Ok, So what happened with Daddio ?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Ann,*
My eyes are open. And what I see is that there is no one way to recover from addiction.
Tough love, detachment, no contact.... That is for you - not the addict.*
The addict makes their choice.*
Yes, I know 2 postings about deaths this week. I could have added a third. *Last weekend, BF dad informed BF that one of his professional associates; one that BF had questionable dealings with; got busted and committed suicide - shortly after BF left*
But by the grace of God it wasn't BF - the ups and downs of cocaine can cause severe depression.*
I'm not in denial, but I'm not going to sit and shiver and bite my nails out of fear. And I also don't want to run away. So if that makes me a bad codependent than I guess I am. *
If you only want people to share feelings of despair, and not hope, or happiness- *then maybe it should be put it in the rulebook for membership.*
But if that's the case then I think it's sad- and I would ask you why you feel that way?*
P.S my talk of ham and cupcakes as I share that I'm preparing Easter dinner is no worse than announcing I got myself a manicure - which always seems to bring kudos from other members. Why is that?
My eyes are open. And what I see is that there is no one way to recover from addiction.
Tough love, detachment, no contact.... That is for you - not the addict.*
The addict makes their choice.*
Yes, I know 2 postings about deaths this week. I could have added a third. *Last weekend, BF dad informed BF that one of his professional associates; one that BF had questionable dealings with; got busted and committed suicide - shortly after BF left*
But by the grace of God it wasn't BF - the ups and downs of cocaine can cause severe depression.*
I'm not in denial, but I'm not going to sit and shiver and bite my nails out of fear. And I also don't want to run away. So if that makes me a bad codependent than I guess I am. *
If you only want people to share feelings of despair, and not hope, or happiness- *then maybe it should be put it in the rulebook for membership.*
But if that's the case then I think it's sad- and I would ask you why you feel that way?*
P.S my talk of ham and cupcakes as I share that I'm preparing Easter dinner is no worse than announcing I got myself a manicure - which always seems to bring kudos from other members. Why is that?
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TBEIT,
I want to thank you for your post because I agree that there is not just one right way to handle things when you are dealing with drug addiction & recovery, or even recovery from being a codie.
Following your story just a bit… I know you have double digit years of recovery yourself…. And yet you come here not touting that fact or saying that there is only ‘one way’. This may seem a trivial fact to many, but when I first came to SR it was right after my BF relapsed and he was in hospital.
After telling my story, and how BF planned to handle things…. I was left in tears after reading most of the posts that were sent my way. BF they said was a bad guy, speculation abounded as to how may awful things had gone on without my knowledge for months before the relapse, and there was very little hope sent my way even after he agreed to the original plan I explained earlier in my post, and I was encouraged to run for the hills. The most supportive comment I got was: ‘we will see’
There is never a guarantee in these situations, but I think it is wrong to downplay another’s efforts at recovery; even if it handled in what many consider to be a ‘bizarre’ manner.
I feel lucky to be surrounded by such great men (my dad, BF, and BF dad). My Bf is trying and he wants to lead a healthy life without drugs. My dad is a very special man; he could have shut the door on BF because of these issues, but instead he took the time to get to know him, and he has shown him both compassion and respect. Many people won’t understand perhaps; but this consideration has done a lot to boost BF feelings of self-esteem, and self-respect.
And BF dad – he is just a dad doing the best he can to help his son. He has never given up on him, never walked away, he has thrown in some strong expectations with a whole lot of compassion and hope. I think it is more like you said: BF got lost, and his dad is trying to help him find his way back. I won’t ever criticize him for that.
I am really happy that his dad has eased up a bit. (i.e. It was a lot having blood tested 2x week)
Also, what you said about the good times, and the urge to use ‘just a little’ … I appreciate you mentioning that. I don’t take that as a negative or a predictor of the future…. Its just a reality.
My BF told me he had that mindset when he got sick the last time. I think he realizes now that for him ‘just a little’ leads to ‘I want more and more’ . But I know it will be an ongoing struggle. Those cravings and memories they wont let go easily, if ever. BF used partially as a coping mechanism, and he is working with his doctor on those types of issues. Learning to change his thought process.
