Pill addiction... NEED ADVICE PLEASE!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Lehi
Posts: 2
Pill addiction... NEED ADVICE PLEASE!
My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years. In the beginning of the relationship it was great, he was perfect for me. We dated for 2 and a half years before deciding to move in together. About 6 months into our relationship I found out about his prescription pills. I am a former drug addict who decided to quit 3 months before our relationship started. I knew about drug addiction of course but he assured me that he was not addicted and I believed him because I didn't see addict behavior in him. His prescriptions are lexapro, clonzapam and dexedrine. Dexedrine being the one with abuse problems.
It all started when we moved in together that I started noticing habits of his changing and sleep was becoming a thing of the past for him, still I kept trucking. We moved out of state with his brother and I started noticing increasingly worse behavior. He would disappear all hours of the night, I would wake up and he would just be completely gone. He started withdrawing from me socially, sexually, anything you name it. It was like we were running 2 different lives and me being the one left behind. With no friends or family in the state to speak of other than his mother and brother (I have an extremely close with relationship with his brother) I was alone.
Needless to say I got a call one morning at about 5am and it was my husband, he was in jail. He had been arrested for DUI on his prescription medication. I bailed him out reluctantly when I really just wanted to leave him there. Nothing changed he felt and still feels his arrest was not his fault. A little over a month later BAM another DUI for the same medication and that again he felt was not his fault. He had been reported by a local walgreens for filling a prescription at several different locations before they were up to be filled, they had him marked in their system. Little did I know his nightly trips were going to emergency wards and doctor shopping to get the medication that he had gone from taking 6 a day to taking 18 a day!
I was still naive but me and his family got together and gave him an "intervention". He did stop taking the dexedrine for several months and we got married and I thought this was going to be it. But 20 mins before I walked down the aisle there on our doorstep I found a dexedrine. It was like a sign I swear for me to not get married. Although I couldn't help but think of all the friends and family sitting in their seats waiting for me to walk down the aisle. My husband was already at the altar so there was no confronting, I sucked up my tears and married him. We talked about it and he said he just could not function without it and he promised it wouldn't be like it was before. He did quit doctor shopping because he was unable to do it anymore since he had been flagged, but instead he started sleeping the days he didn't have it rather than taking it as directed. So that is how my life has been. Since then 2 weeks out of the month he is a somewhat functional being then the rest of the month he sleeps through his withdrawals. He lost his job and hasn't worked in over a year he just expects me to pay for everything or that someone in our family will just help us out. I am a full time student and I do not work. I did work but then I decided I am not going to continue to support him while he lays around and does nothing. He claims I don't understand that he just cannot function without them. I just do not know what to do. I think I am still holding on to the hope that he can go back to the guy I fell in love with the guy without the drug problem. We have horrible fights over his medication there is tense conflict in the family because he is not working and the fact that he abuses them. His mother kind of skirts over the addiction like it's not really an addiction, she hardly sees him though, and his brother knows he has a drug problem and they will talk about it but my brother in law just winds up asking my husband for some when he is "tired" and needs energy.
I feel like I am drowning in debt, bills are piling up and he refuses to look for a job because he has no "motivation" but yet he can get up and go hang with friends and spend money like crazy. When I try to put a limit on his spending he acts like I am crazy and controlling and I just feel like I am always the one that is wrong and that I am actually crazy, but I can't really be can I?
I am just at a loss I don't know if I can ever get him to seek medical help. All is see is this wonderful guy who is being completely controlled by his medicine that he can just keep getting from a doctor! The 2 weeks out of the month that he does not take them and after he comes out of the first few days on the withdrawals he is back to that wonderful, funny, loving guy that I fell in love with, then the cycle happens all over again. I don't know how to convince him that he is a great guy without them. I do understand that quitting drugs are hard. I know for me it was hard but I did it for my family cause I could see how I was effecting everyone in my family I just wanted out. Now I look back and think I was just an utter fool and would never go back to that person I was. Why can't he feel the same way, be the same way?
Sorry I know that was very long and I don't even know if I am placing this in the right forum. If you made it this through my story, Thank You! Also I do know my husband does have legitimate problems like depression and anxiety but I think he was just misdiagnosed with ADD, his regular behavior does not scream ADD to me.
