EJG123

Wish it did not bother me when AD tells me stuff like this. She didn't ask me for money, just advice. Evidently she would like to move out on her BF immediately but can't save enough to do it because she owes him three thousand dollars. I told her to get a legal job and work on paying him back even though I know it would be hard for her to find a legal job because she is a felon. She mentioned the idea of just running out on him but I sure don't want her BF to come around looking for her. Anyway, where would she run? I could use some prayers that she will find her way. I am fairly calm but it is never fun to know about her troubles.

Chino

Prayers on the way

Impurrfect

(((EJG))) - prayers coming your way for you and your daughter. I never really worried about physical consequences, as they just didn't do that, and I did leave the town I was in (where I ended up during my relapse) but had several people owe ME a lot of money. It's not like either of us were going to go to the cops to get it back, I just wrote it off as a learning experience. I pray that she gets away from him and he doesn't cause problems she can't deal with.

Though I can understand her not wanting to go to the cops, if he threatens here, I hope she does. I never went through the full reporting of a guy who beat me up when I was on the streets, but I did let a few cops know about him and they were on the lookout. They knew what I did get to crack, but were still ready to lock him up for being in a "drug neighborhood" if they saw him.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

washbe2

So hope and pray that your D is able to get away from this situation. It's a tough one, and I know you worry about her. Pray God gives you both peace.

EJG123

Amy- She does not think he'd beat her but the guy has been in prison for assault/burglary/drugs/murder and who knows what he'd do if she took off. Where they live, you can call the police but they would not be in a big hurry to respond.

washbe2

Oh, my. I so pray she gets away. Murder?! As difficult as it is with an AS, I do believe it would be even tougher on the parent of an AD. I'm so sorry. Afraid my codie behavior would be wanting to pay it to get her out of there, though I know it wouldn't make any difference. Peace and safety. I care.

EJG123

Washbe- Thanks. I would not be surprised if she leaves on her own regardless of the consequences. It might sound dumb, but if there was something to hold her back, it would be her cat. I'm not sure she could leave him, but she does not drive so I don't know if she could get far lugging a cat. Leaving could also be jumping from the pan to the fire. We would definitely not pay off her debts and it is not like her BF is demanding to have it all back at once either. The whole situation is just sad.

laurie6781

If in fact her BF is in reality a Loan Shark she could get the police to help her for a bit of information that she may have garnered while living with him.

Just a thought. Of course, it would also mean that she would be ready to find recovery, and in that instant the DA would more than help her.

Other than that, she's going to have to decide. It is her choices.

Just stay strong mom, you may actually be seeing her getting closer to her own bottom.

Remember we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

EJG123

I am pretty sure she is not ready for recovery and is still using something. The BF is into something illegal for sure. She said some loan sharking but that people pay him so he hasn't had to hurt anyone to her knowledge. I doubt she'd turn him though. I don't know what her bottom is but she drove me to mine a long time ago. We just pray for her.

KuanYin

For me, knowing about my AS troubles always made my life worse! Prayers coming your way. Also when my AS used to ask me for advice, I came to learn that he was actually asking in a coy way for me to solve his problems for him. She's telling you dreadful things that rips a mother's heart apart. Owes money, wants to leave, can't, BF will track her down and ??? harm her, no where to run, helpless victim stuff.

I once told my AS "I've given you all the information I have on life, raised you to be independent and take care of yourself. You are an adult now, and solving your problems is a part of being an adult. I'm sure you'll make the right choice." Granted, I relapsed and let myself get pulled back into my codie behavior time after time, but finding this site has helped me maintain my boundaries and hand him back his burdens. One breath at a time.

Going to say a prayer for us all right now.

pravchaw

Hope you daughter is doing better now.

EJG123

Hi Pravshaw- Well she did not leave her BF and he did not take any action against her. In fact, he has been relatively supportive given her ongoing problems. She will be on her way to prison soon. I have come to see prison as one of the only ways that she can stop using (certainly preferable to stopping because of death). My only fear is that she will be released and overdose like she did last time. Fortunately, her BF found her that time and took her to the hospital--so the BF is not a completely horrible person. I am hoping that this time, she will decide to get treatment after she is detoxed rather than just going back to her old ways. Hope things are going better for you.

Justfor1

While not easy, a convicted felon can find gainful employment. Some companies get big tax breaks for hiring convicted felons. The problem is finding where these companies are and the various resources that help felons. They are out there if she is willing to look as hard as she looks at finding dope.

EJG123

She is aware of this and hopefully will decide to make use of whatever resources are available. I jusr read about a culinary arts program that is only for ex-cons. She would be great at that because she is a talented cook. There are certainly some opportunities if you commit to making positive changes.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear EJG, my son has been in jail about 8 months and it has really assisted in keeping the drugs out of his system and giving us a chance to interact without drugs as a factor. He is almost out ,they are letting him go as soon as a bed becomes available in the rehab. Jail is not the end of the world, at least it hasn't been for our story.
I hope your daughter gets the most she can out of being locked up and that begins her turning point.
Hugs
TT

GardenMama

This could so be my post one day soon...My heart goes out to you for keeping your boundaries and please know that I understand exactly where you are. I have no answer to your question...Is it better to know this or not know or hear anything? I struggle with my overactive imagination when its dialed into the FEAR channel. I hope you area able to remain calm and steady as you navigate and support or just observe her decisions. Peace to you, EJG.

pravchaw

Thanks for the update. I am slowly (in fits and starts) learning to let go of my son. He has his life to live and I and our wife, ours.

gfwhoneverknew

My bf gets out soon as well and is an awesome cook but a program designed solely for excons?? Wouldn't this b a bad thing to have them surrounded by more fellow xcons?? I still worry bout my bfs sobriety in jail cuz 2/3rd of prisoners are drug addicts...aprox!!! Plus he just told me someone got busted and moved to another facility! So I feel that when they get released sometimes they are still using the drug while incarsarated.

gfwhoneverknew

Ps I will say prayers for ur daughter!!

EJG123

Thanks all. Frankly, I am not too worried about her being around excons because they aren't going to put her at risk for relapse unless she wants to relapse... in which case, nothing will stop her. Having gone through what she has already gone through is now part of her life story and she is going to have to find a way to grow from it and live with it. It doesn't have to be bad. Maybe she'll get clean one day and work with excons to help them get straightened out..who knows? Peace to all of you.