When he had his relapse at xmas; I think it was partially due to coping. In November was the anniversary of his sons death, then with the holidays and not having contact with his dad was really weighing on him, and then he had an argument with his friend/ boss who has been like a dad to him. Just hours before all that happened. Stress / coping mechanisms failed.
That is one of the reasons I worry about him having too much stress, and being too ambitious with work, etc. But I really just have to trust him. I was encouraged the other day as he told me that he didn’t plan on making any changes with work even though his dad is giving him the option. He said he doesn’t want to take on any more than what he is doing right now.
I think a lot of forum folk are angry because I don’t have a boundary that says if he slips up again; then Im gone. But I just don’t feel that way. I will take it as it comes; and make decisions as needed.
Ive always been rather strong willed and independent as could be evidenced by my posts… and then there is my undying optimism and sense of humor. Haha
Anyway, thank you for your reply. Means a lot.
KEL
I want to thank you for your post because I agree that there is not just one right way to handle things when you are dealing with drug addiction & recovery, or even recovery from being a codie.
Following your story just a bit… I know you have double digit years of recovery yourself…. And yet you come here not touting that fact or saying that there is only ‘one way’. This may seem a trivial fact to many, but when I first came to SR it was right after my BF relapsed and he was in hospital.
After telling my story, and how BF planned to handle things…. I was left in tears after reading most of the posts that were sent my way. BF they said was a bad guy, speculation abounded as to how may awful things had gone on without my knowledge for months before the relapse, and there was very little hope sent my way even after he agreed to the original plan I explained earlier in my post, and I was encouraged to run for the hills. The most supportive comment I got was: ‘we will see’
There is never a guarantee in these situations, but I think it is wrong to downplay another’s efforts at recovery; even if it handled in what many consider to be a ‘bizarre’ manner.
I feel lucky to be surrounded by such great men (my dad, BF, and BF dad). My Bf is trying and he wants to lead a healthy life without drugs. My dad is a very special man; he could have shut the door on BF because of these issues, but instead he took the time to get to know him, and he has shown him both compassion and respect. Many people won’t understand perhaps; but this consideration has done a lot to boost BF feelings of self-esteem, and self-respect.
And BF dad – he is just a dad doing the best he can to help his son. He has never given up on him, never walked away, he has thrown in some strong expectations with a whole lot of compassion and hope. I think it is more like you said: BF got lost, and his dad is trying to help him find his way back. I won’t ever criticize him for that.
I am really happy that his dad has eased up a bit. (i.e. It was a lot having blood tested 2x week)
Also, what you said about the good times, and the urge to use ‘just a little’ … I appreciate you mentioning that. I don’t take that as a negative or a predictor of the future…. Its just a reality.
My BF told me he had that mindset when he got sick the last time. I think he realizes now that for him ‘just a little’ leads to ‘I want more and more’ . But I know it will be an ongoing struggle. Those cravings and memories they wont let go easily, if ever. BF used partially as a coping mechanism, and he is working with his doctor on those types of issues. Learning to change his thought process.
When he had his relapse at xmas; I think it was partially due to coping. In November was the anniversary of his sons death, then with the holidays and not having contact with his dad was really weighing on him, and then he had an argument with his friend/ boss who has been like a dad to him. Just hours before all that happened. Stress / coping mechanisms failed.
That is one of the reasons I worry about him having too much stress, and being too ambitious with work, etc. But I really just have to trust him. I was encouraged the other day as he told me that he didn’t plan on making any changes with work even though his dad is giving him the option. He said he doesn’t want to take on any more than what he is doing right now.
I think a lot of forum folk are angry because I don’t have a boundary that says if he slips up again; then Im gone. But I just don’t feel that way. I will take it as it comes; and make decisions as needed.
Ive always been rather strong willed and independent as could be evidenced by my posts… and then there is my undying optimism and sense of humor. Haha
Anyway, thank you for your reply. Means a lot.
KEL
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
I really sort of doubt that there is a single person on this forum that has experienced ONE "relapse". I really do not think it is possible to understand the gravity until maybe the 2nd or 3rd time...