Earlier I forgot to add is that he lies about everything! That right there screams a drug addict to me. I catch him in the stupidest lies all the time, I mean like daily lies. He never used to be this way. He just keeps picking up all these bad habits that come along with addiction more and more. I don't believe anything he says even down to when I ask him if he fed the dogs or not!
It all started when we moved in together that I started noticing habits of his changing and sleep was becoming a thing of the past for him, still I kept trucking. We moved out of state with his brother and I started noticing increasingly worse behavior. He would disappear all hours of the night, I would wake up and he would just be completely gone. He started withdrawing from me socially, sexually, anything you name it. It was like we were running 2 different lives and me being the one left behind. With no friends or family in the state to speak of other than his mother and brother (I have an extremely close with relationship with his brother) I was alone.
Needless to say I got a call one morning at about 5am and it was my husband, he was in jail. He had been arrested for DUI on his prescription medication. I bailed him out reluctantly when I really just wanted to leave him there. Nothing changed he felt and still feels his arrest was not his fault. A little over a month later BAM another DUI for the same medication and that again he felt was not his fault. He had been reported by a local walgreens for filling a prescription at several different locations before they were up to be filled, they had him marked in their system. Little did I know his nightly trips were going to emergency wards and doctor shopping to get the medication that he had gone from taking 6 a day to taking 18 a day!
I was still naive but me and his family got together and gave him an "intervention". He did stop taking the dexedrine for several months and we got married and I thought this was going to be it. But 20 mins before I walked down the aisle there on our doorstep I found a dexedrine. It was like a sign I swear for me to not get married. Although I couldn't help but think of all the friends and family sitting in their seats waiting for me to walk down the aisle. My husband was already at the altar so there was no confronting, I sucked up my tears and married him. We talked about it and he said he just could not function without it and he promised it wouldn't be like it was before. He did quit doctor shopping because he was unable to do it anymore since he had been flagged, but instead he started sleeping the days he didn't have it rather than taking it as directed. So that is how my life has been. Since then 2 weeks out of the month he is a somewhat functional being then the rest of the month he sleeps through his withdrawals. He lost his job and hasn't worked in over a year he just expects me to pay for everything or that someone in our family will just help us out. I am a full time student and I do not work. I did work but then I decided I am not going to continue to support him while he lays around and does nothing. He claims I don't understand that he just cannot function without them. I just do not know what to do. I think I am still holding on to the hope that he can go back to the guy I fell in love with the guy without the drug problem. We have horrible fights over his medication there is tense conflict in the family because he is not working and the fact that he abuses them. His mother kind of skirts over the addiction like it's not really an addiction, she hardly sees him though, and his brother knows he has a drug problem and they will talk about it but my brother in law just winds up asking my husband for some when he is "tired" and needs energy.
I feel like I am drowning in debt, bills are piling up and he refuses to look for a job because he has no "motivation" but yet he can get up and go hang with friends and spend money like crazy. When I try to put a limit on his spending he acts like I am crazy and controlling and I just feel like I am always the one that is wrong and that I am actually crazy, but I can't really be can I?
I am just at a loss I don't know if I can ever get him to seek medical help. All is see is this wonderful guy who is being completely controlled by his medicine that he can just keep getting from a doctor! The 2 weeks out of the month that he does not take them and after he comes out of the first few days on the withdrawals he is back to that wonderful, funny, loving guy that I fell in love with, then the cycle happens all over again. I don't know how to convince him that he is a great guy without them. I do understand that quitting drugs are hard. I know for me it was hard but I did it for my family cause I could see how I was effecting everyone in my family I just wanted out. Now I look back and think I was just an utter fool and would never go back to that person I was. Why can't he feel the same way, be the same way?
Sorry I know that was very long and I don't even know if I am placing this in the right forum. If you made it this through my story, Thank You! Also I do know my husband does have legitimate problems like depression and anxiety but I think he was just misdiagnosed with ADD, his regular behavior does not scream ADD to me.
Earlier I forgot to add is that he lies about everything! That right there screams a drug addict to me. I catch him in the stupidest lies all the time, I mean like daily lies. He never used to be this way. He just keeps picking up all these bad habits that come along with addiction more and more. I don't believe anything he says even down to when I ask him if he fed the dogs or not!
