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Oh, the LIES in the tangled web he has weaved... he may end his life... :(

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Oh, the LIES in the tangled web he has weaved... he may end his life... :(

Old 03-28-2012, 04:44 PM
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Unhappy Oh, the LIES in the tangled web he has weaved... he may end his life... :(

... I just don't know where to start...

My soon to be ex addict husband has completely gone insane. I won't bore you with the long-winded events leading up to a few days ago, but he was contacting me about a motorbike we co-own together. My STXAB had bought this harley last year with money from an inheritance he received and we put it under both our names so he couldn't just go and sell it without my approval.

This bike is worth $23,000 and it's the last thing that ties us together. He was fighting me since we separated about getting possession of the bike. I agreed in our separation papers that he could have it, but refused to give it to him until he was sober. That never happened.

For the last week, he had been texting me with these Jekyll and Hyde rants:
"I am giving you $4,000 from the sale of the bike." to
"You don't deserve any of the money... it's MY bike!!!" to
"I can't take this anymore, I'm signing the bike over to you... it's yours."

The last comment above shocked me to my core. My brother was visiting from Alberta and so he went with me to meet my STXAH at a coffee shop where he actually signed the bike over. I asked him 'why' (when just prior he was telling me I wouldn't see a penny of it) and he indicated that he just wanted "it all to be over."

My STXAH has lied several times to me before, but the following my friends, was award worthy:

He had called me the day before he signed the bike over to say that he had just got his job to work back up North and that he was leaving this Wed (today) and just wanted to give me the bike and be done with it all. A big part of me didn't believe a word he was saying, but he had flight times, details etc., that one would have to go to some 'effort' to fabricate. So when my brother and I met him at a coffee shop so he could sign over the bike, he had these 'travel insurance papers' sitting beside his laptop etc. and at glance, they looked legitimate.

He had asked if I could give him a $1,000 to tie him over until his first pay cheque, but I said I could only give him $500 and then he willingly signed the bike to me. I know I can get $15,000+ when I do sell the motorcycle, and I wasn't even going to see any of this money anyway, so I know I do come out ahead financially on this. It's actually a blessing. The motorcycle is officially/legally in my name only, so my STXAH has absolutely NO reason to be contacting me again whatsoever.

The CRAZY thing out of all this he was completely untruthful about going up North to work! Everything was a lie!! I was/am in shock at the energy and time and effort that was gone into this huge fabrication... and for what... $500? I know addicts do the stupidest things to get their fix, but I know my STXAH is somewhat lazy and for him to do all of this just for $500 is insane... it just doesn't make sense.

I spoke to his mum today because I have a bad feeling something is going to go down over the next few days and she as well feels that he may end up taking his life. He called her this morning and said he had no where to go... he was homeless and she said "Oh, that's too bad. Keep me in the loop of what happens okay?" I was very proud of her for that... very proud. She would never have done that a few months ago... would have been beside herself wondering what he was doing etc., but man, that was great and I wanted her to know that. Of course STXAH was FURIOUS and started yelling at her, blaming her for everything that went wrong in his life etc., Granted, she had her faults and she does have her own addiction issues, but he can't keep blaming what's happening to him TODAY on his family.

I'm praying right now that whatever happens, it happens sooner than later... I'm not afraid for my safety, but I have this terrible feeling that he may try to harm himself/end his life with me witnessing it (ie: doing it outside our apartment or in a very public place by our home - we live by lots of cafes etc.) so I would know... I can't explain it. It's like he's going through the biggest temper tantrum "FINE, if YOU WON'T do what I WANT, then I'll go kill myself... and then you'll feel horrible!!!"

Why else would he just sign almost $15k+ cash away like that?!?! It just doesn't make sense.

I also got a call after I chatted with his mum - that he went to this church by our house and left his backpack there. The only reason why the church called me was that he had a prescription receipt in there with my number on it...and his mum had said he only had a backpack ... now that is gone. I refuse to go and get it or rummage through it... I'm going to leave it. My brother thinks I should go see if there's any cash etc., but I just can't. I can't get sucked up into his mess anymore.

