memories
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
memories
Yesterday I went to the Toys-r-Us with my BF for the first time in years. What can I say, he likes video games, puzzles, and action figures (Star Wars) ….nerd
Anyhow, when we got out of the car at the toy store this young man came up with a gas can in hand-glazed eyes asking for gas money. I thought, wow- this is my son.
Then I get in the store shaking off the sadness, when this sad feeling came over me.
I remembered the time when my son was little and I went to toys-r-us to get him that one toy he wanted so badly; a Dark Wing Duck video game, which I saved for a month to get. I was a single mom and games were expensive back then. I think he was around 8.
I also remembered all the Toys-R-Us ads we got in the mail around Xmas time when I was a kid. We (brother and sis) were so excited to get the ads, and we circled all the toys we wanted for Xmas. The sad this is, that my parents were to poor (dad was addicted and they both didn’t work) to actually buy us toys. We hoped and got excited like we were getting them- not sure why.
I guess I feel sad for my son and for me sometimes.
I still had a good day, but you know....
Anyhow, when we got out of the car at the toy store this young man came up with a gas can in hand-glazed eyes asking for gas money. I thought, wow- this is my son.
Then I get in the store shaking off the sadness, when this sad feeling came over me.
I remembered the time when my son was little and I went to toys-r-us to get him that one toy he wanted so badly; a Dark Wing Duck video game, which I saved for a month to get. I was a single mom and games were expensive back then. I think he was around 8.
I also remembered all the Toys-R-Us ads we got in the mail around Xmas time when I was a kid. We (brother and sis) were so excited to get the ads, and we circled all the toys we wanted for Xmas. The sad this is, that my parents were to poor (dad was addicted and they both didn’t work) to actually buy us toys. We hoped and got excited like we were getting them- not sure why.
I guess I feel sad for my son and for me sometimes.
I still had a good day, but you know....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((December 2011))) I'm sorry this triggered sad thoughts for you but glad you could express them here. Even the good memories, like buying your son that toy when he was small, can set off the sad memories of how it is today.
Keeping your son and that boy with the gas can in my prayers. May they each overcome addiction and find better days ahead.
Hugs
Keeping your son and that boy with the gas can in my prayers. May they each overcome addiction and find better days ahead.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 151
A very strange thing happened to me in the last few years. I think it is a mental survival mode, the young years with my son seems like another life. Like it has no place in my life today. I have no pictures on the walls, no momentos, nothing. I do not feel this is bad or that I am angry, it is just it was another life far gone from today, if that makes sense. So far nothing has ever triggered feelings, maybe I am to cold? But I do understand what you are saying.
What I do have feelings about is when I see a young man who "probably" is an addict or homeless, I feel grief for him and his family as he was someone's newborn son. Like you said about the guy with the gas can.
I am however still hopefull what when my son comes home and hopefully starts his life without drugs, I will block out this time period and who knows the young years may return to my memory.
What I do have feelings about is when I see a young man who "probably" is an addict or homeless, I feel grief for him and his family as he was someone's newborn son. Like you said about the guy with the gas can.
I am however still hopefull what when my son comes home and hopefully starts his life without drugs, I will block out this time period and who knows the young years may return to my memory.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
Yes, I do know.
I was also a single mom, raising my two little boys alone, and sometimes on a Saturday night the three of us would go to Toys R Us so they could just look and play and 'get ideas' for upcoming birthdays, Christmas, w/e. We would stay for hours sometimes.
I don't have pictures of them up on the walls, but occassionally I get out my albums, or box of pictures and will take one special one with me and place it in my nightstand drawer. I don't grieve when I look at those early days pictures, but I'm instead thankful for those happy times. And I always get a whiff of how sweet my two boys smelled when they were little. I can honestly say that I savored every second of holding them when they were little. It was almost like a premonition - I held them a lot, while I could.
I was also a single mom, raising my two little boys alone, and sometimes on a Saturday night the three of us would go to Toys R Us so they could just look and play and 'get ideas' for upcoming birthdays, Christmas, w/e. We would stay for hours sometimes.
I don't have pictures of them up on the walls, but occassionally I get out my albums, or box of pictures and will take one special one with me and place it in my nightstand drawer. I don't grieve when I look at those early days pictures, but I'm instead thankful for those happy times. And I always get a whiff of how sweet my two boys smelled when they were little. I can honestly say that I savored every second of holding them when they were little. It was almost like a premonition - I held them a lot, while I could.
Guest
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2,968
Sometimes the memories are like whispers of a life that once was so
precious to me. Today reading your posts brings all those quiet little
smiles and whispers back as a gentle smile even though I do know that
my life will be forever different.
Having a sad moment..I miss my son.
He will never be that little boy any longer.
It is good to go through this feeling..it validates reality for me.
lauren
precious to me. Today reading your posts brings all those quiet little
smiles and whispers back as a gentle smile even though I do know that
my life will be forever different.
Having a sad moment..I miss my son.
He will never be that little boy any longer.
