blackandblue

It is not just the vampires (addicts) in our lives that drain our energy. It is our willingness to be drained. The key part to this relationship is that once bitten by a "vampire" we potentially become vampires. The addictive relationship patterns often fall into this archetype and there is a lot to be learned. There are a million examples of this behavior in addictive relationships and it is easy to shift roles within a relationship.

I see things differently now in how I relate to my ex. I don't see it as my misfortune that I fell in love with an addict. I have come to so much self-realization because of all of the suffering. If I had the "perfect life"- I would be blind to all of the possibilities in the world to heal and be healed.

I feel we come into these relationships to learn and grow. It is not surprising that so many people in the world found addicts as partners simply because there are many more addicts in the world these days. We can take part in the healing process by realizing that we are victims by choice and the reality is that we can choose otherwise. Then addiction begins to change too-within each of us because we gain our power back instead of trying to drain it from someone else.

I miss him and will always love him yet I have accepted what I cannot change. I have taken my power back and in turn he is working on finding his own. I can see more from a distance now. He has even admitted that quitting heroin is not enough and that he should not be drinking and smoking. I know he is contemplating meetings again and is trying to take care of himself again. I have set my boundaries and know that I have no control if he slips and falls or if he succeeds. He knows that I am not with him because I do not trust him- plain and simple. I do not trust him because he is not in active recovery. I do not trust myself with him because I am still not strong enough to not be a willing victim.

How am I getting my power back? By loving those around me who are available for love. By detaching from his behavior and outcomes. By letting go of false hopes and expectations. By taking care of my body, mind, and soul and finding recovery from my own addictive tendencies. Therapy is priority one at the moment and I anticipate that this will be the case for a while. After 2 sessions- this is my attitude. I am dedicated to yoga, my music and other passions in life, I have amazing friends and family, I am lifting my career from the ashes, and most importantly I am learning to be a little easier on myself.

That is progress for me- to not expect perfection. I am afraid but it won't stop me from living my life anymore. I realize that suffering is a part of life and I have healthier ways to cope and areas for improvement. That is the beauty of life. Those who cannot see that are living in hell. I've been there and I am not going back.

Ann

Your perspective is wonderful. I want your therapist.

It is often only when we begin to take good care of ourselves, that we realize how toxic a relationship, even a loving relationship, can be.

Stay well, you sound well on your way to healing.

Hugs

faithfully

How true and how sad

Thanks for putting it so well.

Kindeyes

What a beautiful personal affirmation.

Thank you for sharing.

gentle hugs
ke

CanfixONLYme

blackandblue,

your posting was VERY empowering. Thank you for this!

lightseeker

what a wonderful post....I wish that I had the ability to articulate all of that like you just did! I especially resonated with not trusting him but also not trusting yourself with him. I do realize that my ex husband is "my drug". I've seen how many times I've sought to be able to "use that drug" and it all turn out ok. It never does.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, hope, and strength. Victims by choice....what a true statement....here's to taking power back.

Loneywife

Thank you for your post. I will be reaching out tonight to those in my life that are available for love, not my addict.