Poke me with a fork... I'm done. It's a very sad moment to REALLY realize that my marriage is REALLY over. I just have nothing left... and don't want to be dragged down further into this chaos a moment longer. I still had very faint hope that eventually my STXAH and I would eventually reconcile, esp. if he had a strong year of sobriety under his belt. He can't however, stay sober or stop looking at porn, or treating others so terribly for even a few weeks... and now... he's out there either scoring, selling himself or ending his life and there's nothing I can (or want to) do...

... it's just so fecking sad... what a waste.
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Old 03-28-2012, 05:33 PM
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Yeah, I agree, peculiar.

Is the bike in a location where it could be stolen or vandalized? Did he sign the official title, or just some paper stating he was signing ownership over to you? Does he hold insurance on it he could claim, if something were to happen to the bike before the title transfer is made official?

CLMI
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Old 03-28-2012, 05:43 PM
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Hi CLMI,

Thanks for your note. The bike is in a secured underground parking lot with a heavy duty Harley chain around the front tire. It also has storage insurance (for theft/vandalism).

My STXAH signed over the bike completely. Where I live, you get transfer papers, sign them and go from there. The bike is legally mine now as I went to the auto-broker and got them to transfer the name of the motorbike just under my name. He has absolutely no recourse at all on this...

... that's why I think it's so strange. Addicts don't just 'give up' potential money like that (especially him). He was willing to make my life a living hell until I just gave him the bike to get him out of my hair. Believe me, he TRIED for a good solid 3 days. I ended up telling him that I would gladly sign the bike over to him because I wanted a divorce. Up to this point, I had never uttered the "D" word... ever.

The next day, this is when he said he gave up and was just giving it to me with no strings attached (I have all the text messages as proof as well as my brother who was there as a witness) and signed it over for a 'measly' $500.

I have no idea where he is or what he's doing... I just think I'm going to be getting a call sooner than later and it's not going to be good news. Like I said, there's nothing I can or want to do at this point except to just keep on foot in front of the other and sell the bike asap. Storage insurance alone per month is almost $80! ;(

Here's a prayer to everyone who is being affected by addiction this evening.

Hugs,
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Old 03-28-2012, 06:22 PM
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Perhaps he was just so desperate for a fix he knew he could get some money from you by signing over the bike. Sure, he made a very bad deal but he got $500 which should keep him high for a bit. In my experience addicts aren't good long term thinkers; more concerned with what they can get right now as opposed to having to wait for something better in the future.

I hope he's not planning on suicide. Sending prayers your way.
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Old 03-28-2012, 06:26 PM
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Hmmmm. Well, at this point, I'll pull out my recovery tools and stop thinking further on what the addict is doing.

To turn and say, good progress on your part!

CLMI
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Old 03-28-2012, 08:40 PM
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Originally Posted by catlovermi View Post
Hmmmm. Well, at this point, I'll pull out my recovery tools and stop thinking further on what the addict is doing.

To turn and say, good progress on your part!

CLMI
Agreed. My first instinct was "he probably needed the money for drugs." Then my al-anon brain kicked in and said "why does it matter?"
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Old 03-28-2012, 09:18 PM
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CanfixOnlyme: Hugs and Prayers going out to you! So sorry for all this chaos and drama. Listen to your gut feelings. And my gut feeling is, "don't go out to the church to pick up his backpack". Not sure why, but could be a set up, murder/suicide, who knows, but try and let it go, give him up to God/HP.

Saying prayers for all tonight.
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Old 03-28-2012, 10:37 PM
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I think one of the best things I ever heard was "God loves him more than you do."

I think this statement can be powerfully healing when we are in the throes of codependent despair...but also good to remember as we become free from the toxic ties and enter into our own deeper recovery. Sometimes guilt will continue to bubble up. Seek forgiveness from guilt, and seek clarity in discerning false guilt/blame. Pray for yourself and the still struggling. There but for the grace of god go I.
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:19 PM
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Yes, thank you all for your words. I know we are in our own addiction hell in one form or another but then again, we have the power to get out of it and start healing ourselves ... and just let our addicts "GO"... thank you thank you thank you. Each of you are in my prayers this eve. xo
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