I know, for me, I was in a much much much different place back then. Yes there was a horrific pain at first...and Kelley experienced that with the OD and cheating. But I really think that for a partner it's the spiral down into a repeated behavior (at least the second time...) that gets you by the short and curlies.
The first time produces the shock and pain...but we recover quickly, especially with the help of new relationship/love endorphins! And then we live in the post trauma la la, la di da land of cupcakes and pigs in or out of windows.
If Kelley and her BF (I would love to see a word count on her use of BF or BF Dad it has to be in the thousands)
are fortunate then they will perhaps live on happily in cupcake and oceanside resort land. That is entirely possible!!! WE DO RECOVER!!!!!! And if that is the case then we will all be graced with cupcake posts, it seems, ad nauseum. So Kelley, I wish you the best...I hope your lad stays in recovery...because we DO RECOVER!!
In the meantime, I hope you are aware that your cupcake posts are apples and oranges to a mom getting her nails done while the son she gave birth to has disappeared into addiction. Apples and oranges dear. I hope you never have to discover just how far off the scale you are in trying to compare your Easter dinner to that manicure. SO FAR OFF, and not only OFF but hurtful, ignore-ant of someone else's pain and clueless about the situation of that woman's post.
I am about 98% sure that this post will be deleted. Which is just really too bad, somehow I think and feel that you might just understand what I am trying to say...but that is probably my own denial about my power to help someone understand.
I know, for me, I was in a much much much different place back then. Yes there was a horrific pain at first...and Kelley experienced that with the OD and cheating. But I really think that for a partner it's the spiral down into a repeated behavior (at least the second time...) that gets you by the short and curlies.
The first time produces the shock and pain...but we recover quickly, especially with the help of new relationship/love endorphins! And then we live in the post trauma la la, la di da land of cupcakes and pigs in or out of windows.
If Kelley and her BF (I would love to see a word count on her use of BF or BF Dad it has to be in the thousands)
are fortunate then they will perhaps live on happily in cupcake and oceanside resort land. That is entirely possible!!! WE DO RECOVER!!!!!! And if that is the case then we will all be graced with cupcake posts, it seems, ad nauseum. So Kelley, I wish you the best...I hope your lad stays in recovery...because we DO RECOVER!!
In the meantime, I hope you are aware that your cupcake posts are apples and oranges to a mom getting her nails done while the son she gave birth to has disappeared into addiction. Apples and oranges dear. I hope you never have to discover just how far off the scale you are in trying to compare your Easter dinner to that manicure. SO FAR OFF, and not only OFF but hurtful, ignore-ant of someone else's pain and clueless about the situation of that woman's post.
I am about 98% sure that this post will be deleted. Which is just really too bad, somehow I think and feel that you might just understand what I am trying to say...but that is probably my own denial about my power to help someone understand.
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Location: In a good place
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Kelley, I think this one flew over your head, too:
You, Kelley. Support for YOU, not your BF. Your BF isn't here for our support with his addiction, and we'd kindly steer him to the SA forum if he was.
What do you need from us, for you?
Originally Posted by Ann 
My point is, if you are here for support, then ask for it.
What do you need from us, for you?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Also I want to add this Kelley,
I apologize for any of my early posts that would have advised you to exit your relationship.
To any young woman who came to this site telling the story of a new boyfriend who cheated on her and then OD'd on coke with a needle I guess I would still say the same thing.
As for cheating? I guess forgiving him for cheating is your decision and you can honor that and live with it and be fine in your relationship. We all give advice here through our own filters...
As for OD'ing on coke? Well I haven't ever experienced something so awful. I gave advice through that filter.
As for recovery? There are always possibilities, and then there are probabilities. OD'ing on coke and cheating? There are probabilities around that...and I gave advice for sure around that! And it appears I have been grossly wrong! And I apologize for that.
I get the feeling that you are angry at those posters like me who sent you messages to get out of the relationship. That's pretty human to be maybe a little resentful, and maybe even "I'll show you..." how great it all is now. Please accept my apology.
