lonelygirl24

I have known my boyfriend for a very long time. and about 4 years ago he was addicted to Xanax. so he says. We only recently started dating and he claimed to be clean. A few weeks after we had been dating he informs me is he prescribed Adderall. Then his story changed to he is prescribed Adderall but he gets it from a "friend" because its cheaper. He doesn't have insurance. I didnt really worry about it cause we really wernt that serious. Well one thing led to another and a month later I found out I am pregnant. I know how it looks and I am not really worried about that part at this point. At this point I honestly believe my babies daddy is addicted to Adderall and is abusing it. I dont know much but over the last month I have noticed a lot of things that bothered me. He hardly ever eats, and when he does eat its late at night and very little. Twice now he has had to buy it "off the street" because his "script" that he gets from his "friend" ran out! Which means he took more then normal! But to me if he is prescribed it if he ran out of what he got from his "friend" couldnt he then go fill his own prescription. Then there is the fact that he literally stays up all night and sleeps all day long. He also takes the pills throughout the day, I have heard thats more of a once a day pill. If taken in the morning it wont cause you to loose sleep. Well this weekend I discovered he is taking Xanax to go to sleep at night. He swears he is prescribed both these pills and that he isnt addicted to either one and if it will make me feel better he will stop taking the Xanax. I fear for his health and for my childs safety. He also drinks somewhere between half a case and a case of beer every single night. I cant imagine that taking Adderall all day long, then drinking all night and then taking Xanax around 3 and 4 in the morning is healthy. My next fear is that if I threaten him with leaving or not seeing the baby he will just hide it from me. What should I do???????

cc88

This reads worse and worse as it goes on...

I'm so sorry to hear it. Different people will most often tell you the same thing different ways here, so don't take it just from me, but you are dealing with an addict in full swing. You are very much being lied to, and you have been your entire relationship. Some will say that your relationship with the man you think you know exists in imagination only and you've been tricked the whole time. you are in for a very very difficult ride if you choose to stay with him and have your kid around him.

As far as your last sentence, Dont threaten. All a threat does is teach him "I will say things and not mean them, so please dont take me seriously" If it were me I would say "im leaving" and actually leave/ Addicts are not people you want around you, or especially your kid.

You didnt cause it, you cant control it, and you cant cure it. The "C" you can do is choose to be a part of it. But its not just about you anymore now its about your kid. Give him a chance at a full life and drop this guy.

My humble opinion. More will be along soon with better words than I have.

Hug

lesliej

a d d i c t

lonelygirl24

Thanks we had a 2 hour "talk" about it yesterday with him thinking he convinced me he isn't addicted.......unfortunately I felt the whole time it was a load of crap.........then again what if he really thinks he isn't addicted? could that be possible? Also to add to it, one of my friends that used to be "friends" with him back around 4 years ago said she was prescribed adderall and he was prescribed xanax they would trade. I cant be for sure but I think this is when he is claiming he was addicted to the Xanax........so everything is so contradicting.

beeswax

6 years ago, I was you.

Now I'm 26. I have 2 precious children. And I find myself trying to get them (and myself!) out of an extremely emotionally abusive marriage, and regretting pretty much every day they've spent with their AF. (That would be ADDICT FATHER.)

My mom told me before my oldest was born to get out of the relationship while I still could. And she's steadily counseled the same ever since. She was right.

The first time I posted on this forum, some of the posters told me things I didn't want, and wasn't ready, to hear. I was appalled that so many people would counsel me to turn tail and run from my marriage. I cried.

So I say this with that in mind. Very gently, I will caution you that as much as it hurts to walk away now, it will be just as hard to decide to leave in a month, a year.... a decade. And you will have spent that much of your life, and more importantly your child's life, investing everything you have in someone who has nothing to invest in either of you. The addiction. Takes. Everything. You can't love someone clean, you can't wish someone clean, you can't support someone clean... If you could, none of us would be here.

There is a tremendous amount of support here, and I draw strength from the posters here every single day. You've found a good community.

Now love yourself and your baby enough to put yourselves first.

lonelygirl24

as bad as I hate to say this, I am not sure it would really hurt me to walk away.........we have only been together 4 months, i am 13 weeks pregnant I was staying with him mostly for the baby's sake but now I am thinking since he is an addict it wouldnt be best I just mostly dont want to hurt him or his family. I know his family is so excited as this baby will be their first grandchild and before I was pregnant I was the "party girl" I smoked I drank and as soon as i took the positive test i dropped everything! I expected him to do the same. guess I realy dont know what its like to deal with a true addict :/ whats the best way to leave whats the best words to choose

beeswax

You can still maintain a relationship with his family for the baby if you want and you feel they're healthy people for your child to be around. My AB (I'm just surrounded by them! Or I was before I decided not to be... :-)) hasn't seen his daughter more than 2 times since she was born in December. But my mother, my other brother, my children and I still see her. Just know that option is there if you want it to be.

As far as what to say? That's up to you, hon. I would tell him that I refuse to get my life further enmeshed with someone who is so obviously on a long road of self-destruction. YMMV

cc88

I wouldnt worry too much about what specific words to say as much as that this is going to be a statement and not a conversation. They have a saying here that "no" is a complete sentence. I'd say "BYE" is a complete sentence. You dont owe an explanation, you dont owe it to anyone to listen, you dont need to do anything but whats right for you and your baby.

Conversation, sometimes even reading the subject line of an email, opens the door to more lying and manipulation. but it sounds like your feet are more on the ground than alot of people who are just finding out their loved ones are addicts. I know you dont want to hurt him or his family, but if its between that and giving your child a good life, its an easy choice, isnt it.

lonelygirl24

My birth control pill was recalled, I was trying to use protection, but it doesnt always work. It should def be an easy choice I just worry about it coming back and biting me in my butt. I worried maybe i was just being paranoid maybe adderall wasnt that big of a deal.........Y'all have been awesome help. I am glad I am part of this sight. I have a better look at what I need to do now.