he's finally seeking counseling.
 

for those of you who know my story, thanks for listening. for those who don't, in as few words as possible I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, since early high school. in December he revealed his addicted to heroin and went to detox for three days..since then he has been clean and sober. he has mentione counseling many tomes, but i think was scared to go. he is finally after 4 months enrolling in counseling to try and deal with his demons, which I'm extremely proud of. problem is, he is shitting me out. I have read countless posts about that being the best for a recovering addict, so they can focus solely on recovery..but after 6 years with someone that is soooo difficult. Im just not sure how to be there or continue bein his girlfriend if he isnt going to allow me to be there..says he still wants to be together, but needs some time && space. I'm starting my own set of counseling and have ordered three books to read, it just feels like so much going on and I'm beginning to lose strength. thanks again or listening.

Good morning! Just wanted to say I understand and you are not alone! My husband just returned from rehabilitation a few weeks ago and I often feel like he has some sort of hidden recovery secret that I am not a part of. But, in my own counseling, I am beginning to see that is healthy and he does need to focus solely on himself. If he chooses to share things with me later, that is great to but at the end of the day, his recovery is his and mine is mine. Try not to be offended and let him work it out. Be glad he is there now as opposed to using and denying there is a problem. That's a much scarier place than where you are now, you know? Hugs!!!!!!

here is an update on the situation, some things I have before left out. his mom is an alcoholic who refuses to get help and thinks she has no problem..even after making empty promises to my boyfriend that she would quit. it only depletes confidence in himself when his own mother can't commit to her word, && worst of all..that's who he lives with currently. the next part is that he is a rock band..and plays shows at run down clubs and bars locally, his band mates are good people, except for the smoking pot, which my boyfriend still does. i feel like that's something my boyfriend shouldn't be doing because if one drug is excusable, whose to say another won't be as well. I'm worried for him to be in that environment. it also know its his decision to make, just needed to vent it out. i will say that he has been faithfully attending his counseling and has even shared with me a little bit. I just feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster of ups an downs..and I want the ride to stop. =\ thank you all for listening. <3

Everything I've said about weed on here, I don't think anyone would disagree on one point: for an addict, smoking weed is NOT active recovery. Its going to lead back to his doc if it hasn't already. A characteristic of TRUE recovery is someone making their old life fit the program, not the other way around. I.e. when my brother got home (the 1st/semi successful time) he didn't make sobriety fit with his old job, friends, girlfriend, etc. He made his life fit with the program. Hung out with new drug free people, at new drug free places, and worked a new drug free job, etc.

To me, it looks like he wants it, but not bad enough. Not bad enough to say "I can't do it my way, I'm going to start my life from scratch cause its worth it." and personally, that's the only way i've seen it work. and even then...

I may be wrong. This is my humble opinion. Good luck.

The roller coaster will stop when you're truly ready. Sometimes it takes a lot to get to the point that enough is enough. And no one can tell us when that point is....we just know. That goes for the addict and the codependent.

Take care of you and talk it out with your counselor.

gentle hugs
ke

A 3 day detox is usually the pause that refreshes, when the drug is heroin. Alcohol/ pot is a common gateway back to the drug of choice.

He may be shutting you out to focus on his recovery. He may also be doing so to use, without the hassle. What people say and do are often two different things. This is most true with people playing the in recovery game.

He's living his life as he sees fit and this includes continuing to live with his alcoholic mother and associating with people who use a gateway substance, minimally red flags.

Give this guy the space he's requested and the dignity to work his recovery or not. Ignore the words and pay attention to actions. And know that you can get off Mr. Toad's Wild Ride anytime you want to do so.

thank you all for your input, I agree the pot smoking should be put to rest or it will lead to bad things. I don't think he is using at this point, he is a very different person still from the person he was when using so I'm hopeful he isn't. as far as living with his mom goes, he really doesn't have a lot of options on the matter, and I think not only is he an addict, but a codependent for her..& her the same for him. I understand I put myself in this situation and it's my decision to stay in it. I just feel like everyday there is another challenge an I have a hard time finding strength day after day..I guess that's what brings me here. my very rough days. now I'm just rambling, thanks again all for your advice and understanding!