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I have finally reported to CPS.

Old 04-21-2012, 10:20 PM
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I have finally reported to CPS.

In desperation I rang a sexual assault counsellor a few days ago. I told the woman about my brother's sexual proclivities. To recap, he likes women who look like 'girls' but they have to be on the Pill so they look 3 mo pregnant as well. (WTF?) He talks perversely about certain underage girls and 'waits' for them to reach age of consent. He confessed to being addicted to internet porn at some time in his life. He accidentally downloaded kiddie porn once and harboured extreme guilt and fear of being caught because of it. He has several male friends who enjoy the same indulgences. I once witnessed a conversation in his ute while I was wedged between him and a disgusting old man which included the subject of pedophilia. The old man said that some men have those 'urges' and can't help themselves. I didn't bother arguing with him, preferring to remain silent for my own safety.

Anyway, this woman said that just talking about such things doesn't mean that they are being practised. I disagree. I felt like my claims were not valid. I then told her about the drugs, how all of the children of these people are living in a 'hotbox' of cannabis smoke and the fact that, on one occasion, I saw my brother pass dope seeds to his 5 yo daughter while he was rolling a joint. She ate them. I suspected that this happens frequently. He gave me a sleazy look of fake disapproval and I pretended to brush it off because I was scared to say anything in defense of this little girl.

On that account,the counsellor said to definitely report it and offered to do it herself as she is a social worker. I accepted her offer and gave her as many details as I could. It is now in the system and was informed that it will take several weeks to 'process' before investigation.

I also reported many people, including my brother, to the police regarding massive drug crops. Both reports were anonymous.

Now I'm worried for me. I very much doubt that he will suspect me as I have been scoring pot from him now and again which is the only basis of contact that we have had in months. Pot helped me to lay of the booze and now I have laid off the pot. However, I feel like I should score one more small deal from him just to keep my tracks covered if that makes any sense. It gives him a sense of control knowing that I depend on him for pot and as much as that control has hurt me over and over, I see it as a convenience in this case.

When he does get busted/investigated he might mention it to me. Another thing that concerns me is that I might have been the only person who has witnessed the feeding of seeds.

What should I say? How awful it must be for him? How I will have to find another supplier? Play the game, as it were?

Other than this concern, I feel no remorse whatsoever for what I have done. It was with the encouragement of people on SR that I have finally gone ahead and reported it. My neice and her 15 yo brother deserve better and my suspicions about child sexual abuse still stand strong even if the counsellor thinks otherwise.
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Old 04-22-2012, 04:50 AM
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I'm sorry for your story, but this just seems like way to much work..the planning, the plotting, the execution. If I were you, I'd leave it as you have done so far because that was the correct thing to do. Nothing else good comes from what you will do in the future. Would you like to be purchasing your one last score to keep your brother off balance while he may be under surveillance? As I said, way to much work. And I am an alcoholic who speaks of great experience in the planning, plotting, and execution departments with nothing to show out of it except heartache.
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Old 04-22-2012, 05:59 AM
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Ann
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My thoughts are that you have done the right thing, you have been the voice of that little girl and perhaps others who could not speak out, and now let it go and move on to better days ahead for you.

Living in fear can make us crazy, I know because I lived in fear for years.

If you need to move to keep yourself safe, then move. Your relationship with your brother sounds toxic and dangerous so there is no need to stay around.

If you need to seek out safety, call a women's shelter, they can offer help and suggestions even if you do not go there.

Hugs
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Old 04-22-2012, 09:12 AM
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I agree with the others above. You have set the wheels in motion to protect the innocent. Now is a good time to let go and begin taking care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
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Old 04-22-2012, 10:28 AM
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you have done what u should have done. let it go, relax,u did the right thing. hugs & prayers,
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Old 04-22-2012, 06:30 PM
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Thanks everybody! There is no way he could ever detect me anyway. Gee, I worry too much.
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