It is good to go through this feeling..it validates reality for me.
lauren
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
12-2011,
It is very much ok to feel sad for the childhood you dreamed about for yourself, but never had. It is ok to grieve that, hug that small child inside and even give your inside child a treat - just like your BF is doing for his inner child!!!
Take care of yourself.
It is very much ok to feel sad for the childhood you dreamed about for yourself, but never had. It is ok to grieve that, hug that small child inside and even give your inside child a treat - just like your BF is doing for his inner child!!!
Take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 317
Awwww, you guys... Man this Thread has me all choked up. Everything all of you said is so moving to me.
I read over your posts a few times.
I think I am crying, because this is a time when I feel like I am truly not alone, and that people can be so beautiful, and bring out the best in me.
I was a little worried about sharing, because I felt a little stupid and vulnerable, and maybe no one would really relate, or answer my thread. Wow, was I wrong.
Hugs guys, and thank you
I read over your posts a few times.
I think I am crying, because this is a time when I feel like I am truly not alone, and that people can be so beautiful, and bring out the best in me.
I was a little worried about sharing, because I felt a little stupid and vulnerable, and maybe no one would really relate, or answer my thread. Wow, was I wrong.
Hugs guys, and thank you
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 151
december2011,
I have found this to be the most understanding forum I have ever been too, on a topic that I do not share with anyone in the ""real world"". I feel truly lucky to have found the understandingness and helpfulness of everyone here. When I began this journey, tossed into it by my son, I thought I was the Only Mom out there who was going through the sorted stuff, that I had done something wrong to deserve this,,,,boy was I wrong.
I have found this to be the most understanding forum I have ever been too, on a topic that I do not share with anyone in the ""real world"". I feel truly lucky to have found the understandingness and helpfulness of everyone here. When I began this journey, tossed into it by my son, I thought I was the Only Mom out there who was going through the sorted stuff, that I had done something wrong to deserve this,,,,boy was I wrong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 216
Hey Moms,
I have all of my children's pictures hanging on a wall down my hall, from when they were babies to graduation. I called it The Hall of Fame. When all went south, I would walk down that hall and kiss every picture asking God to take care of them. Then I would cry and cry. Maybe I was letting go and needed cleansing.
December - I too felt the same when I see some young person with the vacant look in their eyes and would think...that's somebody's child. I always hoped someone did the same for mine.
ctg: I too used to look around and think no one else was going through this with their adult children, until I came here in desperation one night. It was a hard pill to swallow when I read how sick I was and I couldn't save them...went against my grain as to being a Mother.
Huggs to all,
Hope
I have all of my children's pictures hanging on a wall down my hall, from when they were babies to graduation. I called it The Hall of Fame. When all went south, I would walk down that hall and kiss every picture asking God to take care of them. Then I would cry and cry. Maybe I was letting go and needed cleansing.
December - I too felt the same when I see some young person with the vacant look in their eyes and would think...that's somebody's child. I always hoped someone did the same for mine.
ctg: I too used to look around and think no one else was going through this with their adult children, until I came here in desperation one night. It was a hard pill to swallow when I read how sick I was and I couldn't save them...went against my grain as to being a Mother.
Huggs to all,
Hope
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 180
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have a three year old and am a single mother. The thought alone of having to go through this with her is crushing. I remember you from a reply you sent to my post yesterday and I thank you for it. I will keep you in my thoughts today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
I think it is pretty normal to feel a mixture or grief and gratitude when looking back on our kids' childhoods regardless of how they turn out later. One of my kids is doing great and the other has really chosen a hard road, but when I look back on both their childhoods I grieve for the loss of those good times but am also grateful for having had them. They are grown up now and I'm not the big part of their lives that I once was. Mostly what I'll have are memories. Thankfully, AD was only addictied for a part of those years and so I had many good years with her.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
(((December))) Those triggers can hit any time, any place. Seeing someone with a cardboard sign on the side of the road, or a very thin young man smoking, a picture, a song, a clothing item, or Toys R Us. Sometimes I like to think of the good times, but I try not to because it makes the present day bad times seem so much sadder thinking of what used to be and what we wanted the future to be.
A loss of dreams for our "children" is tough. I do feel understanding on this site. But honestly, I would rather be alone with the issue than to have any of you other moms suffer through this. ((((A HUG FOR ALL THE MOMS)))
A loss of dreams for our "children" is tough. I do feel understanding on this site. But honestly, I would rather be alone with the issue than to have any of you other moms suffer through this. ((((A HUG FOR ALL THE MOMS)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
memories, I came upon this thread havent been on for a while and just last week i woke up and found our old family photos books on the coffe table, AS couldnt sleep and apparently was up the night looking through them, in the morning he said he missed those times , told me how he looked so happy in the pictures and there was a sadness in him which i understand , he then commented how he wanted to be that happy person again, that was five days ago he hasnt touched a roxie since then, seems to be doing ok but honestly i dont even know what ok is anymore i do hope it works out for him and for us, but yeah rushing on my way to work i spent a few minutes looking through the pics as well, we had some good fun times, I loved spending time with all of my four children, I too cherish those memories Im not saddened by what is or has happened Ive figured out things happen for a reason just the way they are supposed to .....take care and hugs
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