Girlfriend in Recovery 20 days - I'm new to this - Do we have a chance
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15
Girlfriend in Recovery 20 days - I'm new to this - Do we have a chance
This is my very first post. I met my girlfriend 14 months ago. She has been addicted to Tramadol up until 3 weeks ago. We've had an incredible relationship. We get along incredibly well, rarely argue, never lie to each other, and support each other very well.
When she decided to detox she also decided that we should separate. She said she needs to focus on her recovery. She wants us both to stay close but she said if I kiss her or we try to pursue our relationship right now it will mess up her recovery and she will fall into me. Now, since I've never been addicted to anything in my life and have known very few addicts this concept is foreign to me.
Can someone please help me understand why she would choose to separate herself from me when I'm the one person in her life that provides her the most loving support? It seems completely illogical.
What advice and you give me to help me to help her? I don't want to interfere with her recovery but I also don't want to lose her either. My life has been complete chaos since the separation started. We are still hanging out but it's so tough to pretend we haven't been intimate for the past year. Do we have a chance of surviving this? I told her I'm never going to abandon her, I'm going to stick with her through this and support her and she seems to appreciate that. I love her dearly and this is tearing me apart.
Thanks for any help you can give.
When she decided to detox she also decided that we should separate. She said she needs to focus on her recovery. She wants us both to stay close but she said if I kiss her or we try to pursue our relationship right now it will mess up her recovery and she will fall into me. Now, since I've never been addicted to anything in my life and have known very few addicts this concept is foreign to me.
Can someone please help me understand why she would choose to separate herself from me when I'm the one person in her life that provides her the most loving support? It seems completely illogical.
What advice and you give me to help me to help her? I don't want to interfere with her recovery but I also don't want to lose her either. My life has been complete chaos since the separation started. We are still hanging out but it's so tough to pretend we haven't been intimate for the past year. Do we have a chance of surviving this? I told her I'm never going to abandon her, I'm going to stick with her through this and support her and she seems to appreciate that. I love her dearly and this is tearing me apart.
Thanks for any help you can give.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
Sounds to me like you have two have a good chance. Think of it this way- if she didn't get into recovery you would basically have zero chance. If I were you, I would just take this time to focus on you. I know it is hard, but you may have things to deal with as well especially because you have been dealing with an addict for 14 months. Meetings are good, this room is good, the sticky notes are good too.
Take care
Take care
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
The best way you can help her is to respect her wishes. She says she wants to focus on her recovery; please let her. If she's serious about sobriety and recovery, she has to find her identity again as an individual, or establish her personal identity for the first time, while fighting the demons of addiction. She evidently doesn't feel capable of doing that while maintaining an intimate relationship with you.
Since your life is in complete chaos right now, please take a cue from your friend and focus on restoring order to your life. That you seem to have lost yourself when you lost your relationship with her, indicates you don't have a solid relationship with yourself.
There's no sane reason to pretend you weren't intimate. Instead, work at accepting you aren't intimate now.
Please consider a recovery program or therapy for yourself
Since your life is in complete chaos right now, please take a cue from your friend and focus on restoring order to your life. That you seem to have lost yourself when you lost your relationship with her, indicates you don't have a solid relationship with yourself.
There's no sane reason to pretend you weren't intimate. Instead, work at accepting you aren't intimate now.
Please consider a recovery program or therapy for yourself
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
Now, since I've never been addicted to anything in my life and have known very few addicts this concept is foreign to me.
Can someone please help me understand why she would choose to separate herself from me when I'm the one person in her life that provides her the most loving support?
for the very reason you state, you know nothing about addiction, not what it feels like, the internal struggle, or how very hard is to kick. hugs and cuddles are not what she needs right now...the fewer distractions she has right now the better. tramadol is a synthetic analgesic in the opioid class and as such:
An abrupt termination of the supply of Tramadol will cause intolerable withdrawal symptoms. These may include diarrhea, abdominal cramps, persistent sweating and irritability. This heartbreaking withdrawal is the prime reason most people suffering from dependency find it extremely hard to cease taking the medication.
Tramadol addiction withdrawal presents one of the most agonizing things that you can ever try doing. However, it is possible to withdraw from the drug in a rather comfortable way if you involve the services of a highly qualified health care provider. Although Tramadol is clearly a great pain relieving solution, because it enables you to feel much better during hard and painful situations, the moment you try to cease the use of the drug you realize the symptoms that are associated with Tramadol addiction withdrawal. It is never easy trying to discontinue taking opiates and related drugs.
if you truly care about her, giving her the space and time she needs to get thru this very challenging period in her life should not be an issue whatsover.
Can someone please help me understand why she would choose to separate herself from me when I'm the one person in her life that provides her the most loving support?
for the very reason you state, you know nothing about addiction, not what it feels like, the internal struggle, or how very hard is to kick. hugs and cuddles are not what she needs right now...the fewer distractions she has right now the better. tramadol is a synthetic analgesic in the opioid class and as such:
An abrupt termination of the supply of Tramadol will cause intolerable withdrawal symptoms. These may include diarrhea, abdominal cramps, persistent sweating and irritability. This heartbreaking withdrawal is the prime reason most people suffering from dependency find it extremely hard to cease taking the medication.
Tramadol addiction withdrawal presents one of the most agonizing things that you can ever try doing. However, it is possible to withdraw from the drug in a rather comfortable way if you involve the services of a highly qualified health care provider. Although Tramadol is clearly a great pain relieving solution, because it enables you to feel much better during hard and painful situations, the moment you try to cease the use of the drug you realize the symptoms that are associated with Tramadol addiction withdrawal. It is never easy trying to discontinue taking opiates and related drugs.
if you truly care about her, giving her the space and time she needs to get thru this very challenging period in her life should not be an issue whatsover.
When my partner decided that he wanted to quit, he wouldn't allow me to leave his side, to the point of becoming abusive if I even suggested I had to go to the store by myself. I left the relationship when I realized that, no matter how much support, love, and company I provided, he wouldn't get over addiction by focusing on having someone else.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Do what she asks...back off..let her recover on her own terms and time frame. If this relationship is mean't to happen/continue...it will.
Go about your life, if possible be her friend, not her enabler and give her the space she needs.
Go about your life, if possible be her friend, not her enabler and give her the space she needs.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East
Posts: 27
She's right, she does need to focus on her recovery. Don't take it as being selfish, look at it as a step in the right direction. People in recovey go through a ton of emotions/feelings. They need to try and sort all of them out before coming back to semi-normal.
With my wife it was the bottle. When she was in rehab, she got very distant. When she got out I was like yea, let's be together, have sex and stuff.
Well, she's been sober for close to 5 months. While we do have a "working" realtionship, and talk, and are nice to each other, the sex/love life is a memory.
Will it come back, maybe, who knows. Give her some time, expected the unexpected. I know it's not fair waiting around, but it might be worth it. That's for you to decide.
With my wife it was the bottle. When she was in rehab, she got very distant. When she got out I was like yea, let's be together, have sex and stuff.
Well, she's been sober for close to 5 months. While we do have a "working" realtionship, and talk, and are nice to each other, the sex/love life is a memory.
Will it come back, maybe, who knows. Give her some time, expected the unexpected. I know it's not fair waiting around, but it might be worth it. That's for you to decide.
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