calls our 14 year old son Friday stating he is going back to rehab. Misses his appointment Friday. Has yet another appointment on Saturday. Passed out for 9 hours misses that appointment. Now he has an appointment scheduled for today at 3pm. Oh, did I mention he is taking his car because he wants his car there because he is leaving after 15days. Last night he called his 18 year old daughter because he doesn't have the copay money. I forbid her to give it to him. I am not sure if this was the right thing to do but I feel he found a way to buy drugs he can find a way to get the copay money. He has two parents and two sisters. Between the four of them they can get together the copay of $375. I am completely out of this rehab stent. Don't want to know anything. I don't want to be a point of contact. Nothing. He told his daughter he really needs to speak to me before he goes today. I will not violate the order I have against him. I told her 90day no contact rule for me. She is an adult now so she can work her own recovery but her sponsor did tell her she should go with the 90day no contact rule as well. Tonight there is a F2F meeting and she is bringing her brother to the F2F Alateen meeting for the first time. I took a ride to the 11th Step book store in our area to pick him up his Alateen daily reader. I just see through this whole latest manipulation. He has court on the 17th for the order. He doesn't want to go so he is going to go to rehab instead. I truly feel numb as far as he is concerned. The hurt runs to deep. He has not given me one cent for his children since I left. The 17th that will be addressed. After he came to our home and banged on the door and I was forced to get a restraining order my poor mother broke out in shingles the next morning from the stress and fear. He is completely over the deep end! I do wish him well in his recovery when he finally works it but part of my program is having no expectations and I don't whatsoever.
Open to any ESH...
Please respond.
Thanks.
Mar

I am working the fourth step. It really is taking me forever! I am working in the Blueprint for Progress with my sponsor. I must have alot of character defects.

Chino

All I have are prayers for you and your family. Your post touched me because I had shingles when I was 12 (I was under a lot of stress). It could have just as easily been you or one of your kids coming down with it, instead of your mom. It could have been worse. I'm praying your mom has a full recovery and that all of you are healed, including your husband.

lesliej

so proud of you for doing what it takes, and developing what sounds like very necessary and strong boundaries. great work, and so healthy for you and your children to be involved in the self-care, support, love and tool providing program of al anon/al ateen

keep doing what you're doing, you are solid on the path

4th step? I loved the 4th step because the hard work I did there relieved me of burdens that were weighing me down and distorting my perspective of life and love.

a lot of times the "defects" we have are actually good parts of our character that have become distorted over time. One such very common defect is perfectionism...and guess where it often shows up? in doing the 4th step. go figure, some of us become perfectionists at doing our steps...

I know some people will break their 4th into sections...just to start the movement, let go of some of the fear by taking it apart...

whatever you do with it, try to enjoy the process!! I spent SEVEN hours doing my 4th!!!!! hahahahaha!!! WILD! Now I absolutely love the work I have done! My 4th step material is like a cartographers treasure...

whenever I react to life I can look at my personal life map and see where the path of reaction has been twisted in the past...and I can alter my path, make healthy changes and steer my course toward healthy, happy, communicative, thoughtful, understanding and self-aware behaviors that become my healing solid-making sense of self/character, my LIFE!

as they say in the program about the 4th step..."get er done!" lingering too long in the depths of 4th step can become navel-gazing...navel-gating instead of navigating your life!

Happy voyages ahead!!!

lesliej

I meant to say seven hours doing my 5th step...yep, I had breakfast AND lunch ready to have at my house for me and my sponsor...