Last edited by drowning123; 04-22-2012 at 02:41 PM. Reason: Forgot to add something
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Welcome to SR.
My RABF is in recovery from pills--his DOC was pain pills. We went through the years of him lying, doctor shopping, and denial about his problem.
Where is your AH getting the money for the drugs and doctor visits? If he is not working, I assume that means that he gets the money from you and the family?
You can't just talk your AH out of drug addiction. Yelling doesn't work, either. You can see that it is harming him, but no begging or pleeading will do anything. I know that because of what I've learned at SR, from books, and from my experience.
It sounds like your husband is still not stopping even though he has had legal trouble. The lying is part of addiction. My RABF lied all the time--even about stuff that didn't matter. I would suggest that you do not bail your husband out of jail again. I would also not give him any money.
There are a lot of experienced people on this site you can help you. In the meantime, have you looked at the stickies on the top of the forum? There is a lot of good information there.
My RABF is in recovery from pills--his DOC was pain pills. We went through the years of him lying, doctor shopping, and denial about his problem.
Where is your AH getting the money for the drugs and doctor visits? If he is not working, I assume that means that he gets the money from you and the family?
You can't just talk your AH out of drug addiction. Yelling doesn't work, either. You can see that it is harming him, but no begging or pleeading will do anything. I know that because of what I've learned at SR, from books, and from my experience.
It sounds like your husband is still not stopping even though he has had legal trouble. The lying is part of addiction. My RABF lied all the time--even about stuff that didn't matter. I would suggest that you do not bail your husband out of jail again. I would also not give him any money.
There are a lot of experienced people on this site you can help you. In the meantime, have you looked at the stickies on the top of the forum? There is a lot of good information there.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Well, this is one of those scratch my head posts...you knew he was an addict and you still married him, he is still an active user and you continue to stay...and...neither of you work...What kind of a future do either of you have?
Unless he gets clean and embraces a strong recovery for life nothing will change, he will be an addict all his life...it is just a matter of whether he is clean and working a strong program that's it...there is no cure for his disease.
Are you going to meetings? Have you read Codependent No More?
If you work and make a life for yourself it doesn't mean that you have to support him, that is your choice.
Unless he gets clean and embraces a strong recovery for life nothing will change, he will be an addict all his life...it is just a matter of whether he is clean and working a strong program that's it...there is no cure for his disease.
Are you going to meetings? Have you read Codependent No More?
If you work and make a life for yourself it doesn't mean that you have to support him, that is your choice.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I have really found strength and so much helpful information here. The 3 Al-anon meetings I have attended gave me some sanity and strength as well. I am still reading Co-dependent No More and it is a hard read for me at this point. I am sure it is something I will need to read several times.
Waking up to my denial was painful, but a necessity!! Change is good thing!
Waking up to my denial was painful, but a necessity!! Change is good thing!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR...and yes....you posted in the right forum.
We all hold on to the memories of the people the A's in our life were before addiction. That's fairly typical. Unfortunately, they aren't.....drugs change people. And it's sad.
The fact that you came to this forum and laid your life out shows that you know that this has gotten out of control. We don't usually start looking for help until the evidence starts really piling up. It's an early sign that we are ready for change.
Change can be a slow process.....and that's ok. Some folks around here will state it like they see it. Others will be gentle and nudge you towards a more positive life. But ultimately you get to choose what to do.
Stick around. Read. Vent. Ask questions. We're very big on self care around here. When we take care of ourselves first, changes begin to happen naturally.
gentle hugs
ke
We all hold on to the memories of the people the A's in our life were before addiction. That's fairly typical. Unfortunately, they aren't.....drugs change people. And it's sad.
The fact that you came to this forum and laid your life out shows that you know that this has gotten out of control. We don't usually start looking for help until the evidence starts really piling up. It's an early sign that we are ready for change.
Change can be a slow process.....and that's ok. Some folks around here will state it like they see it. Others will be gentle and nudge you towards a more positive life. But ultimately you get to choose what to do.
Stick around. Read. Vent. Ask questions. We're very big on self care around here. When we take care of ourselves first, changes begin to happen naturally.
gentle hugs
ke
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Awesome post Anvilhead! It's hard to stay in denial with you are around!
