I just can't take it anymore
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 119
Please do something for yourself tonight that makes you feel good. Read a little, take a bath, drink some tea, take a walk etc. Whatever makes you feel good regardless of the situation at hand.
I understand that it's tough to see the forest beyond the trees sometimes. I am not perfect myself and I am in the midst of my own recovery now. Those little things have helped me to be stronger and realize that I matter too!
I understand that it's tough to see the forest beyond the trees sometimes. I am not perfect myself and I am in the midst of my own recovery now. Those little things have helped me to be stronger and realize that I matter too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Surrey
Posts: 135
After the conversation I just had with him, I am going to run for the hills as has been suggested. He has refused the nurse home care before, 2 times, once the doc at hospital tried to set up, the other time I set up through my doc. I was with him when the nurse came over one time. After that he said they can't do anything for him anyways.
It was clear in the last conversation I had with him today, where I tried to set the boundary of no money, that all he is interested in is getting money. He was angry, said he things that showed he was ungrateful, didn't want the food I bring all he wants clearly, is money so that "he can function, clean his room and put bandages on his wounds". I have heard this so many times and then even after he has money, he still does not clean or bandage his wounds. If I say get home care to help, he says no, if I say call an ambulance if it's that bad he says no. There is no other way as long as I am in contact with him. He is clearly ungrateful, blames me, accuses me and threatens me so I am no longer going to be around. I will change my numbers. I will move, it's too bad I took him out here to go fishing once, otherwise I wouldn't worry about moving but he could bring someone to drive him out here.
As long as I am in contact with him the no money rule just can't apply. I have to go no contact and shut the door to this chapter of my life and move on. Then I have to be sure to never look back. Otherwise he will continue to ask me for money and if he doesn't get it, will make threats, blame me, be mean to me, etc etc and simply I am not strong enough to say no under these circumstances, as the threats either scare me that he will hurt me, himself or someone else.
It was clear in the last conversation I had with him today, where I tried to set the boundary of no money, that all he is interested in is getting money. He was angry, said he things that showed he was ungrateful, didn't want the food I bring all he wants clearly, is money so that "he can function, clean his room and put bandages on his wounds". I have heard this so many times and then even after he has money, he still does not clean or bandage his wounds. If I say get home care to help, he says no, if I say call an ambulance if it's that bad he says no. There is no other way as long as I am in contact with him. He is clearly ungrateful, blames me, accuses me and threatens me so I am no longer going to be around. I will change my numbers. I will move, it's too bad I took him out here to go fishing once, otherwise I wouldn't worry about moving but he could bring someone to drive him out here.
As long as I am in contact with him the no money rule just can't apply. I have to go no contact and shut the door to this chapter of my life and move on. Then I have to be sure to never look back. Otherwise he will continue to ask me for money and if he doesn't get it, will make threats, blame me, be mean to me, etc etc and simply I am not strong enough to say no under these circumstances, as the threats either scare me that he will hurt me, himself or someone else.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
What I am reading is that he wants to do it "his" way....with your $$. His way is probably going to end in death.
Your way could (and probably will) end in death.
Codependents have an unhealthy sense of "being responsible" for.....well.....everything.
With all of the compassion in my heart I would tell you that he is not your responsibility. Even tho your heart (and his manipulation) is tricking you into thinking so.
With all of the compassion in my heart I would tell you to save yourself and give him to his higher power. If his HP wants him to get help....it's not going to happen with you "in the way".
Your way could (and probably will) end in death.
Codependents have an unhealthy sense of "being responsible" for.....well.....everything.
With all of the compassion in my heart I would tell you that he is not your responsibility. Even tho your heart (and his manipulation) is tricking you into thinking so.
With all of the compassion in my heart I would tell you to save yourself and give him to his higher power. If his HP wants him to get help....it's not going to happen with you "in the way".
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Savannah Georgia
Posts: 124
Terribly sorry that my post offends you, Faithfully, but sometimes being offended is a good thing. The title of your post is "I just can't take it anymore", yet your offense to several of our honest responses suggests that not only can take it, you must enjoy it as you are down-right offended when people agree with you that this man is using you. I stand firmly by my post and have recently, note i said recently, in my journey to get healthy from my own CoDependency, learned that it is actually sinful for us to NOT set boundaries and protect ourselves. God is the only reason I am on my way to a better life and free from the misery of the active addiction of my husband. Because of Him alone, my husband is in recovery (for now) and I am learning that I am not responsible for other people's feelings. I pray that you stay strong and put yourself first, honestly, I really do. CoDependency is misery! Ask me how I know?.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
honey, he doesn't want your HELP, just your cash....you cut him off and after some pouting and yanking of your chain, he'll no longer be interested in what you have to offer. see you want to CHANGE his life, he just wants another rock to stuff in the pipe.....it's that cold and that harsh. take all that energy and pour it into YOUR life...and watch the amazing results!
change is good "donkey": SHERK said this to donkey....
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
And is this the same staph infection he was fighting 4 years ago? It sounds like this guy know exactly how to get what he wants from YOU. if he's dying, go ahead and earmark the yellow pages for HOSPICE.
really casinos? I'm morbidly curious how you grew up that you're buying this stuff. I hope you can get some help for you
really casinos? I'm morbidly curious how you grew up that you're buying this stuff. I hope you can get some help for you
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
And is this the same staph infection he was fighting 4 years ago? It sounds like this guy know exactly how to get what he wants from YOU. if he's dying, go ahead and earmark the yellow pages for HOSPICE.
really casinos? I'm morbidly curious how you grew up that you're buying this stuff. I hope you can get some help for you
really casinos? I'm morbidly curious how you grew up that you're buying this stuff. I hope you can get some help for you
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