Erynn

Just wanted to share some stuff that's been going on. Had an incident with my XABF yesterday, and it confirmed that walking away was the best decision I could have ever made for me. The last time we spoke was Feb 26th, and it was one of those long emails from him. He's great with the emails, and words. But that's all it is.. just words. Haven't heard a peep from him since, ran into him on the street one day, and ran the other way. Way he went out of his way yesterday to advertise that he had acquired a 'new victim'. After blowing hot air about working on himself, finding himself, didn't want a relationship and was unable to commit. Yet still in denial that he's in active addiction. If you read my other post, he says he's magically 'cured'. However, his DOC run deep.. women, heroin, coke, alcohol, steriods - you name it. His Facebook has been deactivated since we reconnected back in Dec. He went out of his way to reactivate it, post a photo of his new gf, and make only his relationship status public. I felt sick. Not even because of the situation = but because I cannot believe I loved this person, and believed in him. He's become so ugly to me, and literally makes me sick. He advertised it. So I went thru our mutual friends, and just either deleted or requested that my friends please remove him. I do not want him keeping any tabs on me and vice versa. He sent me a message, being a jerk. Then deletes his FB so I can't reply. I wake up this morning too, AN EMAIL. Now it's the crazy making, or Jekyll & Hyde. He loves me, he'll always love me, please, he needs me to look down inside and find a way to be his friend.. on and on and on. Are they for real sometimes?! I deleted my email account, and created a new one. Blocked his email on FB in case he reactivates it. He doesn't have my number anymore, and I've removed as many connections as I possibly can. I even called my landlord and got out of my lease for June 1st. Moving. Ready for a fresh start.

Now my question is.. any advice, other then staying busy, to keep your thoughts from straying towards them? I'm so disgusted that someone could treat people this way. He's done it to all his family and now me. I don't think he'll ever change. He's now in his 3rd relationship, no recovery what so ever, actively using - and well the saying goes 'nothing changes if nothing changes'.

Thanks for letting me spill

story74

Sounds like you are getting away from him! Good job!!!! As far as stop thinking about him....when you find away let me know! its been almost a year and I think about my xah everyday. I can't wait for the day he isn't in my thoughts! I'm happy and I have accepted, but he is still there. I'm still healing. I think it will just take time. Like I said, it sounds like getting him out of your life is the first step. Just be glad you don't have kids with him. Makes it much easier! Good luck and carry on!

zoso77

Oh, how I can relate to "disgust".

As far as your thoughts go...it just is. When my AXGF made a rather inglorious exit, for me, that was it. I basically closed a door in my mind, locked that door, and threw the key in the deepest part of the ocean. I accept that she pops into my head every day. I just don't let it affect me. Every day, I thank God for what He's given me in terms of gifts, talents, and (most importantly) the people in my life who love and care for me. And when I compare my AXGF to those people, and the love and support they've given me...well, I'm just thankful that she's gone. So, thinking about your AXBF isn't in and of itself a bad thing. It's only bad when you give it the power to adversely affect you. And from what you've described in your post, Thank God he's gone.

ZoSo

Skye10

I think you are doing a great job...time heals A LOT!!! Just relax and give yourself that time, to put the distance between you and him. Soon you will be filling those thoughts of him with new thoughts and memories, of a better life!

I too can relate to the disgust...feeling sick that I could ever believe in this person and love him. I know in my heart I am better then that, and I deserve to be treated with respect and love, something he never gave me.

Ann

The best way to move on is to "move on". When your thoughts turn to yesterdays, make a u-turn and get back in today. When resentments fill your heart, use the antidote forgiveness and let the pain go.

If we learn from the past it no longer becomes one big mistake, it becomes the lesson that will help us do better next time.

Good luck, you deserve happiness in your life and you alone hold the key.

Hugs

Erynn

Thank you all, I going to continue keepin on, and keep it going forward. I like, as anyone else, all of you deserve SO much more, and I won't ever forget that again!!

Zoso - I've seen some of your posts across the forum and on the boards. I think our XABF's are related haha Just kidding, but he also has borderline, ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, and Narcissicim to an unhealthy degree. Has some severe mental health issues that aren't being addressed. I remind my self that it was 70% bad, and that the actions he showed are his true colors. Very ugly and sick. Not someone that deserves any piece of me ever again.

Erynn

I also remind myself to put my focus on the people that do treat me right, and that have been there for me throughout everything, good & bad. They deserve my love, and care That helps too - to give back to those you love, and know it's appreciated, and cherished.