Also know this...that at face to face meetings there is not any advice giving allowed...advice giving here seems to be a last resort for those of us who are in crisis and reaching out for any voice that might help us in a time of pain. That need usually comes around the issue of having to finally let go for a codependent. I think many of us come here knowing we are going to hear what we need to hear, not what we want.
I guess you didn't need to hear it, and I hope you never do...it's an awful place to be.
Forgive those of us who have been there and wanted to help you.
I apologize for any of my early posts that would have advised you to exit your relationship.
To any young woman who came to this site telling the story of a new boyfriend who cheated on her and then OD'd on coke with a needle I guess I would still say the same thing.
As for cheating? I guess forgiving him for cheating is your decision and you can honor that and live with it and be fine in your relationship. We all give advice here through our own filters...
As for OD'ing on coke? Well I haven't ever experienced something so awful. I gave advice through that filter.
As for recovery? There are always possibilities, and then there are probabilities. OD'ing on coke and cheating? There are probabilities around that...and I gave advice for sure around that! And it appears I have been grossly wrong! And I apologize for that.
I get the feeling that you are angry at those posters like me who sent you messages to get out of the relationship. That's pretty human to be maybe a little resentful, and maybe even "I'll show you..." how great it all is now. Please accept my apology.
Also know this...that at face to face meetings there is not any advice giving allowed...advice giving here seems to be a last resort for those of us who are in crisis and reaching out for any voice that might help us in a time of pain. That need usually comes around the issue of having to finally let go for a codependent. I think many of us come here knowing we are going to hear what we need to hear, not what we want.
I guess you didn't need to hear it, and I hope you never do...it's an awful place to be.
Forgive those of us who have been there and wanted to help you.
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((chino))
Excellent question. My last thread - of which this is really a continuence... Asked the question.... Does anyone have knowledge or experience with drug testing via hair.....
That was it. I got 2 replies on that. And then 6 pages of people asking me questions and then arguing about my replies. I had people pm me and ask well what did happen with BF dad and the hair testing and all that... So I decided to post it. That is pretty much it.
I do have a question - what exactly is it that you guys think I should be feeling and doing given my particular situation?
Excellent question. My last thread - of which this is really a continuence... Asked the question.... Does anyone have knowledge or experience with drug testing via hair.....
That was it. I got 2 replies on that. And then 6 pages of people asking me questions and then arguing about my replies. I had people pm me and ask well what did happen with BF dad and the hair testing and all that... So I decided to post it. That is pretty much it.
I do have a question - what exactly is it that you guys think I should be feeling and doing given my particular situation?
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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That's the thing Kelley...it just doesn't even seem like YOU have a situation. Right? I mean if you need advice on deciding whether to go to retreat or not...is that it? If it was me and I was offered an ocean side resort/retreat with horses? Well dang...that's just an easy answer for me.
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
Originally Posted by KelleyF
Does anyone have knowledge or experience with drug testing via hair.....
-It looks like you're trying to find a way to be more involved in his recovery than you need to be.
-It looks like you're worrying about something you have no control over.
-It looks like you're still trying to find a way to believe that anything other than BF's own desire will keep him clean.
This, I think, is what people here were getting at in that thread. The Family & Friends section of the forum is literally here to help see people through all the rough things they endure living through such hell, they are here to support you and not help you justify things in your mind about what will "help" the addict stay clean. The F&F forum is here to help families understand that no drug tests, no ultimatums, no job, no family, no geographical location, is going to keep the addict clean. It is up to them. They must have the desire to be clean. No amount of control you may seemingly have over the situation will make a difference. An addict is going to get drugs if and when they want to, no matter what.
So the previous thread and this one have thrown everyone here into an uproar because you haven't asked for support for you, you've asked for answers to questions that no one has an answer too because they already tried everything you did and it failed. There is no answer, no right one anyway. I say this with compassion, because I do understand. I am similar, when I need a solution to something I need it NOW and when there isn't one I just don't know what to do with myself.
