Using and going to NA
 

Well...I've been tricked again. AH and I have been to a marriage counsellor twice and both times she said my AH had to get clean and me to stay sober for marriage to work...otherwise don't even bother coming back to her. I've been working really hard at recovery, have a sponsor, working the steps, going to meetings...both Alanon and A.A. My AH has also been trying but he is still lying and using. I asked God to show me the truth because my sponsor said my AH acted like he was on something at the meeting last night. I could tell too...but I've been hoping so hard. I really wanted my marriage to work. But I found his stash of drugs today and I was crushed. I brought it up and he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then he just shut down. I did not get angry. This has been going on a year and now I think I need to move on.problem is, I don't have a job due to an injury incurred in my last job and m awaiting workman's comp trial in May. He has lied to me for months...also a possible infidelity and more lies around that. I love the man he is when he is clean. He has a DUI for marijuana that will be resolved with nothing on the books in July. He is doing great at his job but our relationship is breaking up. I have really tried to be patient and hang in there....I keep hoping he will get better but he's just fooling me by going to meetings. He sniffles all the time. He snorts 8 ballz glass cleaner and bath salts. I guess he has picked the drugs over a 15 year long relationship. I need to find another place to live...get a mediator or lawyer...it is not fair for him to lie and trick me and waste any more of my life. I am not angry. I am just ready...I think...to move on. I will pray to God to give me the answers. Thanks for reading. I just can't take it anymore.

I moved on when the pain of staying in the marriage was greater than the fear of leaving. I remember the feeling of being ready. There was no joy in it, just firm determination.

You and your husband will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

I agree with KE. The day I left, nothing huge had happened. I found 'evidence' he was smoking crack, but I'd known for a few days after he disappeared on a 4 days bender and spent all our money and made no plans. Finding the 'proof' just flipped me over the edge and I decided enough was enough, I had to go. This was 31/10/2011. I now pray everyday for a higher power to help him with the anger and bitterness in his heart. I'd like to say I never looked back, but I won't. It's been a very difficult struggle, I've considered going back many times. Reading and posting on SR, attending meetings and reading books has helped me keep my sanity. I'm not going to lie and say its easy, but today I am glad that I don't have to deal with his ****. It's Sunday morning here, and I'm glad I'm not wondering where he's got to for the past 3 days, or trying to keep the baby quiet so he can sleep. Today I'm grateful for the little bits of peace and serenity filtering into my life. It's amazing to be away from the chaos. The money situation is different for me as I'm in the UK, so I won't share about that.
I'd never give advice, I can only share my experiences of leaving an addict. Like KE says, for me one day the pain and fear of staying was greater than the pain and fear of walking away.

I hope you find a solution soon, nobody should have to live like that.

Hugs

I am sorry he is not clean yet . But on the silver lining side he is still attending NA and getting some information. Keep working on YOU ! Keep working your program.

Sending strength and prayers.