Explain counseling/therapy to me
 

What should I look to get out of counseling? How do I know if I have a "good therapist"?

In my upbringing you didn't go to the doctor unless you had a broken leg or a gushing wound that duct tape couldn't heal. So this counseling thing is new and admittedly strange to me. I definitely have codependency issues that I need to work through in order to be a better person and a better mother. I have been reading all kinds of books and going to nar-anon/al-anon. My philosophy so far has been that if anyone is going to pay $125 for an hour long conversation it should be the therapist paying to talk to me! lol

But my outlook has changed recently as I know my AH's addiction has made lasting impressions on my children, and I feel inadequate to help them through it. I have made contact to schedule an intake appointment for myself and my two kids. I picked a facility that is close to home, deals with substance abuse and family issues, and has hours that suit our schedule.

I guess I'm nervous and am wondering what to expect. Also, how will I know if it's "working"?

Please pardon my ignorance, this is all new to me.

well...for one thing, maybe you could just surrender any weapons at the door and set aside any expectations...and trust in the process.

I say that with a really warm smile for you, and I swear, even a tear in my eye!! I just think about the healing that I have discovered in the therapy, counseling and support I have received. I was so so so fortunate to have discovered my therapist and my sponsor at the same time, and it was at a time of break through crisis and exhaustion.

Maybe the single most important thing that I discovered was a major shift in perspective.

we all have our narratives...how we see and tell the story of our life.
sometimes we get our own history wrong, especially those oh-so-very formative parts of our story from childhood.
for me it wasn't about putting blame on others as much as discovering that I had put blame on myself (in very destructive ways) that didn't "belong" to me

Oh, so excited for you to be taking this very exemplary step toward your own well being!
remember that a sponsor and fellowship also help with perspective and costs a coffee date!! my sponsor is a licensed CD counselor, and has had years of therapy herself...those of us in recovery rooms share insight, learning and growth!! are you in the fellowship?

I spent several years in therapy getting in touch with my feelings and learning why I felt the way I did, why I did the things I did. But it was my daughter's addiction that pushed me towards looking for change. I needed to change the way I looked at things and reacted to them. My current therapist is all about awareness, acceptance, and change.

I knew this different approach was working, when I felt uncomfortable following through with everything. Like he said, it's supposed to feel uncomfortable or you're not doing it right. Breaking old negative habits and thoughts aren't easy and shouldn't feel like it. It's a lot of hard work and it gets easier the more you do it. I'm so glad I made the effort and continue doing that.

Best wishes to you, and good for you taking this next step!

I think part of the purpose of therapy is to find healthier ways to look at situations that may pop up in our day-to-day life. And that often means challenging the way we tend to think.

A little background...I was diagnosed with a mood disorder 20 years ago. My first, long term "therapist" ended up being my mentor and closest confidant. We were together for 16 years until he passed in September 2010. His successor is someone that knew him well and has helped me with some very difficult times in my life over the past couple of years. She and I just "clicked". She's funny, irreverant, smart, wise, and was invaluable in helping with me deal with my AXGF.

So, I think, in order for therapy to help, you need to connect with the person...and you really need to be willing to work. In your case, I hope therapy will help you understand that you really need to take care of you. It's OK to be "selfish" in that manner. You have to get honest with yourself, too. Sometimes, that's painful. But, as they say in the program, here's another f**king opportunity for growth!!

Don't be frightened. It'll be OK.

ZoSo