Help...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
To me, pot usage is unacceptable, IMO it is a gateway drug for many and if one does not move onto worse drugs consistant users seem to suffer from a lack of ambition. Not to mention that the drug is still illegal in most states.
It is your home, it is your rules.
It is your home, it is your rules.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Welcome minnesota1, I am glad you found us. There is a wealth of information and experience on here, we will off suggestions to help but take what works for you and just leave the rest.
We all have something in common and we want to find a way to help the A. The fact of the matter is the disease has affected us also and we need help. We find it here and through f2f meetings with Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Please do go to the meeting you intend to it will help also.
I have heard so many times I will quit next week , next month but if they can't quit right now at this moment they will need professional help to quit. They cant do it on there own or they would have, and we are too close to help. This is a disease and if you were told by your DR you had a disease and you could passably die from it soon, would you put off the rehab till school was out? This is a life and death issue not one that can wait till someone graduates. ** or is there no importance on it really!}
FYI - Marijuana is not addictive, there is no withdraws there are no real cravings like other drugs. But marijuana is a GATEWAY drug witch leads to all the other drugs. It is illegal in all 50 states, federal law. It is a class A felony.
Be careful and tread lightly, if you push too hard they will go the other way.
Keep reading and posting.
Be well,
We all have something in common and we want to find a way to help the A. The fact of the matter is the disease has affected us also and we need help. We find it here and through f2f meetings with Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Please do go to the meeting you intend to it will help also.
I have heard so many times I will quit next week , next month but if they can't quit right now at this moment they will need professional help to quit. They cant do it on there own or they would have, and we are too close to help. This is a disease and if you were told by your DR you had a disease and you could passably die from it soon, would you put off the rehab till school was out? This is a life and death issue not one that can wait till someone graduates. ** or is there no importance on it really!}
FYI - Marijuana is not addictive, there is no withdraws there are no real cravings like other drugs. But marijuana is a GATEWAY drug witch leads to all the other drugs. It is illegal in all 50 states, federal law. It is a class A felony.
Be careful and tread lightly, if you push too hard they will go the other way.
Keep reading and posting.
Be well,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Tell me that if you don't smoke it your going to be sick, deathly sick! Really !!!
Dee74 as a moderator I would expect better out of you than to thread jack someone else's post! Just because you use it daily means nothing but your wanting to hide from reality. you want it you don't really need it. But that is your choice
Dee74 as a moderator I would expect better out of you than to thread jack someone else's post! Just because you use it daily means nothing but your wanting to hide from reality. you want it you don't really need it. But that is your choice
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
LOL I guess I should have been more precise.
My use is not current but I did use for 25 years....(I am very old
)
coming off it had its challenges, TMZ - irritability, sweats, paranoia, apathy, anxiety...it's not something I'd want to do again.
D
My use is not current but I did use for 25 years....(I am very old
)coming off it had its challenges, TMZ - irritability, sweats, paranoia, apathy, anxiety...it's not something I'd want to do again.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
There are boundaries that you can set right now. You can say that you will not allow pot in your home and you will not allow it in your car.
Once he graduates from high school, I would think about what you expect out of somebody living in your home. Do you expect him to work? go to school? do the dishes? do his laundry? buy his food? pay rent?
We allowed our oldest (non-addict) step-daughter to live at home until she graduated from high school. We ended up having to call the school repeatedly to make sure she graduated. After that, she had to work/go to school to stay in the house free. She choose to do neither one. We kicked her out--let her back in after she made promises--and kicked her back out again. Now (several years later) she lives in her own place, works hard, and is independent. I'm just saying that you might want to get some rules in place if you haven't already.
Have you talked to a counselor? You might want to consider seeing somebody who is good at working with teenagers with drug issues. My RABF started pot when he was in high school. His parents didn't understand it, and had no idea how to talk to him about it. He wishes that they had realized that he was having trouble with depression and anxiety, and was self-medicating. He wishes they had listened to him. Although, who knows what they really could have done for him at the time.
How is your son's behavior otherwise? How are his grades? Is he involved in other activities (besides school and pot)?
It is not your fault or your husband's fault for your son's addiction. Although, it might be good to be aware that your son could have some genetic tendencies toward addiction/alcoholism since he has a father with the disease.
Once he graduates from high school, I would think about what you expect out of somebody living in your home. Do you expect him to work? go to school? do the dishes? do his laundry? buy his food? pay rent?
We allowed our oldest (non-addict) step-daughter to live at home until she graduated from high school. We ended up having to call the school repeatedly to make sure she graduated. After that, she had to work/go to school to stay in the house free. She choose to do neither one. We kicked her out--let her back in after she made promises--and kicked her back out again. Now (several years later) she lives in her own place, works hard, and is independent. I'm just saying that you might want to get some rules in place if you haven't already.
