lesliej

oh yeah...forgot to put in that anger part...

peace fills in...after the healthy anger gets our boundaries up where they should be!

LoveMeNow

LOL, TY Leslie! I really don't think I am having healthy anger (LOL). I broke my own contact rule and allowed myself to be manipulated by him.

I am financially dependent on him right now and he loves that control over me. He was suppose to put money in my account but never did, knowing I would call him....and I took the bait!

Little does he know, tomorrow I am seeing a divorce lawyer, and it would have been so nice to use HIS money to pay for it.

We engaged in a battle of words and he is "NEVER going to forgive me for turning his kids against him." hahahaha Yeah, because he was up for father of the year award.

I honestly do try to make the kids understand he is "sick" but they aren't buying that. They are in their teens and have a mind of there own. Deep down they do love him very much but this is painful for them as well. They have already experienced addiction and loss with their biomom and how dare he put them through this again!!!!

Both my kids are getting counseling and "appear" to being doing ok. They both have told me how proud they are of me for making this move. I have apologized for not doing it sooner (its been 3.5 -4 yrs...that I know of) and explained that fear, weakness and my desire to keep my "marraige" and family together prevented me from making rational decisions. Right now, they are my strength. They are the reason I am going to make it through this. I need to be a better role model and have promised myself..........I WILL make them proud of me!!!

I know now God had a purpose for this marriage and it was so my kids could have a PARENT that didn't use drugs or alcohol. So that they could be loved unconditionally and know someone would always be "there" for them and no matter what...I have always been that person.

They are my blessings and I will forever be thankful that they call me MOM.

LoveMeNow

I have been financially dependent on my AH although I helped start the business. Later, I became an at home mom and was caring for my terminally ill mother.

Today, he has decided to cut me off.

He isn't going to support us any longer if we aren't going to support his "fake" attempts at recovery. He isn't going to be used. pot/kettle lol And he really hates the no contact rule.

So I told him "thank you, you just released me from the only control you have left."

We are going to get our own cell phones and get our own car insurance policy because he wont pay any of these anyway and not because he can't afford it. It's part of his addict personality.

Anyway, he has his home office phone forwarded to his cell phone. It would be easy to deactivate the call forwarding and would be kind of fun to change his message to something like "Hi, you have reached AH's office, I am sorry I am unavailable at the moment because I am too busy buying drugs and screwing over my family." lol

I am torn about taking the high road, being a door mat or fighting back.

LoveMeNow

I am such a liar and such a hypocrite. I know what to do, what not to do, what to say and what NEEDS to be done. But I can not find the strength to do it. Most of the time, I just don't want to do it!!!!

He is not the only weak, lying manipulator in this marriage...........ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

KelleyF

If you don't want to do it (whatever it is) maybe your just not ready yet.
Maybe there is some other option you still hope to find?

bluebelle

You do have the strength!!! Just put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. Even though you may not feel the strength, it is there.