Best thing you ever said to me was "GROW UP." I so want to thank you for that..although I hated it at the time. lol It was the "WAKE UP" slap in the face I needed.
I may need to hear again a few more times during this process and I welcome it!
Drownin123, your soul, your spirit, your self esteem and self respect will drown if you don't start waking up, growing up and make the needed changes. Little changes will lead to bigger ones. And I finally realized, if I honestly loved him as much as I say I do......then I couldn't possibly watch him kill himself slowly. My "love" was really selfish and that was hard for me to realize!!
I still have hope (in some ways) that he will get clean and work a program. But I really like this focusing on ME part. It's awesome, try it!! You will not regret it!!
Best thing you ever said to me was "GROW UP." I so want to thank you for that..although I hated it at the time. lol It was the "WAKE UP" slap in the face I needed.
I may need to hear again a few more times during this process and I welcome it!
Drownin123, your soul, your spirit, your self esteem and self respect will drown if you don't start waking up, growing up and make the needed changes. Little changes will lead to bigger ones. And I finally realized, if I honestly loved him as much as I say I do......then I couldn't possibly watch him kill himself slowly. My "love" was really selfish and that was hard for me to realize!!
I still have hope (in some ways) that he will get clean and work a program. But I really like this focusing on ME part. It's awesome, try it!! You will not regret it!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Anvilhead helped me out a while back too.
Good,solid,on point,and yes--sometimes painful.
Of all the posters on here,perhaps Anvil best codifies
the "say what you mean/mean what you say/but DON'T say
it MEAN" mantra that makes SR the tremendous resource it is.
Good,solid,on point,and yes--sometimes painful.
Of all the posters on here,perhaps Anvil best codifies
the "say what you mean/mean what you say/but DON'T say
it MEAN" mantra that makes SR the tremendous resource it is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Lehi
Posts: 2
Ok a lot to answer here. First thing is that he receives money from his late father once a month, this money also covers his medical insurance and prescription insurance and our rent. So that's how he does that and that is his money that I have no control over. Secondly I don't work because I am a full time university student and my past job wouldn't work around my school hours and he himself needs to work. We have other sources of income even though we both don't work.
I guess I didn't consider it a drug problem in the beginning when he was taking the prescribed dosage and wasn't doctor shopping or filling early. I don't think everyone who takes medication becomes addicted.
I have not read any of those books and have never even been to a meeting. I live in a very religious community and would probably be shocked if we did have these programs available. I would be interested in reading co-dependent no more.... I was young when I married him and young when we got together I don't think I was even old enough to realize what kind of person he is, I just knew I loved him. I was naive and clearly still am, I just know now that I want something different for my life!
I guess I didn't consider it a drug problem in the beginning when he was taking the prescribed dosage and wasn't doctor shopping or filling early. I don't think everyone who takes medication becomes addicted.
I have not read any of those books and have never even been to a meeting. I live in a very religious community and would probably be shocked if we did have these programs available. I would be interested in reading co-dependent no more.... I was young when I married him and young when we got together I don't think I was even old enough to realize what kind of person he is, I just knew I loved him. I was naive and clearly still am, I just know now that I want something different for my life!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Drowning, I had to ask myself some very hard questions!
If he wanted help, how quickly could I find a meeting for him?
If he wanted to go to a meeting with me, how fast would I drop everything else to go?
Why was I willing to help him but not myself??
I thought HE was the problem, the roadblock to my happiness, I thought HIS drugs were the problem. I had no idea I had a problem. Getting him to "stop" was not that hard in the beginning, getting him to want recovery is still a battle.
I have just recently accepted, while yes he is an addict, I also have a problem, a big problem. I have NO control over his, I can only fix mine. Your worth fixing! So just do it. No excuses....just do it!!
If he wanted help, how quickly could I find a meeting for him?
If he wanted to go to a meeting with me, how fast would I drop everything else to go?
Why was I willing to help him but not myself??
I thought HE was the problem, the roadblock to my happiness, I thought HIS drugs were the problem. I had no idea I had a problem. Getting him to "stop" was not that hard in the beginning, getting him to want recovery is still a battle.
I have just recently accepted, while yes he is an addict, I also have a problem, a big problem. I have NO control over his, I can only fix mine. Your worth fixing! So just do it. No excuses....just do it!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
