To Leave or Stay?
 

The age old question revisited:



SHOULD I STAY OR LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP?

INSTRUCTIONS: Answer the following questions logically and unemotionally.

1. Why am I still in this relationship?

2. If the Addict is in recovery, are they making visible and sufficient progress, or do their actions contradict their words?

3. Does the Addict take more away from the table than he/she brings? If so, do I have compelling reasons to remain with someone who brings so much trouble to my life and my children's life?

4. If I do have compelling reasons to remain, are these reasons truly compelling and relevant, or am I still in denial and refusing to accept "What is"?

5. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I stay in this relationship?

5A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children's life be like in ten years if I keep them in this relationship?

6. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my life be like in ten years if I leave this relationship?

6A. Assuming my spouse/partner does not recover fully, what will my children's life be like in ten years if I remove them from this relationship?

7. Whether my decision is to stay or leave, in the future when I am on my deathbed and reviewing my life, will I wish that I had made a different decision?

There are thousands of posts about lying, cheating, stealing, manipulating, verbal abuse, physical abuse, DUI, totaled cars, lack of child support, incarceration, foreclosre, bankruptcy and more.

How does the " because he/she is addict" excuse and make this behavior acceptable?

Outtolunch I love that. Drugs don't create an abuser out of thin air. Even on MMT my ex is still all the awful things he was while using. Abstinence isn't a magic fix all.

"How does the " because he/she is addict" excuse and make this behavior acceptable?

To me, it doesn't.

Outtolunch I love that. Drugs don't create an abuser out of thin air. Even on MMT my ex is still all the awful things he was while using. Abstinence isn't a magic fix all.

I stayed…
We were sick together, we did that really good. And we got healthy together, well separately but then together became possible in the willingness to learn about ourselves and take a chance on change.
You know once you find that living part of life, not just existing, it’s not so easy to throw away for any reason.
I have no regrets to date and I wouldn’t go back to change anything in my life, anything at all. It’s all too important.

I highly doubt I would have stayed if he didn’t get healthy too because I was getting healthy working on me and changing for the better. Anyone can run from this, but anyone who does run isn’t guaranteed they will be ok, therefore giving their children a chance. I know more people who split frustrated, angry, fed up that the addict in their life just couldn’t get it and stop using for them and the children and they didn’t get well cause obviously … it is all the addicts fault. Telling someone to leave to save their kids isn’t going to save the kids if the parent who left doesn’t get help and work on them. Yes you can remove immediate danger and abuse if present but the parent who left isn’t going to get magically well. They will be sick and stay sick until they work on them and that will effect how healthy they raise their children. Look around a lot of repeat offenders, bad relationship after bad relationship ...

And the assumptions based on another’s life, if questions are to be posed then it should be where do you see yourself in 10 years based on YOUR choices because ultimately we are responsible for our own actions and will be the sole blame if our life isn't as we hoped and wished it would be and will bare responsibility for the health of our children.
Do you feel your choices have been healthy and based on the best interest of you and your children. Where do you see your children based on your choices to date now and in the future…
This must be about us, totally, no where should anyone watching be looking at the addict in their lives. That is where the confusion and internal fight back and forth comes from. They should be looking at how they feel, if they don’t feel good, if they don’t like what they have become, or how their life is for them and their kids, then they have to make the choice to do something about it.