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Feel Guilty for making boundaries

Old 03-21-2012, 10:27 PM
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Feel Guilty for making boundaries

I've come a long way but not far enough I guess. Lived with an addict on and off for over ten years. He has disability and physical problems, can't take care of himself. After last year of absolute insanity I finally moved out on my own in June. I live 40 minutes away from Addict, but still see him several times a week to bring him food, do his laundry and help him clean his place.

I started to talk about moving across country to our home towns and he wants to come. He wants to move in with me. I was actually using pot at the time, and had tapered down off the booze. Going to meetings also. Finally dropped it all a week ago and everything looks different. I am not sure that I want to set myself up to live with him again. He is angry because I told him I don't want to be around him when he uses anymore and I think he may realize I am having second thoughts about us going back to live together. he is convinced he uses crack and booze for the chronic pain he suffers. He is on methadone too. He actually started to cover and care for his wounds when he thought we were going to move back east together, it gave him hope. You know I'm not sure I'm thinking clearly but I have dropped everyone I knew except him. And I just don't know if I want to deal with him anymore. He called me 3 times yesterday even though he knew I was in a meeting. I think he was getting around to asking me for money (again) and I got mad and said Foff and hung up. I know that's immature. I almost don't care if I ever see him again yet I feel so weird and wrong. I know I love him but he disappoints me constantly.

I am afraid, I've been on my own now for 8 months and in recovery and committed to being clean and working on my relationship with God. He continually disappoints me and still wastes his $900 disability check every month in 5 days, I pay his rent and make sure he's OK. i don't know what I'm doing. I just feel so guilty. I just got diagnosed with thyroid grave's disease and am seeing double, and having heart palpitations. I can't handle any stress. No matter what, my problems dont amount to a hill of beans and his problems are always more important. What is wrong with me? Can someone talk some sense into me? It was so hard to get away from living with him.
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Old 03-22-2012, 06:05 AM
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Ann
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The stress of leaving to live a healthy life yourself, will lessen in time and get better. The stress of staying will continue the path you are already on.

For the sake of your health, I hope you make a healthy choice.

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Old 03-22-2012, 08:40 AM
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You have value and it is not less than his. You are not his only option. It's very common for codies to feel that they have no other options.

I hope you choose to take care of you. You're worth it.

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ke
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Old 03-22-2012, 09:34 AM
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Thank you Ann and Kindeyes, I appreciate your responses. There is some great helpful info on this forum, especially the stickies are really good. Bless you.
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