I am glad your BF is clean and I hope he continues doing whatever he is doing that works for him. People here are just bothered by BF's dad who also should be here, seeking out support for himself and his own codie issues that are so apparent. People here are also bothered by you because you don't want to talk about YOU
!So...I will leave you with this:
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
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maybe this is what people think... I'm just too involved with BF recovery and they have to show me this.*
But it confuses me because in the case of the hair testing... I clearly stated BF agreed to this originally because of his dad, he asked me if i wanted Him to continue and I said no, that he was doing it for his dad, that he was looking for an alternative to blood testing, that he did a trial run with his dr. *(I wasn't involved in any of that)
I just wanted to use the resource i found in SR to ask if anyone had experience in accuracy etc.*
I don't think that makes me too involved.*
I just read another post from someone asking about low blood sugar and relapse. *How is this question different than mine? *This person wasn't an addict asking for herself. She was inquiring about her A in this situation. *Yet no one said she was too involved.
My last thread was filled with opinions for things I didn't ask for.... Like why the rush in moving in with my BF, indirect implications that I had become pregnant and that was why ( completely untrue),
Comments about BF decision to do drug testing for his dad, comments about his dad, people yelling at me saying I was letting my dad bond with my BF while I had lied and never told him BF had a drug problem ( also untrue ), people saying I compromised my standards by lying ( insulting And untrue), people implying BF is irresponsible incapable of holding down a job ( untrue- he's worked since he got clean and was licensed by the state), insults about gifts, and money, comments about how I should feel like I'm being treated like a working gal', comments about pinnochio.... Don't ask.... **The list goes on. *
These seem more like personal attacks on me I think.
Based on feelings from others towards me that are outside of my issues.
Just my opinion.*
But it confuses me because in the case of the hair testing... I clearly stated BF agreed to this originally because of his dad, he asked me if i wanted Him to continue and I said no, that he was doing it for his dad, that he was looking for an alternative to blood testing, that he did a trial run with his dr. *(I wasn't involved in any of that)
I just wanted to use the resource i found in SR to ask if anyone had experience in accuracy etc.*
I don't think that makes me too involved.*
I just read another post from someone asking about low blood sugar and relapse. *How is this question different than mine? *This person wasn't an addict asking for herself. She was inquiring about her A in this situation. *Yet no one said she was too involved.
My last thread was filled with opinions for things I didn't ask for.... Like why the rush in moving in with my BF, indirect implications that I had become pregnant and that was why ( completely untrue),
Comments about BF decision to do drug testing for his dad, comments about his dad, people yelling at me saying I was letting my dad bond with my BF while I had lied and never told him BF had a drug problem ( also untrue ), people saying I compromised my standards by lying ( insulting And untrue), people implying BF is irresponsible incapable of holding down a job ( untrue- he's worked since he got clean and was licensed by the state), insults about gifts, and money, comments about how I should feel like I'm being treated like a working gal', comments about pinnochio.... Don't ask.... **The list goes on. *
These seem more like personal attacks on me I think.
Based on feelings from others towards me that are outside of my issues.
Just my opinion.*
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by KelleyF
She was inquiring about her A in this situation.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Kelley, your posts scare me sometimes. When I started my relationship, X was running a busy nightclub and there was money everywhere, he would invite me and my friends to the club and give us champagne and whatever all night long. He was wonderful, amazing, except for when he wasn't. I didn't know he was a heroin/crack addict, the day I found out was the day he went out and locked me in our flat and took my phone away while I was seriously ill with a kidney infection and didn't have the strength to even get up. Down the line there were many many relapses, he did some horrendous things and it eventually fact way to just active addiction. It was anyway really, he was just taking breaks and convincing us both he could beat this alone.
Anyway. My point is that maybe your journey is different; but maybe you're just earlier in it. We have no way of knowing and we can only draw from our own experiences.
Anyway. My point is that maybe your journey is different; but maybe you're just earlier in it. We have no way of knowing and we can only draw from our own experiences.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Also I have to mention the fact that the relapse was a one night thing.. Your post where you mentioned he had endocarditis around that time set alarm bells off for me. You will never really know the truth, just keep your eyes open. You seem like a nice girl, and I can't speak for other members but seeing the similarity in your mindset to my early mindset is a bit scary. 3.5 years and a child down the line, things have changed for me.
