son kicked out of sober living: Long post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
son kicked out of sober living: Long post
Everyone, many may know that my Mom was suffering from terminal lung cancer. She passed away while visiting us on 2-25-12. My son was released from rehab on 2-20 and obtained a sober living facility on 2-22. My Mom was his master enabler with me running a close second. He saw my Mom once before she passed and then, he called us on 2-26 and we had to let him know she passed. He came to the house to grieve with us and we had her cremated a few days later. Then we saw him at the remembrance for her on 3-1. All went "okay" for the next week and I saw him for one last dinner on 3-7. I went to Virginia to handle all of the horrible tasks the oldest child and best friend of her Mom would do, ie: house , memories, cleaning, disposing of stuff, etc. I get a call on 3-10 from the hospital saying my son was brought in due to thoughts of suicide. I went crazy. I had a near nervous breakdown since I was 3000 miles away. long story short, my son stayed in there until 3-13, his 22nd birthday. He was released and called me on 3-14, saying he had nowhere to go and that he had violated his parole. He said he was going to turn himself in the next day. My husband got him a hotel room for one night near the parole office. He checked out on 3-15 and no one has heard from him since, since he has no phone and no address.
I read the other recent posts, and know I am NOT ALONE. I ask for your prayers and support. Just losing my Mom suddenly while she was visiting me (she passed right in front of my eyes), has my head and heart and gut telling me he has also taken his life. I can check anytime to see if he has been arrested, and so far, no.
Please send your support. I cannot do anything now but pray. If we don't hear from him in the next few days, should I submit a missing person report?
Needless to say, I am hopelessly devastated right now. I appreciate ALL of your advice and support during this most darkest moment I think I have ever experienced since 2-25-12.
I read the other recent posts, and know I am NOT ALONE. I ask for your prayers and support. Just losing my Mom suddenly while she was visiting me (she passed right in front of my eyes), has my head and heart and gut telling me he has also taken his life. I can check anytime to see if he has been arrested, and so far, no.
Please send your support. I cannot do anything now but pray. If we don't hear from him in the next few days, should I submit a missing person report?
Needless to say, I am hopelessly devastated right now. I appreciate ALL of your advice and support during this most darkest moment I think I have ever experienced since 2-25-12.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington
Posts: 176
Oh my goodness, Im so sorry. How awful! I really hope your son is ok and hasn't done anything stupid. Has he disappeared like this before? Does he usually leave it this long between contacting you? Thinking of you. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Oh Teresa... I am so sorry. Personally I would file a missing persons report. I've done so myself numerous times. I will be praying that your son is found safe and that you find some peace.
My condolences on the loss of your mom. I'm sure she's watching over your son - and you - right now.
((hugs))
My condolences on the loss of your mom. I'm sure she's watching over your son - and you - right now.
((hugs))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so sorry. I understand your pain. I'm adding my prayers for you and your son. I know it is hard not to do, but please try not to project..It just makes the pain and worry worse. I had to truly let go and trust my HP. There were times when I had to surrender over and over in a matter of hours. Please stay close, we care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Thanks everyone. I am going to file the missing persons report on Monday which gives him time to figure out stuff if he is still here in this world . His MO is, get away with everything you can before calling home... I pray he is somewhere alive.
Love
T
Love
T
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Teresa,
my heart hurts for you, and i am so very sorry about your mom. This is a terrible time to have added worry, and grief.
I understand why you would imagine the worst, your mind is tired and when I am tired, I find it very hard to do anything but think the worst. As you said, his MO is to be scarce at times. He is probably alright, going through his own grief, and will turn up soon. I know it is hard not to worry, as a mom.
I will be thinking of you, and keeping your dear son and you in my prayers. Keep posting, and, know that we are here for you.
chicory
my heart hurts for you, and i am so very sorry about your mom. This is a terrible time to have added worry, and grief.
I understand why you would imagine the worst, your mind is tired and when I am tired, I find it very hard to do anything but think the worst. As you said, his MO is to be scarce at times. He is probably alright, going through his own grief, and will turn up soon. I know it is hard not to worry, as a mom.
I will be thinking of you, and keeping your dear son and you in my prayers. Keep posting, and, know that we are here for you.
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
If you can, don't be alone with this grief and fear. Do you have a girlfriend who will come and stay with you a few days? Anyone who can come and stay with you? Whenever I have hit my lowest, I have sent out a call and asked for a friend's presence. It always makes everything seem easier to cope with.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I were there, I would wrap a blanket around you and feed you something warm. Some soup. You need someone there with you. Or to go stay with someone. Think about it, okay?
Sending you many angels to gather all around you and let you know you are not alone.
We have such intense panic when we have no information. Breathe deeply, often. Place everything in God's hands.
God bless your mother's spirit and your son's life.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I were there, I would wrap a blanket around you and feed you something warm. Some soup. You need someone there with you. Or to go stay with someone. Think about it, okay?
Sending you many angels to gather all around you and let you know you are not alone.
We have such intense panic when we have no information. Breathe deeply, often. Place everything in God's hands.
God bless your mother's spirit and your son's life.
. I am sorry about your mom too, that's rough.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your mom.Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Wow. That is SO much to be dealing with at once, but I can almost relate. Try to remember that addicts use this kind of drama to create anxiety in their loved ones as a form of manipulation. (I know this is certainly true for my son.) If our anxiety about their safety and well-being becomes too much for us to bear, we will do anything to make that axiety go away....like telling them to come home, or giving them $100, or getting them into rehab, etc. It's a vicious cycle....and after a while it becomes unbearable! At times I've felt suicidal or that I'm going crazy myself. This has been my experience. I'm on my knees, praying for acceptance and more courage, asking my HP to carry me through this fire. I come here to SR for the companionship of those who understand.
I am always comforted when someone says, "We are walking with you." We are. Please keep us updated on how you are feeling and coping. You're in my prayers.
I am always comforted when someone says, "We are walking with you." We are. Please keep us updated on how you are feeling and coping. You're in my prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Wow, thank you all for the wonderful support. I want you to know that I have a very strong support system, Husband, two other kids and wonderful friends who are "walking" with me on this dark path. Everyone concurs that he will choose and only he will choose when he wants to talk to us. I agree that my exhausted state of mind from dealing with the last 2 weeks of pure grief and sorrow have made me even more susceptible to awfulizing everything. Sadly, my son spent his 21st AND his 22nd birthdays in a detox 5150 situation due to Heroin. I hope this is the last birthday he ever spends alone. Now he has to face the consequences of breaking his probation. I will keep everyone posted. I am going to do what you all have done: give it up and trust in my HP to carry me.
Love
T
Love
T
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I don't know if this helps or not, but I was very good at "disappearing" when I was using, trying to figure out whether to quit, etc. I had a warrant on me for MONTHS before they finally got me. I pray that he gets caught or he gets tired of the lifestyle and seeks recovery...soon.
I'm glad you have a lot of support. I know I was pretty much a mess when my mom died, but it certainly helped to have supportive people around.
Continuing to send hugs, prayers to you, your son and your family,
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm glad you have a lot of support. I know I was pretty much a mess when my mom died, but it certainly helped to have supportive people around.
Continuing to send hugs, prayers to you, your son and your family,
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
