hope213

jay, i am glad you are stepping back & looking at the picture. make sure u look at the whole picture. she is not going to get any better & you can not make her,. the addict has got to want to do better & i can tell she is not ready. things will get worse. the addict has to hit their bottom before they can even think they want to stop using. unless u want to go down with her i would step really far back. my son is my addict & it is hard to do because u thnk u can help them when the truth is you are just helping them use. keep coming back & let us know how things are.

Jayy11

I didn't speak to her at all yesterday. She didn't call me and I didn't call her. And it was nice. It was a calm day and it felt as it a weight was lifted off me for a day. She tried calling today when I was at work and I just didn't feel like answering the phone. I could have but just didn't want to. I dread a confrontation and argument. We got into it bad the other night when I confronted her and she got upset and told be that she didn't play the blame game or make excuses. And it's all she's done for the past 5 months.

I just don't feel like talking to her at all. It kind of makes me feel bad but I just want not to talk to her and concentrate on work and taking care of my mother.

Heartbroken0608

Good for you! Sounds like you're taking good care of yourself.

I, too, dread confrontation. Must be a co-de trait. .

Might want to think about blocking her number so you don't have to feel that angst when you see her calling and have to go through the inner turmoil of deciding not to answer the phone.

outtolunch

Confronting someone who is addicted to drugs accomplishes nothing.

feelsolow

Definitely try to make yourself happy through all of this. I am trying to do the same. My natural instinct is to help people and try to fix there problems but it took 2 1/2 years to realize I couldn't do either for my boyfriend and father of my child. He is addicted to opiate and he would take adderoll occasionally but stopped after having scary blackouts. He is now in recovery at a rehab facility and going to a half way house after that. I went to family week at the rehab and he told me he needed space to work on finding his true identity but for me not take it the wrong way but of course because I'm codependent I was scared he will leave me. After coming here and reading and asking I am going to start working on me. I hope you do the same. If she happens to ask why you won't talk to her simply say you will not support her until she decides to support herself. Good luck and hang in there!

Jayy11

I talked with her last night and it wasn't pretty. It just seems like she doesn't have any desire to do good for herself. Deep down I think she may want to, but she doesn't put forth any effort at all. And when I told her I wasn't coming to see her anymore while she's the way she is, she flipped out.

I take good care of myself. I'm in shape and I like to look presentable. She doesn't give a damn how she looks and I can't be with someone like that. Not even taking the time to look good for the person you're with is pitiful. For some reason, she thinks people owe her. I don't quite understand it. I do know now first hand what adderall does to people and how it changes their looks. Terrible. Her sisters gave her some work to do and she couldn't even do it properly and she told me she couldn't finish it. I think she didn't finish it because she went to meet someone and get pills. She swore to me yesterday she hasn't done adderall in 6 months. I don't believe her.

Like someone ^^^ said before, Vyvanse must be just as bad as Adderall.

Jayy11

She and I got into it yesterday. Actually, I just listened as she screamed at me over the phone about how I've pulled away from her. I explained to her I was sick and tired of the way she acts and how she thinks I should do more to show her I care. I've spent alot of money going to see her and she told me I've done NOTHING to show her I care. When I tell her that I've spent hundreds going to see her she gets mad. Then when I asked her what she's done for me, she gets mad.

She also said she was going to get her number changed a few months ago so "people" couldn't get in touch with her. She never did. Yesterday, she said she was on her way to get it changed so I couldn't get in touch with her.

She also finally told me that she was on vyvanse...refering to the first posts on her behavior, appearance and all the above. Ugh....I can't be forced to put up with that crap anymore.

So I guess vyvanse is adderall's close cousin.

Windmills

She's changing her number so you can't contact her? Personally I would take that and run with it, if I was in your situation. Run far and run fast. She's told you she doesn't want contact- allow that to happen. It's toxic, she's angry and bitter and hurtful. It's all herherherher. What are you getting from maintaining any relationship with her?

Jayy11

Absolutely nothing. It's too damn stressful for me to deal with. It's just a shame to see someone that was so pretty end up looking like a 50 year old drug addict. She's 38.

She also said she went to her "doc" and that he made a mistake and prescribed her double what her vyvanse was supposed to be. That's why she was acting all crazy a few weeks ago. She also said she never picked at herself when she was on adderall. It's just one thing after a f'ing nother and I'm sick of it all.

I saw someone post something about "vampire". That's exactly what this crap is. Sucking the damn life right out of me.

I've take several steps back and have no desire to go see her. Her dog is very sick and I spent over an hour on the phone one day trying to find a place to take it. I finally found a place, made an appointment and she didn't even go. Sat home and said she was sick. The dog is going to probably have to be put down before long.

It's just pathetic and pitiful and I'm done with the "vampire".

Phishfan

I'm an alcoholic and I am currently prescribed aderall, a drug I took occasionally before being prescribed and I did a little meth, not much. What you are describing sounds much more like meth to me. Not sure it matters though, she is showing manifest physical symptoms of drug use. she is in denial and is not ready to change. You can either accept her or love her but remove yourself from the situation. I am struggling with the same thing with my brother who has many drinking related incidents and who I have taken to meetings but who has chosen to continue drinking. I realize how difficult it is to do what I am suggesting. Good advice I got from others when trying to help my brother was first and foremost, put my recovery first and walk away before jeopardizing my sobriety. I was told I likely would be the worst person to carry the message because everything coming from me would sound like judgment and fall upon deaf ears. I did a twelfth step call with a friend of his in recovery and someone he doesn't know. I told him I love him and care about him, then I let the other guys do all the talking. He went to some meetings but hasn't stopped, but he and I are still close and talk openly. I doubt this would have happened had I tried to get him into recovery by myself. Finally, I was told there is nothing I can do until he is ready other than to be the best example of how sobriety has been great for me while letting him know I love him and will help him if I can. If he asks me for help, great. If not, he knows I care at least.

Vale

"She said she was on.........."

One of the hardest things is making sense of what they say.
We codies find ourselves making 'logic diagrams' to see if ANYTHING addicts say makes ANY SENSE at all.......stop trying---it doesn't, and never will!!!!!