So my girlfriend left me for a recovering addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 5
So my girlfriend left me for a recovering addict
This is no joke. She is a therapist, and he is a former client of hers.
He used to be a drug dealer, has 7 kids from 2 different women.
We've been together for 3 years, had plans to get married, have kids.. all of that. We weren't fighting or anything. But I had been delaying proposing to her (because I wanted to get a better job, instead of making 9/hr at retail) and she told me it was frustrating her. And apparently, this guy has promised her the world.
What she is doing is so unethical, and as a boyfriend, it broke my heart.
She is 25 and hes 31. Everyone is telling me their relationship is going to be a trainwreck. And that I shouldnt want to be with a person like her.
I keep telling her he's dangerous and that I can't believe she'd leave me and risk her carrer at the same time.
He's one of those guys who "gets whatever he wants from women" and it pisses me off that his "game" or whatever, has worked on her.
She broke up with me, I had to move out, and then a month later, she promised to stop talking to him. Then I find out a couple of days ago that she saw him(obviously, by sneaking around).
She is still 7-8 months away from "legally" being able to date him. There is a 2year rule.
He used to be a drug dealer, has 7 kids from 2 different women.
We've been together for 3 years, had plans to get married, have kids.. all of that. We weren't fighting or anything. But I had been delaying proposing to her (because I wanted to get a better job, instead of making 9/hr at retail) and she told me it was frustrating her. And apparently, this guy has promised her the world.
What she is doing is so unethical, and as a boyfriend, it broke my heart.
She is 25 and hes 31. Everyone is telling me their relationship is going to be a trainwreck. And that I shouldnt want to be with a person like her.
I keep telling her he's dangerous and that I can't believe she'd leave me and risk her carrer at the same time.
He's one of those guys who "gets whatever he wants from women" and it pisses me off that his "game" or whatever, has worked on her.
She broke up with me, I had to move out, and then a month later, she promised to stop talking to him. Then I find out a couple of days ago that she saw him(obviously, by sneaking around).
She is still 7-8 months away from "legally" being able to date him. There is a 2year rule.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Jimmy, I am sorry she hurt you and I agree, what she is doing doesn't make sense but life is like that sometimes and it's good to step back from people who do strange things.
You are worth so much more than all this, really you are. Maybe take some time to find your balance again and decide what YOU would like for your future and don't base it on what you think may make someone else happy.
You sound like a nice young man (I am old so young man is said respectfully) and one day soon you will see that living with someone as unstable as she is will only make you dizzy.
You have a long wonderful life ahead of you, live it in happiness, follow YOUR dreams, and know that bad days don't last forever.
Hugs
You are worth so much more than all this, really you are. Maybe take some time to find your balance again and decide what YOU would like for your future and don't base it on what you think may make someone else happy.
You sound like a nice young man (I am old so young man is said respectfully) and one day soon you will see that living with someone as unstable as she is will only make you dizzy.
You have a long wonderful life ahead of you, live it in happiness, follow YOUR dreams, and know that bad days don't last forever.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
It's hard to watch someone step into something like that, isn't it? She is going to learn her life lessons and I'm so sorry that you are being hurt in the process.
I believe that things happen sometimes that we don't understand and we go through these painful stages of life to learn something. For me, after a very bad marriage to an addict, I met someone who is a wonderful life partner. I had to go through that painful time to find him.
Take care of you.
Gentle hugs
ke
I believe that things happen sometimes that we don't understand and we go through these painful stages of life to learn something. For me, after a very bad marriage to an addict, I met someone who is a wonderful life partner. I had to go through that painful time to find him.
Take care of you.
Gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
whoaaahhh....
Anyone the "game" works on is going to disappoint you sooner or later. Aim higher. girls like that want to be with guys who treat them like crap. You're ALWAYS going to be the nice guy treating her like a queen and shes ALWAYS going to wish she was with an a-hole.
Give her what she wants and find a woman who expects to be treated how you know REAL women deserve to be treated. Dont worry about her more-than-probable trainwreck. I know its hard. That sucks, and im really sorry. But you are SO much better off. This is from a nice guy whos had girls leave him for the a-hole. Trust me, the story has a good ending if you write it that way.
The important thing is to decide now what to do when she says "im sorry i want you back" Cause you WILL be her backup if you allow yourself to be. PLEASE dont.
hang in there.
Anyone the "game" works on is going to disappoint you sooner or later. Aim higher. girls like that want to be with guys who treat them like crap. You're ALWAYS going to be the nice guy treating her like a queen and shes ALWAYS going to wish she was with an a-hole.
Give her what she wants and find a woman who expects to be treated how you know REAL women deserve to be treated. Dont worry about her more-than-probable trainwreck. I know its hard. That sucks, and im really sorry. But you are SO much better off. This is from a nice guy whos had girls leave him for the a-hole. Trust me, the story has a good ending if you write it that way.
The important thing is to decide now what to do when she says "im sorry i want you back" Cause you WILL be her backup if you allow yourself to be. PLEASE dont.
hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
She is an adult and has decided she does not want to be in a relationship with you. We can all appreciate this hurts , a lot.
The rest does not matter.
I am not aware of any law that has been broken, here. It's a professional ethics issue. She owns it.
The rest does not matter.
I am not aware of any law that has been broken, here. It's a professional ethics issue. She owns it.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Jimmy,
I'm really sorry to learn about this. You've been burned. Badly. And you have every right to be angry and hurt.
That being said...
You've learned something about her, and that is she does not have any idea of what healthy boundaries are. This is not the behavior of a well put together person. Please don't take this to be cold, but she did you a huge favor by doing this now. If you guys were married, then it would be far, far worse.
You're going to grieve. You're going to have a lot of very intense feelings that, at times, are going to be overwhelming. It's times like these we lean on those who love us: friends and family. And if you're spiritually inclined, ask God to help you shoulder the hurt and the pain. You will get through this. And if you need to talk, PM me any time.
Hang in there. Let the new guy deal with her.
Best,
ZoSo
I'm really sorry to learn about this. You've been burned. Badly. And you have every right to be angry and hurt.
That being said...
You've learned something about her, and that is she does not have any idea of what healthy boundaries are. This is not the behavior of a well put together person. Please don't take this to be cold, but she did you a huge favor by doing this now. If you guys were married, then it would be far, far worse.
You're going to grieve. You're going to have a lot of very intense feelings that, at times, are going to be overwhelming. It's times like these we lean on those who love us: friends and family. And if you're spiritually inclined, ask God to help you shoulder the hurt and the pain. You will get through this. And if you need to talk, PM me any time.
Hang in there. Let the new guy deal with her.
Best,
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The important thing is to decide now what to do when she says "im sorry i want you back" Cause you WILL be her backup if you allow yourself to be. PLEASE dont.
The excitement will turn to sh*t.
Obviously, she has some serious issues that she must deal with alone.
I am so sorry.
Take care of yourself, and please come back.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
i have found just for ME that the "house" in which my relationships reside has exit only doors....not revolving ones where people can keep going out and then coming back in willy nilly and when the mood suits them. no return admission, sorry!
(Wonderful quote,Anvilhead!)
(Wonderful quote,Anvilhead!)
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