The comments you made about someone celebrating getting a manicure- that post represented a mother taking the focus off her child, who is out there in active addiction, and being kind to herself for a little while. That is a completely different scenario to you posting about cooking dinner and buying ham for your and your BF's families!
The comments you made about someone celebrating getting a manicure- that post represented a mother taking the focus off her child, who is out there in active addiction, and being kind to herself for a little while. That is a completely different scenario to you posting about cooking dinner and buying ham for your and your BF's families!
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Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
There's a whole lot of triggering going on in this thread. For whatever reason I'm not feeling triggered by the OP. She made it pretty evident that she is happily moving forward and I can't predict her future any more than I can predict my own.
As has been pointed out by a few here, she hasn't asked for help so why are we so desperately trying to shove it down her throat? There are others who are posting who are asking for our support and ESH.
Kelley....again I will wish you well. I truly hope things go well for you and all involved. If they don't and you need support in dealing with a loved one who is addicted, I hope you'll know that there are many people here on SR who unfortunately have a lot of experience and collective wisdom who care enough to want to help you when/if you need it.
gentle hugs
ke
As has been pointed out by a few here, she hasn't asked for help so why are we so desperately trying to shove it down her throat? There are others who are posting who are asking for our support and ESH.
Kelley....again I will wish you well. I truly hope things go well for you and all involved. If they don't and you need support in dealing with a loved one who is addicted, I hope you'll know that there are many people here on SR who unfortunately have a lot of experience and collective wisdom who care enough to want to help you when/if you need it.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Kelly I think you trigger the codie in some they have been through a lot with their qualifier.I support you in your recovery.I have been in and around the program NA AA for more than 25 years and know there is more than one way to do this.I am not a hard core program guy but I do know when I'm too far from MY program I have problems.Some people on here have lost loved ones to this horrible "disease" and know it only takes one relaps to die.
I wish you and your BF the best.Something my old sponser said comes to mind "Take what you need and leave the rest" Have a happy time with your family today and try not to give anyone food poisoning
I wish you and your BF the best.Something my old sponser said comes to mind "Take what you need and leave the rest" Have a happy time with your family today and try not to give anyone food poisoning
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 445
Originally Posted by lesliej
Also I want to add this Kelley,
I apologize for any of my early posts that would have advised you to exit your relationship.
To any young woman who came to this site telling the story of a new boyfriend who cheated on her and then OD'd on coke with a needle I guess I would still say the same thing.
As for cheating? I guess forgiving him for cheating is your decision and you can honor that and live with it and be fine in your relationship. We all give advice here through our own filters...
As for OD'ing on coke? Well I haven't ever experienced something so awful. I gave advice through that filter.
As for recovery? There are always possibilities, and then there are probabilities. OD'ing on coke and cheating? There are probabilities around that...and I gave advice for sure around that! And it appears I have been grossly wrong! And I apologize for that.
I get the feeling that you are angry at those posters like me who sent you messages to get out of the relationship. That's pretty human to be maybe a little resentful, and maybe even "I'll show you..." how great it all is now. Please accept my apology.
Also know this...that at face to face meetings there is not any advice giving allowed...advice giving here seems to be a last resort for those of us who are in crisis and reaching out for any voice that might help us in a time of pain. That need usually comes around the issue of having to finally let go for a codependent. I think many of us come here knowing we are going to hear what we need to hear, not what we want.
I guess you didn't need to hear it, and I hope you never do...it's an awful place to be.
Forgive those of us who have been there and wanted to help you.
I apologize for any of my early posts that would have advised you to exit your relationship.
To any young woman who came to this site telling the story of a new boyfriend who cheated on her and then OD'd on coke with a needle I guess I would still say the same thing.
As for cheating? I guess forgiving him for cheating is your decision and you can honor that and live with it and be fine in your relationship. We all give advice here through our own filters...
As for OD'ing on coke? Well I haven't ever experienced something so awful. I gave advice through that filter.
As for recovery? There are always possibilities, and then there are probabilities. OD'ing on coke and cheating? There are probabilities around that...and I gave advice for sure around that! And it appears I have been grossly wrong! And I apologize for that.
