Divorce/ annulment from addict spouse

Old 03-16-2012, 09:50 AM
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Divorce/ annulment from addict spouse

I accidentally posted this in the alcoholic family forum by mistake so I'm reposting here.

I spoke with the family law attorney yesterday, and he seems to think I have a strong case for annulment and divorce from my AH. I'm just afraid that the legal fees are going to escalate to unaffordable amounts.

My AH has said numerous times that he will not sign annulment or divorce paperwork from me, so I'm fairly sure that it will be contested, which would cost me much more than if he was agreeable.

Anyway, to those that have gone through this process, I'd like to hear your experiences. Also if you've separated or gone through mediation, I'd love to hear that too.
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Old 03-16-2012, 10:30 AM
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loneywife..I am from NJ and not familiar with the divorce laws in NY, but wanted to share my story. I have been seperated from my exah since dec.2009 and divorce finalized this past april. neither one of us contested it.
however, it was a brutal process. very emotional and draining. I recommend
a few things, first off try mediation it will save money from legal costs (we didnt do that because he was too drugged & combative) also try to do most
of the leg work yourself, you can search on the internet how the divorce process works.
at a recent divorce support group an attorney spoke and said the following:
"marriage is about love, divorce is about money".."dont waste your time & money telling your attorney emotional things"...get your ducks in a row (assets, debt, settlement ideas of alimony,child support etc.) most importantly I say from my own exp. that you need to be ready to battle both
mentally,emotionally and have knowledge of all your marital affairs.
Im so sorry your having to go through this. It is a difficult decision to make when our spouses are addicts.
Please try to seek support as well with divorce groups, like alanon, the people
are very caring and you will need support with every step of the divorce process, I wish I had attended meetings from day 1. (while seperated)
divorce is just the first step in further detaching yourself from him, you will still need to heal from this too.
wish you the best...stay strong
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Loneywife (03-16-2012)
Old 03-16-2012, 10:34 AM
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Thank you for sharing your experience, it is helping to make the situation more clear to me about what I need to do.
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Old 03-16-2012, 06:41 PM
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Just as there are message boards for Addiction & Recovery, there are good message boards out there for state-by-state divorce laws and proceedings. Just google "NY divorce message board" (or forum) and see if you can find one. I bet you can get some really good info on how to save money and energy, like tam did here.

It's not going to be easy so remember that we're here for you when you need to vent.
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Loneywife (03-17-2012)
Old 03-17-2012, 12:33 PM
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Thanks for the info, I appreciate it
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Old 03-17-2012, 02:05 PM
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You'll be in my prayers as you go through this difficult time.

gentle hugs
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