Kindeyes

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this nightmare. I also understand what it feels like to fear my son......although he has never made any threats of any kind. His anger scars me--it is very volitile. He hangs out with people who scare me and his philosophical rants have been very frightening. He has been beaten (pistol whipped) by one of his "associates"....but he still goes back. The multiple scars across his head are like a badge of honor in that crowd. It is very frightening.

I'm glad you have an alarm. We installed one just a few months ago and it has been a Godsend. It allows me to sleep at night and feel that my home is safe during the day.

Please remember that addicts use our fear as a weapon. If they can keep us afraid, it serves THEIR purpose.....to control us. F.ear O.bligation G.uilt = FOG. They use those tools to keep our brains fogged and it works very effectively if we don't work very hard to prevent it from doing so.

Take care of you and know that we are walking with you.

gentle hugs
ke

chicory

KuanYin,
I hold you in my thoughts today. I know this pain in your heart is awful. not so much fear for yourself, but pain that your son is in this horrible place. Perhaps he will find his bottom soon, as he hopefully comes to see how desperate he has become. I would imagine that he is needing his drugs, badly, to lash out so blindly to those he most surely does love, and he knows he is loved and may be able to push your buttons because of it.
i hope he safely finds a bottom, maybe jail would give him time to cool off and see the truth .
desperate people do desperate things. protect yourself and dont hesitate to do what you need to do to be safe.

hugs
chicory

KuanYin

He is desperate and he is lashing out. I'm amazed as I read these posts at the similarities we share. My AS was beaten and stabbed several years ago, beaten with a spiked mace club that looked like something out of the stone ages. He lived to tell about it but just barely, and neither one of us has gotten over it, probably never will.

You're so right about the FOG. It sure feels like I'm in a fog lately. As far as being afraid, in the past I have been afraid he was going to harm himself, or try to harm police officers coming to pick him up for various reasons (VOP, Baker Act, etc.) but I had been able to find and remove any weapons he had gotten hold before he harmed himself or an officer. Odd thing is, one time I gave the gun to the officers on scene. Even though I had no idea where the weapon came from, and my son is a convicted felon, nothing happened as a result of him having the gun!

As for the shady or tough characters, gang members he used to (still does) hang around with, if I felt any fear I never let it show. I stood my ground with them, no matter how many prison tats, or tear drop tattooes, whatever, I never let them intimidate me. But now I think I'm battle-weary. Worn thin, been running on empty for way too long. Although my AS has been extremely verbally abusive to me and emotionally abusive, and disrespectful, he has never come outright and made a statement to me - until yesterday - that was a direct threat.

Jail. Oh how I wish. That would be a godsend right now. At least 5 years would be a good start on sobering up.

Thank you for all the prayers. We need them and appreciate them now more than ever.

helpme33

My son is turning 34 and I thought I was through with all of my son's drama. He had been clean and sober for one year and I foolishly was in denial when he started again.

My son started at a very early age, has been in jail A LOT, 2 court ordered rehabs. Stole everything I had. Gave 2 friends he had just met keys to my car to steal and sat up to make sure they didn't come back to steal more, the police called me (when the boys were caught they told the truth) and said you have a huge problem at home that you need to take care of. DUH!!!!!

He let his friends break in and completely wipe me out. My saving grace was I received a promotion and moved 30 miles away.

My son always told me I was his only family (dad never was in the picture) and he did not have close relationship with his sister. Same story as everyone else here!!!

Then 2 years ago he had met the girl of his dreams and quit his job to go to school full time. They were working part time jobs and for a year things seemed OK. Then she started emailing me asking me for money and I just ignored here. They came to visit 1 time on the way back from a concert. She is 37 and had so many sticckers on her car you would think she was 12. I was not impressed and they borrowed money to get home. I was just glad to see them go!

Then they would fight and she would call me ranting. She left messages that I should be in prison for the things I had done to him and on and on! He was homeless and I was trying to help him finish that semester. Then her calls were so bad that I called the police to stop the harrassment. I found out the truth, and he had been conning me for about six months just to get money. I did feel like a fool!

I have always sent him nice checks for his birthday and Christmas. He doesn't even know my birthday and last Christmas sent me an ecard about 9 days late.

I'm tired of him and I never thought my gifted son would turn out this way. I had always thought he would grow up one day.

I don't know where he is and she has run off all of his friends (his fault for letting her). But he always contacts me around his birthday and Christmas, this year is different. I should have stopped it years ago, I will treat him exactly as he treats me!!!

If I do hear from him I will say happy birthday and that is it!! It does help to post and talk to parents that are going through the same problems.

If you think he is dangerous I would contact the police. Luckly we live in a different state! I was more concerned about the psycho girlie harming me than him!!!!

KuanYin

Thanks to all of your support and encouragement, I made it through the birthday weekend! I admit, I allowed anxiety and worry to get the better of me a few times, but I didn't cave in to it, didn't answer the phone at all, didn't attempt to contact him, so this feels like somewhat of an accomplishment.

helpme33, I know what you mean, my AS always lays it on thick right before his birthday and Christmas. And he too has a crazy AGF. (I thought she was an "ex" but apparently that was a lie). Your post triggered another memory - once when my AS was in jail, and I refused to bail him out, he called one of his "homeboys" to burglarize my house, and of course to come bail him out. So the guy indeed watched our house (back then it was just me and my two sons) until I left to take my younger son to school. He broke in the house, stole all my AS's nice clothes and shoes, and the small safe out of my bedroom closet. And conveniently forgot to go bail his buddy out of jail.