Have you talked to a counselor? You might want to consider seeing somebody who is good at working with teenagers with drug issues. My RABF started pot when he was in high school. His parents didn't understand it, and had no idea how to talk to him about it. He wishes that they had realized that he was having trouble with depression and anxiety, and was self-medicating. He wishes they had listened to him. Although, who knows what they really could have done for him at the time.
How is your son's behavior otherwise? How are his grades? Is he involved in other activities (besides school and pot)?
It is not your fault or your husband's fault for your son's addiction. Although, it might be good to be aware that your son could have some genetic tendencies toward addiction/alcoholism since he has a father with the disease.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
SO now that you have made your statement I demand you tell me about your withdraws and your illness from not smoking Marijuana
Enlighten me on the addiction theory you have. Not the want or desire but the true addiction and the withdraws that can be life threatening. I am willing to learn but my knowledge and experiences have proven different than your clam. I think we would all like to know. Since the elephant is in the room.
Enlighten me on the addiction theory you have. Not the want or desire but the true addiction and the withdraws that can be life threatening. I am willing to learn but my knowledge and experiences have proven different than your clam. I think we would all like to know. Since the elephant is in the room.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
TMZ, I'm not sure why you are so focused on whether or not pot is an addictive substance. My RABF smoked pot before and during his addiction to pain pills. He used to wrap it up in duct tape and stick it up in the closet so that he could stop it for awhile. Pot is a mind-altering substance, and it was wrapped up in his addiction to pain pills. My AM has been addicted to pot for over 40 years. Believe me, it does not help her delicate mental health. She smoked a lot of it, including while she was driving. She also sold it to lots of people even though she had a small child (me) in the house.
I smoked it for several years. I noticed that I would have depression the next day (when I came off of it). I also noticed that I felt like I needed it to relax at parties. I smoked it along with drinking alcohol. I've never had a drug addiction, but felt like smoking pot was not good for my health. No, I did not become addicted. However, some people (my mom, my RABF), have a dependence on the drug.
I smoked it for several years. I noticed that I would have depression the next day (when I came off of it). I also noticed that I felt like I needed it to relax at parties. I smoked it along with drinking alcohol. I've never had a drug addiction, but felt like smoking pot was not good for my health. No, I did not become addicted. However, some people (my mom, my RABF), have a dependence on the drug.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I've shared my experience TMZ - as a member here I'm entitled to do that .
You can take it or leave it....or PM me privately if you want to pursue this
I'm not sure why you think it's appropriate to push the line you are on a recovery forum, but as a moderator here I suggest we get back to the OP
D
You can take it or leave it....or PM me privately if you want to pursue this
I'm not sure why you think it's appropriate to push the line you are on a recovery forum, but as a moderator here I suggest we get back to the OP
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by TMZ 
SO now that you have made your statement I demand you tell me about your withdraws and your illness from not smoking Marijuana .
Back to the OP......20/20 hindsight I wish I had done a few things as my AS began his adventures with drugs and alcohol.
1. I wish I had set clear boundaries. Heck I don't think I understood what a boundary was at that point.
2. I wish I had allowed him to experience the consequences of his drug use early on. I was justifying my behavior by thinking that I was saving him from making irreversible mistakes. When in reality, I was placing a pillow gently under his butt to keep him from feeling the sting of his activities. Those activities were child's play compared to what he's doing now.
3. Educate myself....which you are doing.
4. Stepped into the rooms of NarAnon or AlAnon.
The argument of whether or not pot is addictive is essentially irrelavant. It can ruin relationships, screw up employment opportunities, or land a person in jail.....those are indisputable facts.
By the way, welcome to SR....this is a great place to gain insight into addiction and codependence. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Hi Minnesota.....
Our sons are exactly the same age and mine has a huge issue with pot as well. My son started smoking pot about 3 years ago and it has progressed to the point where he smokes daily and when he is alone.
I understand how you feel - it scares me and upsets me...but most of all it's illegal. I am aware of the literature/research that speaks to whether pot is addictive. In the case of my son, I can safely say that he is at least psychologically addicted to it. There are also huge mood swings/behavior changes/not feeling well after he was had a weekend of using and the cuts back during the week. So ....addictive or not....it messes with him.
I've struggled to figure out my boundaries with this. I know that I should not set up ultimatimatums that I will not follow through on. A month ago I told him that if I found that he was using in my home that he could no longer live here. Personally, I want a drug free home and that's my bottom line. He smoked in my home on Thursday and that night I asked him to leave. I am not ready to cut him out of my life at this time and that is my issue....at least I've become aware enough not to set boundaries that I won't adhere to. It can possibly get to that point and I am ready to address it when it does. I believe that we all have different rates when we are ready to take certain stance.
