Blogs


Notices

Codependent?

Old 03-29-2012, 07:19 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: dow, illinois
Posts: 71
Question Codependent?

I read something , i think Leslie posted about being codependent. I was amazed , it sounded just like me. Or am i looking for something to blame myself for? I know deep down my AH its his problem but alot i catch myself thinking what could i have done different.I work, clean house grocery shop, laundry, work in yard ,cook every night, amoung that, spend time with my grand children, bNut thats wonderful. I keep thinking ive done something wrong along the way.I take care of my mother, help my AS, and everyone else. I am so tired of being the strong one. Joe told me , if i do leave, youll be ok because your strong. I dont feel strong anymore. My family gives me no support.Ilove them but im tired. Am i codependent? Need support please
jolinda is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jolinda For This Useful Post:
Ilovemysonjj (03-29-2012), sugarbear1 (03-29-2012)
Old 03-29-2012, 07:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Jolinda, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I know I had (and still sometimes have) those same feelings... What did I do wrong? What I've learned though is the 3 C's: i didn't cause it, i can't control it, and i can't cure it. Keep repeating the three C's every time you start thinking about what you may have done to cause someone else's addiction. The only cause is that the addict chose to take drugs.. It has nothing to do with you!

I can't say if you're codependent. I know I am as are a lot of the other people on here. Being codependent does not mean you caused your loved ones addictions though.

There's a great sticky that will help you figure out if you're codependent:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dependent.html
Heartbroken0608 is offline  
Old 03-29-2012, 07:37 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Impurrfect's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,177
((jolinda))) - I had to read a LOT of threads and posts in the F&F forum to realize I was a codie. It's not that it's a bad thing, but like you, I was TIRED of being the strong one. I turned out to be a raging codie, but not everyone is.

Keep reading and posting..that's what helped me

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
Impurrfect is offline  
Old 03-29-2012, 09:08 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,697
Hi Jolinda, everyone hits a bottom, maybe you finally hit yours? Codependency is an addiction to our addicts. I am a true codie. It is something you will defend as love and what you think is your duty to your children, husband, parents, friends, etc.
It is just as hard to "kick" codependency as it is for our addicts to "kick" their habit. When your A starts to back away, your gut kicks in and you try to find ways to keep the relationship, keep the peace and keep the control you feel you must have. The truth is, you won't ever be in control. Very hard to take, but so true.
Please keep posting, sharing, reading. Everyone here will support you
Hugs,
Teresa
Ilovemysonjj is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Ilovemysonjj For This Useful Post:
faithfully (03-29-2012)
Old 03-29-2012, 09:12 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Surrey
Posts: 135
From what I understand, codependence happens when you've lived with or around or in close relationship with an addict. I tend to think of it as what happens to loved one's of addicted people. It's not like we're to blame, often it's the results of being in relationship with an addict.
faithfully is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to faithfully For This Useful Post:
shockozulu (03-29-2012)
Old 03-30-2012, 01:35 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Reach Out and Touch Faith
 
shockozulu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
What Faithfully said. I am a recovering codie. My addict mother trained me well. It was only after going no contact and then working on myself that I fully understand what that means. It was when I decided to get off the Drama Triangle that I found myself.

Now I am living with an addict sister. You know what? I don't care what she uses or what she says. If it does not directly have to do with the household I have been trained now to ignore it.

My mother was in recovery the last year of her life. She died of complications from her Huntington's disease. I most likely have the same disease. Since there is no treatment at this time, I have chosen not to be tested and to treat the symptoms. The treatment is the same whether or not I have been tested.

My sister has tried to play this card on me, I still can ignore her. It took a lot of years for me to get to this point, but it was worth it all when my sister began behaving as if she were using. If not for my mother, I would have most likely have fallen for her crap hook, line and sinker.

What I am getting at is this it was a long journey to get to this point. Every Al-Alon meeting is worth it. I gained so much from them. I also remind myself of the AA principle of "progress not perfection". If I apply this to my codie behavior I am doing something right.
shockozulu is offline  
Old 03-30-2012, 05:40 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I did not have a codependent bone in my body till I became aware that my daughter was using drugs. That woke a sleeping giant within me and I made up for lost time and more.

At the time I believed with enough love, support, time, money, professional help and focus on my part I was going to beat my daughter's addiction. My ego was on the line. Somewhere in all this, I forgot my adult daughter had free will and we were not on the same path. Short of tying her down and confining her ( a crime) there was nothing I could say or do or not that was going to snap her out of this. I was not that powerful. None of us are.
outtolunch is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to outtolunch For This Useful Post:
EnglishGarden (03-30-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:12 PM.