I get the feeling that you are angry at those posters like me who sent you messages to get out of the relationship. That's pretty human to be maybe a little resentful, and maybe even "I'll show you..." how great it all is now. Please accept my apology.
Also know this...that at face to face meetings there is not any advice giving allowed...advice giving here seems to be a last resort for those of us who are in crisis and reaching out for any voice that might help us in a time of pain. That need usually comes around the issue of having to finally let go for a codependent. I think many of us come here knowing we are going to hear what we need to hear, not what we want.
I guess you didn't need to hear it, and I hope you never do...it's an awful place to be.
Forgive those of us who have been there and wanted to help you.
I just read your post and wanted to say that although we have disagreed on things in the past; I do value your thoughts and opinions. Part of it comes from knowing some of your story. I feel that you have always tried, like me, to be very open and honest with what you are experiencing and what has happened with your ex.
I have apologized to you personally before; because I know our situations are somewhat similar, and therefore I know I have been a trigger for you, but it wasn’t my intent.
It sounds like you are truly getting to a good place now, and Im really happy for you.
Making decisions about relationships is never easy; it is surely more complicated when addiction is involved. As you spoke about my boyfriends overdose at Christmas; I just want to say that it was a very bad experience walking in and finding him unconscious after he overdosed by snorting coke. This was then followed up by lengthy stay in hospital.
I would think that because of this people would realize that I do clearly understand the dangers of relapse and the risk of death. That experience is not one that I will ever forget. Many here have never experienced it; and I hope they don’t have to.
I do feel fortunate that I have been able to make peace with what happened. I guess it is hard for many to understand how I could forgive him for his one night stand. Part of it comes from the understanding that the mix of cocaine and sex were well established back when he was snorting coke on a regular basis. It was an established pattern that went hand in hand. However, I don’t want to leave the impression that it was a trivial decision. We worked on this issue between us for several months, and even discussed it during couples session with his regular psychiatrist. This decision is also somewhat of a leap of faith for me based on my knowledge of who this man is, and what his morals and values are.
Anyhoo… I felt the need to reply to you personally because there is no anger towards your comments on my part, and I just wanted to let you know that. Im in a good place right now and so is my guy. I hope it holds…
as you said: “Addicts They Do Recover”
A message of Hope that I think we all as family and friends should embrace, and also a message that I feel is appropriate for this Easter Day.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by tbeit
Kelly I think you trigger the codie in some they have been through a lot with their qualifier.I support you in your recovery.I have been in and around the program NA AA for more than 25 years and know there is more than one way to do this.I am not a hard core program guy but I do know when I'm too far from MY program I have problems.Some people on here have lost loved ones to this horrible "disease" and know it only takes one relaps to die.
I wish you and your BF the best.Something my old sponser said comes to mind "Take what you need and leave the rest" Have a happy time with your family today and try not to give anyone food poisoning
I wish you and your BF the best.Something my old sponser said comes to mind "Take what you need and leave the rest" Have a happy time with your family today and try not to give anyone food poisoning
Dinner is ready now .... just waiting for the rolls to come out of the oven.
Best to you and yours on this day also.
Kel
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Cynical one, post was right on. The next time your BF gets really mad at "daddio" he is going to relapse & use cocaine to hurt his father. Adult children resent parents who continue to exert control. Did he even want to be a lawyer growing up?? Have money & resources can be a really good thing. Heck, if he ever gets legal problems "daddio" will know an expert criminal lawyer. Of course, it is much easier to enable a addict as well. Look at all the famous celebraties who struggle with addiction.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
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Originally Posted by Justfor1
Cynical one, post was right on. The next time your BF gets really mad at "daddio" he is going to relapse & use cocaine to hurt his father. Adult children resent parents who continue to exert control. Did he even want to be a lawyer growing up?? Have money & resources can be a really good thing. Heck, if he ever gets legal problems "daddio" will know an expert criminal lawyer. Of course, it is much easier to enable a addict as well. Look at all the famous celebraties who struggle with addiction.
This probably wont happen the point is you cant predict this mans future any better than I can. To say he "he is going to relapse & use cocaine to hurt his father" is just a little presumptuous for me.
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