I have particpated in Alanon for years now but it was because of "adult relationships". A they say....recovery is a practice. I realize now that all of those years I was practicing for what it is like to work a recovery program when it's your child using. I have never experienced the level of pain, sorrow, grief, devastation as I did when I asked him to move out.
But... the good news is that by taking a stance and adhering to my boundaries he has agreed to having an assessment this week. We're dialoguing/communicating and that's good. He knows that I love him but will not tolerate drugs in my home. It's my bottom line.
I just wanted to offer you my support as you go through this. I was at a meeting today and made this comment....the pain of this has made me feel like not living....but recovery has kept me from driving into a bridge. At the meeting this morning, I had a number of people that approached me and said that they were walking/had walked in my shoes. That was a huge help to me. You are not alone and with working a program there is a way to get through this........
Keep me posted on how you are doing....
Our sons are exactly the same age and mine has a huge issue with pot as well. My son started smoking pot about 3 years ago and it has progressed to the point where he smokes daily and when he is alone.
I understand how you feel - it scares me and upsets me...but most of all it's illegal. I am aware of the literature/research that speaks to whether pot is addictive. In the case of my son, I can safely say that he is at least psychologically addicted to it. There are also huge mood swings/behavior changes/not feeling well after he was had a weekend of using and the cuts back during the week. So ....addictive or not....it messes with him.
I've struggled to figure out my boundaries with this. I know that I should not set up ultimatimatums that I will not follow through on. A month ago I told him that if I found that he was using in my home that he could no longer live here. Personally, I want a drug free home and that's my bottom line. He smoked in my home on Thursday and that night I asked him to leave. I am not ready to cut him out of my life at this time and that is my issue....at least I've become aware enough not to set boundaries that I won't adhere to. It can possibly get to that point and I am ready to address it when it does. I believe that we all have different rates when we are ready to take certain stance.
I have particpated in Alanon for years now but it was because of "adult relationships". A they say....recovery is a practice. I realize now that all of those years I was practicing for what it is like to work a recovery program when it's your child using. I have never experienced the level of pain, sorrow, grief, devastation as I did when I asked him to move out.
But... the good news is that by taking a stance and adhering to my boundaries he has agreed to having an assessment this week. We're dialoguing/communicating and that's good. He knows that I love him but will not tolerate drugs in my home. It's my bottom line.
I just wanted to offer you my support as you go through this. I was at a meeting today and made this comment....the pain of this has made me feel like not living....but recovery has kept me from driving into a bridge. At the meeting this morning, I had a number of people that approached me and said that they were walking/had walked in my shoes. That was a huge help to me. You are not alone and with working a program there is a way to get through this........
Keep me posted on how you are doing....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My son is a meth addict, lost in his addiction somewhere for over 8 years. I Know your pain of watching your son take drugs...and pot IS a drug, a very harmful one from my experience working at a rehab for 2 years, listening to the sad stories here at SR, and observing pot users in my own life, including my son who started with pot...as did most of the young men in the rehab where I worked.
This is a recovery forum, so we will not allow debates about what drugs are more harmful than others...they all do harm if they destroy our lives. Bluebell shared how this almost destroyed her marriage and how it is destroying her relationship with her son.
Bluebell, I am so sorry for your pain and hope you find support here. Also, live meetings have helped so many of us here, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about us, and helping us regain our balance and face the addiction in a healthy way.
I will keep your son in my prayers, and also you and the rest of your family.
Hugs
This is a recovery forum, so we will not allow debates about what drugs are more harmful than others...they all do harm if they destroy our lives. Bluebell shared how this almost destroyed her marriage and how it is destroying her relationship with her son.
Bluebell, I am so sorry for your pain and hope you find support here. Also, live meetings have helped so many of us here, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about us, and helping us regain our balance and face the addiction in a healthy way.
I will keep your son in my prayers, and also you and the rest of your family.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by minnesota1
December 2011 and Out to lunch....I respect your opinions, however, as a parent I can help to influence which track to take. That does not mean that is the track he will go, but I can still influence it.
I am sorry to hear that you don't think smoking pot is an issue, but you are not in his shoes, and you don't have the history behind it, but thank you anyway. I will take all the support I can get from this forum as it is extremely helpful to me.
I am sorry to hear that you don't think smoking pot is an issue, but you are not in his shoes, and you don't have the history behind it, but thank you anyway. I will take all the support I can get from this forum as it is extremely helpful to me.
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