AS in the 'ultimate rehab' of jail-should I just let go?
One of my main goals in my recovery from codependency has been and continues to be finding serenity and peace of mind in spite of what loved ones in my life are/aren't doing.
I also work hard at not telling people how they should/shouldn't feel because they have a right to their feelings, just as you or I do, yes?
Sending you hugs of support, Vaya.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
I could sleep at night knowing that: my phone wasn't going to ring with some crazy request for money or favor. I knew he was being fed and had a bed to sleep on. I didn't worry that he would OD.
Jail/prison in general isn't a safe place, true. Plenty of times, while in general population, my AXBF was using-anything he could get his hands on. Doing the same thing he did out here: asking friends and loved ones for money for food and phone calls, but would trade for drugs. It was no different.
Sometimes jail IS a wake-up call. For others, it's not.
For me, it was a vacation each time he went away BECAUSE, he just went away. I didn't have to face my own addiction: codependency.
Hi Vaya
Well, I sure can relate to trying to "rescue" your son. I did that for 35 years. It didn't help him and it sure didn't help me. In the end I found by my continuing to rescue him I just postponed the inevitable. In the end he went to jail then to prison. Not once, but many times.
When he was in jail/prison, I found myself under less stress because I knew where he was and knew he was safer there than when he was on the streets.
I vote for letting the chips fall where they may. I would certainly not lift one finger to help change God's plans. What is going to happen will happen no matter how hard you try to change the outcome.
Although I agree with dgillz, that there are drugs in jail, it doesn't mean they have to use them. Just as drugs are in jail, I'm sure if you want to do them you can do them in a rehab too. My son was in two rehabs. The first was horrible, with lots of abuse going on, the second was wonderful. It was in this rehab that he began to "heal!"
Jail/prison is not a rehab for sure, but again it's all about choices! If they are ready to get clean, it won't matter where they are they will do it.
Again, I vote for letting the chips fall where they may.
Hugs, Devastated
Well, I sure can relate to trying to "rescue" your son. I did that for 35 years. It didn't help him and it sure didn't help me. In the end I found by my continuing to rescue him I just postponed the inevitable. In the end he went to jail then to prison. Not once, but many times.
When he was in jail/prison, I found myself under less stress because I knew where he was and knew he was safer there than when he was on the streets.
I vote for letting the chips fall where they may. I would certainly not lift one finger to help change God's plans. What is going to happen will happen no matter how hard you try to change the outcome.
Although I agree with dgillz, that there are drugs in jail, it doesn't mean they have to use them. Just as drugs are in jail, I'm sure if you want to do them you can do them in a rehab too. My son was in two rehabs. The first was horrible, with lots of abuse going on, the second was wonderful. It was in this rehab that he began to "heal!"
Jail/prison is not a rehab for sure, but again it's all about choices! If they are ready to get clean, it won't matter where they are they will do it.
Again, I vote for letting the chips fall where they may.
Hugs, Devastated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you all for your viewpoints and experiences. I did put the rehab option on the table, but it's not going to happen, since he already accepted a plea bargain and was sentenced. I thought there was a chance at the probation hearing next week.
Now my son has accepted what he has to accept. I was so worried for him. Then he explained that he's done that much time before when he was waiting for a rehab. So I know he'll manage. He is looking into options such as groups/education while he's there.
I am staying out of the way now. I have to keep from suggesting anything and let him find his own way. It wouldn't matter what I say anyway. He's got 7+ months to reflect and hopefully he'll want to change the patterns of self medicating.
Turns out he found out he's been exposed to Hep C recently. Goes back for more bloodwork in 2 weeks. He did advise I throw out toothbrushes & razors he used so his brother and I wouldn't be affected. Naturally I pray he'll recover and not develop severe symptoms. It is possible, especially now that he can't use or drink or starve himself. I'm still in shock that he was that stupid this last time to share needles, when there are plenty of place that supply clean ones for free under 'harm reduction' policies.
I pray he will come to his senses. I pray he will realize the devastation his choices have and can have on his life. I pray he has the courage to live clean and do something meaningful with his life.
Now my son has accepted what he has to accept. I was so worried for him. Then he explained that he's done that much time before when he was waiting for a rehab. So I know he'll manage. He is looking into options such as groups/education while he's there.
I am staying out of the way now. I have to keep from suggesting anything and let him find his own way. It wouldn't matter what I say anyway. He's got 7+ months to reflect and hopefully he'll want to change the patterns of self medicating.
Turns out he found out he's been exposed to Hep C recently. Goes back for more bloodwork in 2 weeks. He did advise I throw out toothbrushes & razors he used so his brother and I wouldn't be affected. Naturally I pray he'll recover and not develop severe symptoms. It is possible, especially now that he can't use or drink or starve himself. I'm still in shock that he was that stupid this last time to share needles, when there are plenty of place that supply clean ones for free under 'harm reduction' policies.
I pray he will come to his senses. I pray he will realize the devastation his choices have and can have on his life. I pray he has the courage to live clean and do something meaningful with his life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
I also wanted to say that coming to terms with the fact that he has been exposed to Hep C really helps me see how his choices and behavior can impact my younger son's and my life in very serious ways! Now, if he stays with me after he gets out, there will be extremely strong boundaries and consequences if he uses. REalizing that this could have adverse health effects on us makes me able to send him out and not wait around hoping he'll change.
vaya,
My AD also has Hep C, and it was pretty sobering to learn of that.
You sound good and while it's very hard to deal with, we can't let these adult children run our lives with their issues - even though we want to fix everything, we can't and have to let go. I'm glad you posted. Hugs.
My AD also has Hep C, and it was pretty sobering to learn of that.
You sound good and while it's very hard to deal with, we can't let these adult children run our lives with their issues - even though we want to fix everything, we can't and have to let go. I'm glad you posted. Hugs.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Burlington VT
Posts: 13
STOP. BREATH. RELAX.
Do not REACT. you are not a cat backed into a corner. You are a strong women. Take some time to think and ACT. It will work itself out. Chances are he is telling you what you want to hear, however he probably does not know that.
He is living in a state of delusion, and when humans are delusional we do not know it.
Breath and be patient. Let it play out for a week or so.
PM me if you want to talk more.
Do not REACT. you are not a cat backed into a corner. You are a strong women. Take some time to think and ACT. It will work itself out. Chances are he is telling you what you want to hear, however he probably does not know that.
He is living in a state of delusion, and when humans are delusional we do not know it.
Breath and be patient. Let it play out for a week or so.
PM me if you want to talk more.
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