LoveMeNow

My AH is back on suboxone and claims to feel terrible. Tonight is his ND meeting with an addiction therapist.

He has text me a few times today looking for support. EX - I am really struggling, I feel awful, My appt is @ 5:30, I need it.

And I gave him support. I replied back and gave him a few scriptures to read, told him he could beat this, and to take a brisk walk. I did not offer my services at all.

But I also did for me,, I ate right, I payed the bills (all but 3 and those are HIS) which I love to do, got my daughter the car speakers she wanted for graduation. I made a dentist appointment and will be going to an Al-anon meeting...to name a few.

He is great at manipulating me and I don't want to get fooled again. I still have hope (in some ways) but this time, he needs to walk the walk and not just talk it. He is NOT living here and will NOT be until I see real proof this time. Suboxone, tears, and a bunch of empty promises will not cut it.

Is giving him emotional support wrong?

Chino

I think you did great. If giving him emotional support didn't cause you negative consequences, to compromise your values, etc, then I don't think it's an issue.

LoveMeNow

Thank you Chino!! It really didn't! After one text, I did feel a little, tiny bit sorry for him and then said "OH NO YOU WONT" - then I truly let it go and didn't give it another thought.

I just need to be careful because that was a big trap and downfall for me in the past and he really knew how to get to me and pull at my heart!!

TMZ

You did good. I always ask myself what is in it for me? What is it going to cost me? Talk and moral support is fine it only takes a little time and it helps them too. Don't allow him to make you cross your boundaries.

Your right with them talking the talk, but working the steps you will know if he is or not.

Sending strength and prayers,

bluebelle

It is up to you what support you want to offer. You don't even have to respond to his text messages--if you don't want to. You can also encourage him to talk to the ED if he has any concerns. When my RABF was tapering off the Subs, he asked me some questions about it. I had to remember to tell him that he needed to discuss all of that with his psychiatrist.

It is fine that you offered him scriptures and suggested he take a walk. I'm just saying, that you don't even have to say this if you don't want to. You can turn it all back to him. Just say, "I know you know what you need to do. I have confidence in you." etc.

This is from my experience with my AM who doesn't want to make choices for herself. She has a tendency to want everybody else to handle her problems. So, I had to learn about turning ownership of her problems back to her.

EJG123

I think you did fine.

Ann

I used to feel just like that when I held a boundary with my son...I could hold the boundary and stand firm, and maybe it even went well...but then not long after I would feel guilty or question if I did the right thing.

I don't do that today with anyone. I know my values and my boundaries and can stand by them without caring what anyone thinks, even if i stand alone. How freeing that feeling is.

Hugs

washbe2

I am quite impressed with how you handled this. Can't imagine doing it any better.

I love the way Ann put it about "knowing your values and boundaries and standing by them...how freeing that is."

I'm feeling less guilty when I don't jump. My AS left me a voice mail this evening. "uh, you may need to come get G... (his dog). Somebody just tried to steal him and I may get in trouble." Didn't return call. Didn't respond. Not worrying.

You keep up the good work.

LoveMeNow

I decided to quit smoking today and went to the denist which was long past due. I feel good about taking time to care about me!

My AH. who is in withdrawl and is white knuckiling his way through, was looking for support and encouragement from me and it was all about him as usual. I found myself trying to control his choices, control his addiction. It was too late when I realized it and I prompty apologized. Old habits can die hard.

I fianally said....You have many choices, and you need to make them for yourself.

Later on, I got a text - he had just gone to his first meeting and is attending another one tonight. I told him I was happy for him.

But deep down, I have so many emotions. I want to be happy for me and the kids too but I know its way too early for that. I am anxious to see what he does next! So I am going to let all these thoughts and emotions go. I am going to live just for today and appreciate the many blessings I have in my life and thank God for them!!

Growing up isn't always easy! lol